Saturday, December 31, 2016

The last day of the year.

December 31, 2016
Day 111

Tobin is feeling so much better.

It was Phia's birthday today!

Phia and Adelyn had a great time getting their nails done today.


We had a lovely day at Patty's house.

I walked into the living room at Patty's house, and I saw Casey holding Tobin on his lap while they were watching a show. It was sweet.

My dad made a delicious dinner.

December weather. I love December. It's one of my favorite months. I'm sorry to see it go, but January is also a lovely winter month. Here is a picture of a gorgeous December sunset.



Thankful for a year of good and lovely things.

So very thankful.

Friday, December 30, 2016

December Sunsets.

December 30, 2016
Day 110

     Thankful for another good day at home with my babes. We had breakfast in Tobin's room and watched a movie under his bed. It's a loft bed. Underneath the loft, there are about 100 stuffed animals, so it's very comfy and fluffy. Thankful that every day that goes by brings us closer to the time when Tobin will be completely well again. Thankful for homemade chicken soup. And tea with honey and lemon. Thankful for my Adelyn girl. She has been extrememly patient with Tobin. And with being stuck in the house all week. Tobin is on steriods, and he's insanely hyper because of it. He screams, he yells, he jumps around, he hits, he punches. He even bit Adelyn today. But she takes it all in stride, and when Tobin is doing something naughty, Adelyn looks at me and winks. Then she tries to help me calm him down. She is an amazing person. Thankful for my sweet pup, Higbee. His sweet face and his big, brown, expressive eyes melt my heart. Thankful that tomorrow is Saturday. Thankful for the cold and for an amazing sunset tonight. It was one that made me run out the door with my camera. December sunsets are some of my favorite sunsets.

     Thankful. 

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Angels.

December 29, 2016
Day 109

     I'm thankful that when the days are scary and dark, and I feel the need for brilliant light, God gives me a clear and glowing blue sky to look at. I'm thankful that when I need air to move through my house, God sends the wind.  I'm thankful for this:

     Every morning, I ask the kids what they dreamed about during the night. I'll say, "Good Morning! Did you sleep well? What did you dream about?" Tobin answers me every single day with this: "I didn't dream about anything."

     Tobin has been sick. And I've been sick with worry. Last night, I had to do neb treatments throughout the night with him, and every time I put him back in his bed, I prayed for him. As I wiped his sweaty little forehead, I prayed that God would send his angels to stand guard over Tobin and protect him through the night.

     Tobin woke up during his 8:30 am neb treatment. He was trying to tell me something, but since the neb is pretty loud, and his voice is weak right now, I couldn't hear him. I turned off the neb, and he said this to me: "Mama, I had a dream last night that angels were flying around me."

     I'm thankful for Tobin. I'm thankful I get to be the one who takes care of him. I'm thankful that I get to call him mine. I'm thankful for his sweet face and smile, and I'm thankful he's feeling better. I'm thankful for Adelyn. She's been very patient, and she's been helping me care for Tobin. I'm thankful for my mom. She came over tonight with her air purifier and immune boosting supplements for Tobin. Thankful for sweet, sweet Higbee boy. Thankful for a quick visit at my sister's house. Thankful for a quick phone call with Emily. Thankful for many people who love me and love Tobin. Thankful for friends that message me to find out if everything is okay. Thankful for a good Thursday.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Sweet Day.

December 28, 2016
Day 108

     I'm thankful for a sweet day spent with my little ones. Thankful for animal pictures drawn by Adelyn and Tobin. Thankful for sidewalk chalk. For bubbles. For bicycle rides. I'm thankful for picnics in the basement. I'm thankful for medicine for Tobin when he's not feeling good. Thankful for people who pray for him. And for me when I'm feeling anxious.

     Thankful. 

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Ordinary Tuesdays.

December 27, 2016
Day 107

Thankful for the blue of the sky.

Thankful for the way Matt must hug me as soon as he comes home from work.

Thankful for a quiet, relaxing day with my babes.

Thankful for how sweet my children are.

Thankful for how cute and adorable Higbee is.

Thankful for ice cream in bed.

Thankful for many days left on Christmas vacation.

Thankful for Parks and Rec.

Thankful for ordinary Tuesdays. Ordinary days are the most special days because those are the days where we spend most of our time. Holidays and special events stand out, but the regular Mondays, the ordinary Tuesdays, the same old Wednesdays...those are the ones that matter most. Life happens during those regular old days.

Thankful for phone calls from my mom and my sister.

Thankful for a house full of peaceful sleepers.

Thankful for a good day, a good night, and a time to sleep all night until morning.

Monday, December 26, 2016

A list on a Monday.

December 26, 2016
Day 106

Thankful for new earrings.

Thankful for time to shop with my sister, my daughter, and my niece.

Thankful for hot tea with honey.

Thankful for Tobin and the way he plays with all his new star wars toys. He makes the best sound effects.

Thankful for my husband. He gets me and he loves me. I'm so thankful for the beautiful life we have together.

Thankful for many more days of vacation.

Thankful for quick phones calls from friends.

Thankful for how silly Higbee is. He makes the funniest howl/yelp/bark/singing noises whenever someone comes over to visit.

Thankful for family. It's always good to see family.



Sunday, December 25, 2016

It was jolly and merry.

December 25, 2016
Day 105


It was a jolly, merry Christmas.

There were many hugs, kisses, smiles, and gasps of exhilaration today.

Adelyn and Tobin played with their new things for hours. It's always very sweet to watch them play together.

Higbee loved his new toys.

Matt got me the most thoughtful and sweet gifts. I love that he remembered something I had said to him long ago when were still dating and got me a present based on that something. I always loved this quote about bumblebees, so he got me a bracelet with the quote written on it. I love my sweet man. And I love it when he calls me, "my girl."



