Saturday, September 5, 2015

Did I ever say, thank you?


     Dear Roxy,

     I vacuumed today for the first time in a week. If you were still here, your black fur would have been so plentiful, our white carpets would have looked like salt and pepper. I would have had to empty the vacuum several times while cleaning our home. Instead, I vacuumed the entire house, and I didn't have to empty it once. Instead, I had to concentrate heavily on our kitchen because you aren't around to clean up the food that falls on the floor. Now I know why you sat by Tobin at every meal time. More of his food ends up on the floor than in his mouth.

     The house doesn't feel like home without you here. It feels empty. And quiet. And lonely. Sometimes, I think I see you laying on the floor out of the corner of my eye. But it always ends up being my black backpack. Or a dark blanket. When Matt is working, I am especially lonesome for you. After I put the kids to bed, I am very much alone. And it isn't the company of friends that I desire. It is your company I crave. I miss cuddling with you in bed. I miss your fur on my clothes. On the floor. In my bed. On every surface throughout the entire house. I even miss picking your fur out of my food. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed thinking about the fact that you are gone from this earth forever. It feels foreign to not have to walk you in the mornings before school. It feels dreadful to not see your face greeting me at the door when I come home. A few times, I could have sworn I heard you barking and making happy noises when I turned my key in the front door. And for a split second, my broken heart skipped a beat thinking that it might be you. But each time that happened, I opened the front door to find that you were indeed gone.

     Roxy, I know I told you often that I loved you. You were a best friend like no other. When I was happy, you were there to be happy with me. When I was sad, your quiet presence was a comfort that no one else could offer. When I was scared, you sat with me. When I broke my foot, you laid with me for days on the couch. I was scared to use my crutches on the stairs so I went up and down each stair one at a time. On my butt. And you walked up and down the stairs slowly with me. Right by my side. When I was pregnant with Adelyn, you would rest your head on my stomach. When I was mourning the loss of River, you sat with me while I cried. You took quiet walks with me to my favorite tree. And you watched many a sunset with me on my favorite hill. I think it was your favorite hill, too. When I was recovering from my c-section with Tobin, you stayed in my bedroom with me. You watched me bathe my babies. You sat with me while I wrote. And every night, you would cuddle with me in bed.

     Roxy, I know I told you how beautiful you were. I know I told you what a sweet girl you were. But did I ever say, "thank you?" Did I ever thank you for your unfailing and unconditional love? Did I ever tell you how thankful I was to have you in my life? I'm not sure I did. And that is the only thing I regret when I think about you.

     When you got sick, and we had to come home from vacation, I was thinking we would walk in to find you dying. And even though you were slowly dying, when we walked in, you found the strength to get up and greet us with a wagging tail. And with happy whimpers. And with many, many kisses. You found the strength to jump up in bed with us. You had us fooled. I thought you were fine. I had no idea that you had practically no red blood cells left, and that the anemia was leaving you feeling weak and lethargic. Roxy, for the way you jumped up to greet us when we came home from vacation, thank you. For you showed us the kind of love that knows no boundaries. It was the kind of love that says, "anemia...what anemia? My people are home!" It was the kind of love that can't be bothered with illnesses. It was the kind of love that rose above everything else. Nothing else mattered to you then except that we were home. And it made you forget you were sick.

     Roxy, for the way you loved us so deeply and madly and fantastically, I thank you. I thank you for being my family. My friend. My child. My love. I thank you for your quiet presence throughout every day. I thank you for keeping me company. I thank you for your kisses. And your tail wags. You were the sweetest girl, and our hearts break all over again with every morning when we wake to find that you are still gone.

     Roxy, I miss you more than words can say. I love you more than words can say. You made my life wonderful and lovely, and I will never forget your beautiful face. I will never forget the way your fur felt under my hand while I pet you. I will never forget the way you smelled. The only way I can describe it is this: you smelled like peace. I will never forget the love you showed us. You were an incredible, brilliant soul.

     We celebrated River's 4th birthday in heaven on August 17th. Her due date was December 24th. I called her my Christmas baby. I still think of her as my Christmas baby. She just came early. My early Christmas present. And who doesn't absolutely love an early Christmas present? I've come to realize that with River, everything comes early. And true to form, River received an early birthday present when you went to heaven on August 10th. But who doesn't love an early birthday present?




































 
















Tuesday, September 1, 2015

So long, summer.


     This summer, we had breakfasts at 10 am with animals to keep us company. 
 


     We made shaving cream paint and prettied up the tub.












     We went to an indoor playground. 























     We visited with friends.





     We went to see Ryleigh ride her horse.




























     We went to a cousin's pool party.











     We had surprise reunions. And a surprise birthday party.











     We went to pretty parks just because.










     We made cupcakes for the sole purpose of decorating them and eating them.








     We went to Kings Dominion to have lots of fun. 

















     We went to the beach. 
































































































     We celebrated Opa's birthday.





We celebrated Matt's birthday. 





We celebrated River's 4th birthday in heaven. 



Adelyn had a horse back riding lesson for her birthday. It was her gift from her cousin, Ryleigh.






















We celebrated Adelyn's birthday. 














And we celebrated again. 














     
     It was a very sweet summer. And it is gone from us too soon. Thankful for a summer spent well with the ones I love.