For these words: "Courage, dear heart." -C.S. Lewis

Thankful for melted brie.

Thankful for this situation: All the Christmas lights on. All other lights off. Christmas movie. Blankets. Loved ones.

For Christmas breakfast.

For pajamas all day long.

For the nap Matt and I took in Adelyn's bed while she and Tobin played with toys on the floor.

That tomorrow is Monday, and I get to sleep in and not go to work.

For my entire lovely, amazing, wonderful family.

For the merriest Christmas.

Thankful. 

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Christmas Eve.

December 24, 2016
Day 104

For Christmas cookies.

For Christmas movies.

For Christmas music.

For the glow of the Christmas lights.

For presents wrapped and waiting under the tree.

For a plate of cookies and carrots for Santa and his reindeer.

For the note that Adelyn wrote to Santa. My favorite thing she wrote was this: "I hope your Christmas is jolly!" Jolly is one of the greatest words ever.

Adelyn and Tobin went to sleep right away because Santa is coming tonight.

For rain this morning.

For the way Tobin was so taken with the ant in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. He thought it was cool and cute, so when the scorpion came and starting attacking it, Tobin covered his eyes and starting crying. We had to fast forward through the part where the ant dies, and I had to tell Tobin about ten times that, "Yes, the ant lived and he went back home to live with his mama and dada. Yes, I'm sure the ant is okay. No, there are no scorpions living around here. Yes, the ant is back home now with his family."

For a fine day with my family.

Thankful. 

Friday, December 23, 2016

A festivus for the rest of us!

December 24, 2016
Day 103

     We had a festivus party today, and it was awesome! We kind of slacked a bit on the feats of strength, but we had plenty of grievances to air. Thankful for much laughter. Thankful for family. Thankful for friends that are so close that they kind of merge from friend to family. Thankful for tomato, mozzarella, basil, and bread. Wegman's was out of basil, so it was a festivus miracle that I found some for our feast tonight. Thankful for red wine. Thankful for long talks into the wee hours of the morning. Thankful for a great day and an even greater festivus.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Hip Hip Hooray for Christmas Vacation!

December 22, 2016
Day 102

     Thankful for the best first day of Christmas vacation. We got to see Santa! And it is now our tradition to let the kids play on all the little games and rides at the mall after we see Santa, so we did that. We went to lunch, and it was delicious. We played at a fun playground. We looked at model homes. We cleaned up the house. Doesn't sound fun, but it didn't take too long, and it's so much nicer to relax in a clean home. Then Casey and Phia came over in the evening so Patty and AJ could do some Christmas shopping. It was a great first day!

     Thankful for the best first day of Christmas vacation. Thankful for Santa and little rides at the mall. Thankful for tacos for lunch. Thankful for big, fun playgrounds. Thankful for time to do nothing at all except for what we want to do. It's fun to just go around doing whatever we please. Thankful for Christmas break. Thankful for family and time with family. It's going to be the best break.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Reading. Recess. Lunch. Party.

December 21, 2016
Day 102

For Christmas gifts wrapped with care and love.

For many, many hugs from students, parents, and fellow teachers.

For Christmas music.

For dinner out with my family.

For the Festival of the Lights with my family.

For cookies during the Festival of the Lights.

For declarations of love. Several students, parents, and teachers told me they loved me today. It's always nice to hear that you're loved.

For the fact that we don't have to set alarms for tomorrow morning.

For time to go see Santa tomorrow morning.

For Christmas gifts waiting to be wrapped.

For cookie baking materials.

For this schedule in class today:
1. Reading
2. Recess
3. Lunch
4. Party

For Christmas cards.

For the thrill of hope.

For wonders of His love.

Thankful. 

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

8 days straight.

December 20, 2016
Day 101

     Thankful for Christmas gifts. Thankful for Christmas cookies. Thankful that Christmas break is so near that I can hardly stand the wait any longer. Thankful for my mom who came and watched Tobin all day today. Thankful for Armando who watched Tobin all day yesterday. Thankful that my mom was able to stay here tonight while Matt and I went Christmas shopping. Thankful that we were able to get nice gifts for the kids. Thankful for old black and white movies. Thankful for hot tea. Thankful for pajama days at school. Thankful that after school tomorrow, I get to come home and be with all my loves for 8 days straight. It will be so wonderful.

Monday, December 19, 2016

Day 100

December 19, 2016
Day 100

     One hundred days of thankfulness has shown me once again that being thankful changes everything. Please believe me when I say this: I was literally sick with fear and panic. I couldn't function. These one hundred days have quieted the horrid sound of anxiety screaming in my head. I'm so thankful for peace. I'm thankful for quiet in my mind. I'm thankful for happiness. I'm thankful for the breath in my lungs. For each new, fresh day. I'm thankful for love in my life. I'm thankful for second chances. Thankful for one hundred days lived with gratitude.

     Thankful.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

12.

December 18, 2016
Day 99

Christmas cookies.

Taco night with the whole family.

My husband. He loves me. Actually, it would be quite accurate to say that he's obsessed with me. And it makes me feel lucky to be loved so madly.

My mom. I got to do some late night grocery shopping with her, and it made me miss the days when we lived together and could go shopping together whenever we wanted. I love my mom so much. She always knows how to make things better. I feel home when I'm with her.

My dad. He brings us things every weekend. He always comes with his hands full for us. My dad is the hardest working man I have ever known. Even as a 34 year old, he's still taking care of me. I feel safe whenever I'm with my dad. Or whenever I hear his voice.

My sister. I'm thankful that I can be exactly who I am in front of her, and that's just fine. I can look my absolute worst, or say something crazy, and she is completely undaunted. I love that she can whisper one word to me, and I know exactly what she's talking about.

My brother. Thankful for his sweet heart. From the first moment I learned of his existence, I wanted him. I wanted a brother so badly, and when he came home to live with us, it was like Christmas morning every day. He's such a kind hearted person. I feel blessed to call him my family.

Emily. She is a picture of courage, strength, and joy. So thankful to know her. Thankful that she loves my brother with all her heart. Thankful that Shane and Emily found each other. Thankful for call her a part of our family.

The bigs: Casey and Adelyn. Our first born babies. They are wonderful and amazing and each day is the best because of them.

The littles: Tobin and Phia. The babies of the family for now. They make each day sweet and simple and full of little pleasures and laughter.

Wee Bairn. I cannot wait to hold her and kiss her and love her. I love babies.

Higbee. His eyes are so sweet and brown and sad sometimes that I just can't help but to kiss him and hug him and tell him I love him.

Thankful. 

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Mary Puffins.

December 17, 2016
Day 98

Here is a list of things I am thankful for today:

1. I love to watch Christmas movies. And when I watch them, I always cry. How can one not be moved to tears when watching movies about Christmas and miracles and believing in Santa?

2. Shopping with Matt, Adelyn, and Tobin. It's confusing. Mainly because all three of them are constantly finding things to put into the cart. So, confusing...yes. But I love to shop with my people. I'm always proud to walk down the aisles with them. With my man and our babies.

3. For hot chocolate with marshmellows in Christmas mugs.

4. For the way Tobin says things always just a hair off. Things like: piggy pudding instead of figgy pudding. Mary Puffins instead of Mary Poppins. There are so many more. I love that boy.

5. For this line in Mary Poppins:

"You've got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone.
Though childhood slips like sand through a seive."

It reminds me that--dear God--childhood flies. It goes so fast that it hurts. The days are long, but the years are short. My mom told me that, and she's totally right. There are long days, yes. But the years, they fly by. It pains me to think that I might be wasting them doing stupid things like looking at my phone, or stressing about work, or worrying about cleaning the house when I should be spending my time just being present with my kids.

6. For another day home with all my loves tomorrow.

7. For walks with my family.

     It was a lovely day. It started off cold and icy. Which made it feel very cozy inside. It ended up wamer with a spectacular sunset. Which was glorious. Thankful for a very fine Saturday.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Cookie Baking Saturday.

December 16, 2016
Day 97

     Thankful, so thankful for a warm home and clothes and hot food to eat on such a cold, cold night. Thankful for my loving husband. Thankful for my entire family. Thankful for birthday parties with friends. Thankful for milkshakes. Thankful that tomorrow is Saturday. I can't wait to bake cookies with my babies tomorrow. Thankful that I still get to go Christmas shopping with Matt. I used to go grocery shopping with Matt almost every day before we had kids. Now, we hardly ever get to go shopping together, so it's a real treat when we do get to go out and shop together. Thankful for time to sleep all night until morning.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Tobin toes.

December 15, 2016
Day 96

For tiny, clean Tobin toes.

For Adelyn's sweet smile. I love the gap in between her two front teeth.

For another sweet and wonderful Christmas program tonight. Adelyn and Casey were the best!

For my warm home and my warm bed and warm clothes and hot food.

For the upcoming weekend. I can't wait to relax and sleep and bake cookies.

For coffee with cream.

For tea and toast.

For time spent with my parents, Patty, AJ, Casey, and Phia.

For time to lay in bed and watch Parks and Rec. 

For a long, hot shower.

For time to sleep.

Thankful. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Good Tidings.

December 14, 2016
Day 95

For little jingle bells.

For songs sung by three year olds at a Christmas program.

For pretty dresses and handsome shirts.

For my mom who took my kids to the dentist today.

For Matt's mom who knitted Adelyn a Christmas scarf.

For hugs from my husband. I'm glad he loves me so much that he never goes a day without hugging or kissing me.

That my entire family takes up about three rows at Christmas programs. Our kids will always have the biggest group of fans in the audience.

For warm chocolate cake and the best icing ever. Patty makes the best cake.

For the way Higbee lays on the lazy boy.

For the cold.

For my warm home.

For the sound of a guitar.

For the way Tobin sings this line: "Good tidings are for Christmas!"

Thankful.




Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Bells Ringing. Toes Tapping. Merry Christmas!

December 13, 2016
Day 94

I'm reading Little House on the Prairie to Adelyn. Tonight, we read this: "Pa always laughed out loud and his laugh was like great bells ringing." As soon as I read that line, Adelyn interrupted me and remarked, "Just like you, Mama. When you laugh, it's like great bells ringing." Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote glowing descriptions of her father. She adored him. Even his laugh made her happy. I never thought that someone might think that way of me. But Adelyn does. And it makes me feel so full and warm and thankful. Adelyn has always been a light in my life. She always shines brightest when the days are dark.

Thankful. 


I was out for the second time tonight picking up something for Matt at the store. My hair was a mess. My sweatpants were full of dog hair. The aisle was empty except for me and another woman. She was looking at a display of frozen fish. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," was playing. As I walked past her, I noticed that she was tapping her toe to the beat of the song. And I'm not sure why, but seeing that woman peruse boxes of fish while she tapped her toe made me happy.

Thankful. 



Have you ever felt like you were on the verge of doing something amazing? Or discovering something you never knew before? And not just facts and information. I'm talking about a revelation. Have you ever felt like there was this bubbling up of something in your soul that you couldn't quite explain, but the thought of it...the feel of it, made you feel excited? Hopeful? The thrill of hope. That's the only way I can describe Christmas. When I'm very quiet, and I forget about all of the appointments and the things to do and the things that haven't been done, I feel about Christmas the way a person might feel about a new puppy. It's altogether perfect and exciting and new and wonderful. It doesn't come around that often, so when it does it's very special. And it's something to be marked with joyous celebrations. Merry. I think it's one of the loveliest words I've ever heard. And when it's paired with Christmas, it's absolutely perfect. I like the way it feels to say it and to write it. Merry Christmas!

Thankful. 

Monday, December 12, 2016

December Sunsets.

December 12, 2016
Day 93

For the way that Tobin always wants to walk with me when I take Higbee out.

For Tobin's sheepish smile whenever he asks me if he can have just one more Christmas cookie.

For the way that Adelyn looks in the mirror when she's brushing her hair in the morning.

For the way the house smells like bacon for long after bacon has been cooked in it.

For Higbee's sweet brown eyes.

For the blue of Adelyn's eyes.

For my husband. God knew I needed him.

For our sweet and cozy home.

For stacks of books in just about every room in our house.

For the way my kids pretend not to hear me when I go in to wake them up in the morning.

For warm blankets.

For the way certain parts of the floor creak when you walk it.

For the smell of our bedroom, and Tobin's bedroom, and Adelyn's bedroom, and our basement.

For the way Tobin gags when he has to take his vitamins.

For December sunsets. I'd rather watch a December sunset than a July sunset any day. The colors leave me awestruck.

For bare trees. I love the trees.

For big glasses full of ice and water.

For a day so full of all things good and lovely that I couldn't possibly list every good and lovely thing that happened in it.

Thankful. 

Sunday, December 11, 2016

A lovely Sunday.

December 11, 2016
Day 92

     Thankful for the cold air. Thankful for a fun day and a lovely lunch with my family. Thankful for the silly way my dad dances to make everyone laugh. Thankful for time to talk with my mom and my sister. Thankful to be able to lay in bed next to my husband every night. Thankful for adventures with Patty, Matt, and the kids. It's always an adventure with them. Thankful for the way the kids get so excited over anything Christmas. Thankful for a great weekned. Thankful for time to sleep. Thankful for a lovely Sunday.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Tacos.

December 10, 2016
Day 91


For friends to go out to dinner with.

For tacos.

For strawberry margaritas.

For laughter.

For good conversation.

For cookie baking supplies sitting on my counter.

For the fact that Adelyn and Tobin played "cottage" for about 7 hours straight today. Adelyn was Ma. Her job was to bake the bread, work in the garden, and clean the house. Tobin was Pa, and he was the hunter. He was carrying around his big nerf gun, and he wore a kerchief around his neck. It makes me happy that my children love to play together.

For very cold weather. Very cold weather is good for two things: deep breaths of good cold, invigorating air, and feeling cozy and warm inside huddled up together.

For warm blankets.

For a quiet, peaceful, still home.

For sturdy walls around me and my family.

For Higbee who waits up for me when I am gone in the evenings.

Thankful. 

Friday, December 9, 2016

Santa Worm.

December 9, 2016
Day 90

For Stephanie.

For Stephanie's birthday.

For the smell of candles that have just been blown out.

For the way everyone looks while they sing, "Happy Birthday," in the warm glow of birthday cake candles.

For laughter.

For wine. It must be red.

For a new toy from Grandma for Higbee that Tobin has named, "Santa Worm."

For a very fine Friday night.

For time to lay in bed and watch Parks and Rec until all hours of the night.

For talk of Christmas shopping.

For a weekend so cold, that we all need to stay cozy and together inside baking cookies, watching movies, cuddling under blankets, and reading books.

For Christmas lights everywhere one looks.

For two days at home.

For guitar lessons. Mario is going to teach me how to play the guitar.

For music.


Thankful. 

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Howl.

December 8, 2016
Day 89


A long, hot shower.

A clean kitchen.

I can use the water in my house again.

Dinner out with Matt and the kids.

The way my kids love to look at Christmas lights.

Hearing Higbee howl for the first time tonight.

Tobin falling asleep in the car after dinner and staying asleep for the night.

Tomorrow is Friday.

Christmas music on the radio.

Laughing hard with Adelyn over silly stuff.

Halo Top ice cream.

This knowledge: if I mess up during some point in my day, I get to go to sleep, wipe the slate clean, and start again new and fresh the next day.

My husband sleeping beside me.

Books.

Words.

Cold weather.

The bigs. (Casey and Adelyn)

The littles. (Tobin and Sophia)

Wee Bairn.

A beach house named Chocolate Sundae.

Friends at work.

Students who ask me, "Mrs. Sanderson, can I borrow this book? I don't want to wait until tomorrow to read it."

Vince Guaraldi's Christmas music.

One of the books I'm reading right now: Essays of E.B. White

A warm home. Warm clothes. Food to eat. Water to drink.

A glorious sunrise this morning. When I walked outside, everything was pink. It made me happy to be alive.

Breath in my lungs. Step in my feet.

Whispers of snow.

December.

The gift of Christmas.

The thrill of hope.


Thankful. 



Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Water

December 7, 2016
Day 88

     There is one thing I've learned from having a boil water advisory in effect: I take having running water for granted. I use water all the time. I use it so much that I'm finding it hard to function without it. So tonight, I'm thankful for water. I'm thankful for my husband who came home with gallons of water and easy food to make for dinner and plastic plates, bowls, cups, and utensils. Thankful that my husband knows how to help me feel better when I'm having a meltdown over silly things like clutter or to do lists that didn't get done. Thankful for the face Higbee makes when someone is petting his ears very softly. Thankful for the best hugs from my kids. Thankful for time to do nothing else at all but sleep.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Quieted.

December 6, 2016
Day 87

     Thankful that anxiety has been quieted. Thankful that this exercise in thankfulness has once again proven to be life changing. Thankful that I can think more clearly these days. Thankful that I'm not wasting so much time being afraid and doubting and fearing and worrying. Let me tell you what I've been doing with all the extra time:

-I've actually been present when I'm with my family.

-Instead of just making it through each day, I'm actually living each day.

-I've been reading with my kids. We read a lot around here. And it's much easier to read to my babes when I'm not freaking out over some imaginary ridiculousness.

-I've been spending time with my love. It's much easier to laugh and talk and spend time with my husband when my mind isn't somewhere else far away cowering down in a corner screaming and terrified.

     So thankful for the gift of thankfulness. Thankful for the power it gives me. Nothing else has ever even come close to battling fear, doubt, panic, and anxiety the way that being thankful does.


Monday, December 5, 2016

The shower after the purchase of a new shampoo and conditioner.

December 5, 2016
Day 86

     Thankful for walks after school to look at Christmas lights. Thankful for cool air. Thankful for time to drive around at night and listen to music. I always turn it all the way up. Thankful for lunch boxes and water bottles to clean. Thankful for stuffed animals. We have so many that we need storage solutions for them. My kids love to cuddle with stuffed animals at night, and it makes me smile to see them crowded in bed because they are so many animals to snuggle with. Thankful for Parks and Recreation. I must look like such a weirdo at the gym. I watch shows while I do cardio. And that show has me laughing so hard while I work out. I try my best to laugh quietly, but I'm always wearing headphones, so I'm pretty sure I'm not laughing quietly at all. Thankful for the stack of new books I have to read beside my bed. Thankful for hot showers at night and in the morning. Thankful for new containers of shampoo and conditioner. I always love the shower I take just after the purchase of a new bottle of shampoo and conditioner. Especially if it's a new shampoo or conditioner. Thankful for the whisper of winter weather in the forecast. Thankful for my husband. I'm so glad to see his face every day, and hold his hand, and kiss him under the mistletoe. Thankful for Adelyn's blond hair. It reminds me of butter. Thankful for her blue eyes and her red lips. Tobin still tells us he doesn't have any lips. And whenever I ask him about whether or not he has lips, he presses his lips together tightly and replies, "No!" Thankful for Tobin. Thankful for Casey. And Phia. And the Wee Bairn. And my entire family. And for friends. Thankful for chocolate advent calendars. We are counting down the days until Christmas with chocolate. Thankful for a splendid Monday.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

"I'm standing under the undertow!"

December 4, 2016
Day 85

     Thankful for Tobin. He makes us smile everyday. He's at that age where his vocabulary is rapidly expanding, but some things are just a bit off. I bought some mistletoe today at Trader Joe's. I hung it up and explained it to the kids. They each took a turn standing under it and waiting for a kiss. About ten minutes later, Tobin came up from the basement, stood under the mistletoe, and said, "Mom, Dad...I'm standing under the undertow!" He loves Christmas songs. My favorite is when he sings, "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." He sings, "We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. Now, bring us some piggy pudding, now bring us some piggy pudding, now bring us some piggy pudding, and a Happy New Year." Piggy pudding. I will never get over those words.

     Thankful for Matt. So thankful to be married to my love and my best friend. I'm thankful for his hugs and his kisses. Thankful for this sweet life we have made together. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love when I come home from work and Matt is waiting at the front door. He holds it open for me, and as soon as I walk in, he kisses me hello. I love the kiss hello. You always hear about the kiss goodbye, but the kiss hello is much more meaningful. Because you kind of have to do something to mark an exit. Whether it's a hug, a handshake, a back pat, or a kiss. You really don't have to do anything to mark a greeting. So when my husband of eleven years kisses me every time I walk in the door, I count myself lucky because I have a husband who loves me enough to mark the time when I come into our home with a kiss.

     Thankful for my two guys tonight.
   

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Special Saturday.

December 3, 2016
Day 84

     Thankful for a very pleasant day with my family. Thankful for Christmas parades. I loved hearing Adelyn and Tobin say, "Merry Christmas!" in their most pleasant voices to everyone that walked past us. Thankful for a lovely get together with family today. Thankful for a sweet Christmas party in our little town of Haymarket. The kids got to see Santa and Mrs. Claus. It was a fun and special day.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Very Fine Friday.

December 3, 2016
Day 83

     Thankful for:

-a lovely dinner.

-cold weather.

-pretty clouds.

-a fun evening with my cousin, Jen.

-bookstores.

-Starbucks.

-hot tea.

-time to sit in a parking lot and talk.

-memories.

-laughing hard at memories.

-my warm home.

-the weekend.

-the feel of the keyboard under my fingertips.

-time to watch shows, relax in bed, and time to sleep.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

The PM Shift.

December 1, 2016
Day 82

     I've been writing and erasing...writing and erasing. I can't think clearly tonight, but I can make a thankful list. There is always something to be thankful for.

1. A bright, cheery, sunny Thursday.

2. The yellow leaves still hanging onto our cherry tree out front. My grandfather planted that tree for us when Adelyn was born, and it's almost as big as our house now. It's one of my favorite trees.

3. The chicken prepped, ready, and waiting in the fridge to be roasted for dinner tomorrow night.

4. For these flavors: carrots roasted with chicken, garlic, onion, lemon, parsley, salt, and pepper.

5. Tomorrow is Friday. Because I used to work at Starbucks, I break the days into shifts. AM and PM shifts. I have to work the AM shift tomorrow, but I get the PM shift off. And because I break every day into shifts, I get an extra shift added onto my weekend. I don't just get Saturday and Sunday off. I get the PM shift on Friday off as well. Every person should think this way. It makes your weekend last longer.

6. Books.

7. Dogs.

8. Family.

9. Hot tea with honey in a mug with a spoon in it.

10. Little cowboy and cowgirl boots laying by the front door.

11. Bedtime.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Fifi.

November 30, 2016
Day 81

     There is a woman at the gym named, Fifi. She smiles at people when she walks past them, and she can frequently be found in the locker room talking with someone in need of help. And I'm not sure why, but there have been several occasions when I've walked into the locker room at the gym, and there is a woman crying on the bench. And each time I walked in to find a woman crying, Fifi was also there. Holding that woman's hand, handing her tissues, listening, and offering advice.

     The other day, I walked into the locker room and Fifi was there stretching. I say, "Hey, how are you?" She replies, "Very happy!" Tonight, I walked into the locker room, and Fifi was there doing her hair in front of the mirror. I say, "Hey, how are you?" She replies, "Very happy!"

     At first I thought it was just a fluke...the response of, "Very happy!" I thought maybe she had a great day or received good news. But I think it's more than that. Fifi makes a deliberate choice to be happy. Most people, myself included, respond to the question, "Hey, how are you?" with answers like "I'm good," or "I'm okay," or "Eh," or "Blah," or "Ugh." Fifi chooses to answer with, "Very happy." And it brightened my day.

     Thankful for Fifi. Thankful for her words.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Catawampus.

November 29, 2016
Day 80

     Thankful for a rainy, dreary day. Thankful for Christmas lights strung along the walls in my classroom. Thankful for notes from my students. One student gave me a note today that said this, "Mrs. Sanderson, you make my heart feel warm and welcome." Thankful for Higbee sleeping on my feet while I write this. Thankful for Matt waiting up for me while I write this. Thankful for sleeping kids. Thankful for Christmas music. Thankful for Wednesdays at school. I really look forward to them. We read all morning long. It's wonderful and relaxing and cozy. Thankful that my students use words like catawampus and hullabaloo. They especially like to say catawampus. I can't blame them. Thankful for fog. It's quite lovely. Thankful that it's almost December. I like the way my mouth feels when I say December. December is a great month because it feels airy and cold yet warm and cozy at the same time. Thankful for a good Tuesday.


Monday, November 28, 2016

Good.

November 28, 2016
Day 79

     Thankful that I get to take care of two sweet children. Thankful for their toys, and their mess, and their silliness. Thankful for their smiles. I would be lost without my Adelyn and my Tobin. Thankful for my furry baby. Thankful for his sweet, sweet, brown puppy eyes. It's a wonderful thing to love a dog and be loved back by that dog. Thankful that my husband waits up so that he can help me carry in the groceries. Thankful that he helps me clean the kitchen. Thankful that I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me forever. I never question his devotion to me and our family. Thankful for the cold air and my warm home. Thankful for warm coats for my children. Thankful that we have food to eat. Thankful for things like bathtubs full of toys and reading homework. Thankful for my students. Thankful for my job. Thankful for my family. Thankful for things like peace and happiness and laughter and togetherness. Thankful that I have so many things to be thankful for, that I could never possibly list them all. The list would go on forever. That's a whole lot of good. And when there is that much good, how can there be any room at all for anything that isn't good?

Sunday, November 27, 2016

A fine Sunday.

November 27, 2016
Day 78

     Thankful for a lovely day. Thankful for time spent outside. It was warm in the sun with a cold breeze. It felt glorious. Thankful for pecan pie with whipped cream. Patty and I finished off the last of it today. Thankful for days when Matt and I can accomplish things in the house together. We went through all of the kid's clothes today. It takes forever and it's not very fun, but somehow we always end up laughing and having a good time. It's good to laugh and organize and accomplish things. It's better to do it with your best friend. Thankful that we always have way way more clothes than we need for our kids. Thankful that there are Christmas lights and decorations going up everywhere. It's such a joyful and jolly time of year. Thankful that I can listen to Christmas music at home and at school. Thankful for time to read to Adelyn at night. Thankful for time to read to Tobin at night. Thankful that Tobin still asks me to sing to him before bed. Thankful that there are only a few short weeks until Christmas break. Thankful for the most relaxing Thanksgiving break and a very fine Sunday.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

"You make my heart feel all better."

November 26, 2016
Day 77

     Thankful for a day of leftovers. I think leftovers are so much more delicious than the original meal itself. Thankful for the joy and happiness of decorating for Christmas with Adelyn and Tobin. Christmas for them is the greatest day of all. They love everything Christmas. Christmas movies, Christmas decorations, Christmas hats, Christmas cookies, Christmas clothes, Christmas candy. Today, while we were out walking Higbee, they found the scraps from a Christmas tree that someone had left out on the sidewalk, and they went crazy over them. Over scraps of a Christmas tree. That is a serious love for Christmas. Thankful for what Tobin said when he was taking his turn telling us what he was thankful for during our leftover dinner. He said, "I'm thankful for my whole family...I'm thankful for Mama...Mama, you're so beautiful that you make my heart feel all better." I wanted to cry. My children speak the kindest words. Thankful for the coziest day with all my loves. Thankful for the cold and the wind outside today. It made my home feel that much more warm and cozy.

     Thankful. Grateful.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Thanksgiving Part Two

November 25, 2016
Day 76

     Thankful for a good day with my family. Thankful for books. Thankful for Seinfeld. Thankful for the smell of Thanksgiving. It permeates every single room in the house. Our home will smell of deliciousness and coziness for days now. Thankful for pecan pie with fresh whip and vanilla ice cream. And just to let you know...it's pronounced: pee-can. Thankful for pomegranates. Thankful for black olives. Thankful for laughter. For hugs. For funny stories. I'm thankful for this: Tobin is adamant that he doesn't have lips. He says lips are for girls.  I'm thankful for two whole days left to be home with my loves. Thankful the the sounds of kids laughing and playing in the basement. Thankful for walks around the neighborhood with Higbee. He loves to go visiting. Thankful that tomorrow, we have leftovers to eat.

     Thankful for this day.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving.

November 24, 2016
Day 75

     Thankful for a lovely Thanksgiving Day with family. Thankful for black olives, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and gravy. Thankful for time to sit and talk with family. Thankful for old kid movies like Heavyweights and Home Alone. Thankful for time off. Thankful for time to be thankful. Thankful for a good day and a happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Sometimes I feel this feeling:

November 23, 2016
Day 74

     Thankful for a good day at home with my kids and Higbee. Thankful for silly games that make us all laugh hard. I love to hear my kids laugh really hard. Thankful for time to sit around and do nothing. Thankful for time to read. Thankful for time to take really long, hot showers. Does anyone else use shaving cream to draw pictures with in the shower? If you don't, I highly recommend it. Thankful for music. For cold air. For walks with Higbee. For trees and leaves. For phones calls with people I love. For nights when I can go to bed early and not have to set an alarm for the next day. Thankful for so very many things to be thankful for. Sometimes I feel this feeling: I have so many things to be thankful for that I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. There's this feeling of joy and happiness and satisfaction and elation.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Five Whole Days.

November 22, 2016
Day 73

     Thankful for five whole days at home with my loves. Thankful for Thanksgiving. Thankful for a whole day devoted to giving thanks. Thankful for Santa hats. Tobin saw them the other day at the store and pitched a fit because I said we couldn't get them. What do I do today? I go to the same store he pitched a fit in, and buy the same Santa hats he pitched a fit over. His smile was worth it. Thankful that Heavyweights is on Netflix. Patty and I are in for a lot of laughs over this lovely Thanksgiving break. Thankful for time. Thankful for family. I love when I have nothing but time and family. Also, here's a very adorable picture of Higbee:


Monday, November 21, 2016

Wee Bairn!

November 21, 2016
Day 72

     "Darlin is expecting a wee bairn!" A few weeks ago, I wrote about being thankful for W.B. That stood for wee bairn. Wee bairn is the nickname we have given to Patty's baby. Today, we found out that wee bairn is a girl! I am so excited! I cannot wait to hold a sweet baby again. It has been too long since I held a wee one. Thankful for wee bairn.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Gifts.

November 20, 2016
Day 71

     I am so very thankful for the good, tight walls around me to call home. Especially on a cold day like today. It's a cozy feeling to be inside in the warmth and comfort of my home while the cold wind is howling and blowing outside. It's a peaceful feeling to know that your family is safe and warm sleeping in their beds while it's wildly windy outside. Thankful for a lovely day at home with my family. Thankful for time to lay in bed with my sweet babies and read to them. Thankful for blankets and pillows and warm pajamas. Thankful for Dr. Quinn. Thankful for this beautiful life. It's more than I ever could have imagined. I often wonder what I ever did to deserve being able to look at the blue of Adelyn's eyes every day. What did I do to deserve Tobin's smile? Matt's love? This lovely home? The answer is simple: nothing. I did nothing to deserve them. They are gifts. And I will treasure them always. They dazzle me more than diamonds and precious gems. Thankful for my gifts.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

It makes me feel warm.

November 19, 2016
Day 70

     After I got Tobin out of the bath tonight, he asked if I would sing him a song because he was sad. Adelyn and Tobin begged me to do, "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe," to see who would be getting out of the tub first. He wasn't "it." Hence, the sadness. I made up a song instead of singing the usual, "Silent Night." The words I sang were, "I love you, I love you, I love you forever." After I finished singing, Adelyn remarked, "Mama, that song...it makes me feel all warm inside." I'm so thankful that love has a certain feeling to it. And that feeling is warmth.

     Thankful for a good day with my family. Thankful for family movie and popcorn and ice cream nights. Thankful that I have one more whole day at home with my family. Thankful for a cold night and for a warm home. Thankful for the cozy, warm smell of roasted chicken. Thankful for the comforting smell of homemade stock cooking away on the stove. Thankful for days when you wake up saying, "I'm going to clean the entire house today!" but you end up doing something else that is way more important. I did that today. I relaxed. I spent time with my babes. I cooked. And those things are way more important than dusting.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Exhausted.

November 18, 2016
Day 69

     I'm exhausted, and I can hardly keep my eyes open to write this so I'm going to be short and sweet tonight:

I'm thankful for Friday night, for Saturday, and for Sunday. I'm thankful for my bed and that I don't have to set alarms for tomorrow. Thankful for hot apple cider. Thankful for time spent with my sister. Thankful for laughter. Thankful for the old school Goofy cartoons, and thankful that my kids like watching them as much as I do. Thankful that tomorrow it's going to get cold, and thankful that I have a warm home with lots of blankets to cuddle in.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Blueberry Poppy Seed and Patty

November 17, 2016
Day 68

     Thankful for a good day. Thankful for a day full of deep breaths. And fresh, cool air. Thankful for good food. Thankful for warm smiles from my babies and my students. And from Higbee. He smiles with his whole body when I come home. He acts like I've been gone for a month, and it is simply wonderful to be loved that way. Thankful that my husband loves me and wants to be around me every second when we're home together. Thankful that Adelyn and Tobin shout out and smile and run to us and give us the biggest hugs in the world when we get home. Thankful that tomorrow is Friday. And that next week is Thanksgiving. Thankful for treats from Trader Joe's waiting downstairs to surprise the kids with in the morning. They like to have dessert after dinner, and usually that dessert consists of a cookie. So I picked out the cookie that looked the least likely to tempt me to give them for their dessert each night. I chose a box of, "Blueberry Poppy Seed" cookies. I had to see what they tasted like; too bad they are some of the most delicious cookies I've ever tasted. Thankful for phone calls with Patty. I get to feeling selfish when other people get more time with Patty than I do. I need to talk with her. I need to laugh with her. I need to just be in the same room as her. She makes me happy. I know I've said it before, but if I could, I'd put her in my pocket and carry her around with me all day and keep her to myself.

     Thankful for a good Thursday.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Toasted quinoa with garlic and chicken broth.

November 16, 2016
Day 67

     Thankful for toasted quinoa cooked with lots of garlic and chicken broth. I treat the quinoa the way you would treat seaseme seeds. I toast the quinoa in a bit of olive oil until it's a very dark brown. While I'm toasting, I add garlic, salt, pepper, and tumeric. Then when it's the perfect color, I add the chicken broth. I could eat the whole pan. So delicious. Thankful for black olives and tomatoes. Thankful for hot tea with honey. Thankful for my bed, my comforter, and my pillows. Thankful for a good day. Thankful for things to look forward to like the weekend, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Thankful for time to read with my kids at night. I love that they want to read longer than we are able to. It means they love books, and that makes me happy. Thankful for, "Wonderful Reading Wednesdays," at school. It's where we literally read all morning until recess. It's my favorite day of the week. Thankful for a clean kitchen, a clean floor, shoes that are neatly placed in a row by the front door, books in our library arranged in a organized and pleasing manner, and for clean bedrooms. Thankful for Higbee. I love it when I feel him cuddle up right next to me during the night. It makes me feel loved and cozy. Thankful for seeing a missed phone call from my mom. I love that my mom calls me. When she's around, I feel loved and cared for. When she's around, everything feels better. I'm so blessed to be able to call her my mom and my best friend. Thankful for hugs from Matt. Thankful that he vacuums and dries dishes. Thankful that he loves me even when it must be hard to. Thankful for my kids' toothbrushes. I don't know why, but I love them. I can't throw their old ones away. I love the way the bristles splay out from the way they brush their teeth.

     It was a good day, and for that I'm exceedingly thankful.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Goodnight.

November 15, 2016
Day 66

     Thankful for a good day at school. Thankful for a quiet house. Thankful for hugs I get from my students. Thankful for pictures and treasures from students. Thankful for my babies and my furry baby. Thankful that in about 30 seconds, I get to go to sleep and sleep all the way until morning. Thankful for the word, "Goodnight." (Can you tell I'm tired?)

     Goodnight.


Monday, November 14, 2016

Dear Reader,

November 14, 2016
Day 65

     Here's how the days have gone for me lately:

1. Anxiety.
2. OCD.
3. Doubt.
4. Panic.
5. Fear.
6. Five minute break.
7. Repeat.

     It is exhausting. It weighs me down. It makes me feel broken. And it is easy to lose hope when you feel broken.

     I know this is not all for naught. There is a reason. Maybe you're the reason, dear reader? Maybe I'm supposed to tell you that you're stronger than you think. It takes a very strong person to get through the day when you've got one hand on a slippery log and the rest of you is threatening to sink down fast. It takes a strong person to lay down to sleep at night when the night time is the darkest and the scariest and the silence is the most deafening. It takes a strong person to cling onto hope and to search and search and search for that precious light when all you see is thick darkness.

     Dear Reader,
         
     Cling to hope. And while you're waiting for your lighthouse to shine through into the darkness, do these things with all your might:

Be thankful.
Laugh.
Talk to family and friends.
Write.
Cry.
Go sit outside with the most beautiful tree you can find and be still.
Be silly.
Dance.
Sing.
Watch funny movies and shows.
Take your time preparing a lovely meal, and then eat it with those you love.
Cuddle with someone you love.
Cuddle with someone you love of the furry variety.
Read. (May I kindly suggest anything by Laura Ingalls Wilder.)
Be thankful again.
Be thankful some more.

      Oh, dear reader, you are stronger and braver than you know. You will beat this. You will come out of that black, dark water. And when you do, you will feel the warm sun soft and sweet against your face. Hold onto hope. Don't let go of it.

     "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afriad; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

     Thankful tonight for peace in the storm. For glimpes of light. For the thrill of hope in the midst of darkness. Thankful tonight for people who love me and are rooting for me. Thankful to be able to root for you, dear reader.


Sunday, November 13, 2016

Home is where the heart is.

November 13, 2016
Day 64

     Matt said it while we were driving home today: "Home is where the heart is." We were discussing that while it was sad to drive away from the beach, it was so wonderful to be driving home. Home is such a wonderful word. It feels good to speak it. It feels peaceful and cozy to think about it. I feel thankful to be in it. But it isn't just the four walls around me that make my home. It's the people I share it with. Home is family. A home is created not when one places things in a building and says, "We live here, now." Rather, a home is created when people come together with the common thought: We will dwell together in this building, and love will govern us. We will spend all of our times here: our good times, our bad times, our joyful times, our sorrowful times, our times of plenty, our times of want, our times of health, and our times of sickness. Here is where we will go through our days together. Here is where we will return to day after day, night after night. Here is where our love will reside. 

     Thankful for home.





   

Saturday, November 12, 2016

"I survived...the Avon Fishing Pier!"

November 12, 2016
Day 63

     What a simply wonderful day this was. Matt and I relaxed. Matt napped while I picked shells. (A proper shell picking expedition cannot end until you've found that one piece that makes the whole expedition worth it. Last year, I found a piece of blue sea glass. Today, I found a conch shell. It is a thing of beauty.) We ate good food. We picked out goodies to bring home to the kids. And then...we went to the Avon Fishing Pier. It was built in the 1960's, and the wind and waves have shifted it over the years. Walking on the pier is like walking through a fun house. It is so wavy and uneven. I was so scared because it was super windy and dark out. But I did it. And I was proud of myself. I told Matt that I needed an, "I survived the Avon Fishing Pier!" shirt.

     Thankful for a glorious day of sand, waves, sun, sunset, good food, good company, and quiet.




























Friday, November 11, 2016

Feast for the eyes.

November 11, 2016
Day 62














































     Thankful for wide open sky. For miles of ocean. For birds. For sand. For waves. For a glorious sunset. For nothing but time with my love. Thankful that this day was a feast for my eyes and rest for my soul.