Ludacris

Project 365 * 4
Day 403

     Matt and I got to go on a mini date to the grocery store this afternoon. While we drove, we listened to some of our old cd's. The first Kanye West album. When he wasn't an idiot. And Ludacris. When you mostly drive around listening to Raffi, or movies playing in the background, listening to adult music is such a luxury. And with Ludacris, it gets real adult, real fast. My favorite part of our drive was when I started rapping my favorite parts, and Matt gave me this really sweet smile. A smile that said, "it's okay that you can't rap, but wait, you're actually kind of good, oh wait, eh...not really, but you're funny, and I love you so much forever and ever. And, you're cute when you try and rap." Can a smile say all that? Yes. It can.

     Thankful for time with my man today. Thankful for time to drive down the road rapping to old cd's. Thankful for smiles that say more than a smile. Those are the best.

Driving down 234 with Tobin.

Project 365 * 4
Day 402

     I've driven down 234 countless times with Tobin. Countless. Today, we were driving down 234 to go to Toys R Us to exchange a book. As he babbled in the back seat, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of thankfulness and joy. I couldn't help but think back to when I was pregnant with him. I would drive down 234 to every OB appointment begging God that he would alive and healthy. I pleaded with God. I prayed more than I've ever prayed in my entire life. I was sick with worry driving to every appointment. Sick with worry everyday, really. The "what if's" flooding my mind. What if he's dead? What if he only has half of a heart? What if? After every appointment, I would celebrate. I would get a milkshake, or an ice cream cone. We would do something special. We celebrated every week of good news. I remember driving down 234 to have my c-section. I remember standing in the parking lot, doubled over in pain with a contraction before walking into the hospital. I was shaking and terrified. And my teeth were chattering. Which is a sign of extreme panic for me. And then, one week later, driving down 234 to go home with my sweet new son.

     I've driven down 234 more times than I can count with Tobin. But today? Today was special. I don't know...maybe it was the weather. Maybe it was the way he was babbling away in the back seat. Saying words indiscernible to anyone else but us, his family. All I know is today, the joy I felt driving down 234 with my boy was so alive and real, I felt like I could reach out and touch it. I felt like I was swimming in it. I felt like, if I was brave enough to face driving down 234 all those many times, if I was brave enough to face the uncertainty of week after week after week, for months, I am brave enough to do anything.

     Thankful for my Tobin. My hope. My lighthouse. Thankful that I can drive down 234 with him in the back seat. Babbling away in a language only I can understand. Thankful for his feathery white hair. Thankful for his sweet breath that always smells of milk. Thankful for his incredible smile. And his hugs and kisses. Tobin gives the absolute best hugs. The best hugs I've ever had. Which is pretty fitting, I'd say. Considering that after River passed, my arms felt like giant holes. Empty and aching. When Tobin was born, the aching stopped. My arms are never empty with him around. He sure knows how to put them to good use. He likes to be carried and held and hugged all day long. But, I don't mind, because he always hugs back. And his hugs are the best.

Bedtime Stories

Project 365 * 4
Day 401

     Thankful for bedtime stories. It's my favorite part of our bedtime routine. I love the way my children's skin feels against my skin while we read. It feels soft and clean. And slightly dewy from just having put lotion on them. I love the way Addy and Tobin's hair reminds me of feathers. It's so soft. I love cuddling with my babes while we read. I love watching Matt read to our children. Reading books before bed is one of my favorite childhood memories. I hope we are making reading books before bed something our children will remember fondly as well. Thankful for an early night. I've been pretty sleepy lately.

After you.

Project 365 * 4
Day 400

     I had to run a few errands today with Tobin. Our first stop was the post office. The parking lot was a mess. Cars zooming every which way. I was trying to park, and several impatient people zipped past me. I had to wait for an angry line of drivers to pass until I could back into a spot. I decided then that I would spend the rest of my day letting people go ahead of me. Whenever the opportunity presented itself, I would wave my hand, and say, "after you." There was plenty of opportunities. Especially at the gas station. There were two things I noticed about my kind gesture today. One, every single person that I let go ahead of me waved and smiled at me. I would wave and smile back. That's something that's really not done anymore, and it should be. Two, letting people go ahead of me did not add any time to day. I still made it home right on time for Tobin's lunch.

     Thankful for the opportunity to do something good today. Thankful for time spent with my sweet little boy blue. Thankful that this day is over, and now I can go lay in bed and crochet, watch a show, and sip on hot tea.

Frozen

Project 365 * 4
Day 399

     We took Addy and Tobin to the movies for the first time today. Just the four of us. We saw Frozen. It was such a fun little outing. Once we got out the door and into the car that is. Both Adelyn and Tobin cried for like 20 minutes straight right before we left. It was so fun to watch my kids experience the movie theater for the first time. They loved the movie. I have two favorite memories from our special movie date. One was watching Tobin point at the Coca-Cola polar bears during a commercial before the previews. The other was watching Adelyn look at me with teary eyes during an especially dramatic part of the movie. It was so fun to sit there today with our little family and enjoy a special time together. The kids enjoyed all the goodies I packed for them. And I enjoyed sitting there with Tobin on my lap, then Addy, then Tobin again. They were playing musical laps. A game most parents are familiar with I'm sure.

     Thankful for a special family date today. Thankful for a first. I love firsts. Thankful we had such a good time together. Thankful to have such sweet babies to love. Thankful for the way their hair smells sweet, and feels soft against my cheek while I hold them. Thankful to be the mother of two of the most amazing souls. Adelyn and Tobin amaze me. And sometimes, I have to pinch myself when I look at them and at our life together. Because it is absolutely perfect, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Addy told me she DID NOT want her picture taken. 

She was mad at me for taking her picture anyways. 

Best picture I could get of my fussy boy. He developed a fever very suddenly after his bath tonight :(

Football Shmutball.

Project 365 * 4
Day 398

     Okay. I admit it. I actually hate football. I detest it. I hate the noise of the football game on in the background. I hate sports news shows. I hate sports center. Especially that, du-du-du, du-du-du, jingle. And I hate the super bowl, too. I thought I was in good company with my mom tonight, but even she wanted to watch the game. Madness, I tell you.

     Even though I hate football, I still had a great Sunday. Family time. Good food. Laughter. Lots of crocheting going on. It was a great day. Even though the dumb old football game was on.

     Thankful for a great Sunday with family. Thankful for time spent outside. Thankful for laughter. Thankful for a full, good day of nothing but family. I love days like that.

Crocheting is my new favorite thing!

Project 365 * 4
Day 397

     Had a lovely, lovely day. I got to spend some time alone this morning. Matt watched the kids for about an hour. It was such a nice break. I came home to find Matt, Addy, Tobin, Patty, Casey, and Sophia outside enjoying the sunshine. Tobin saw me drive up, and walked his little self all the way back home as quick as he could to see me, and have me hold him and hug him. Tobin gives the absolute best baby hugs I've ever had. Made me smile and feel warm inside. We had a nice lunch together. During which Matt's mom came over to visit for the day. I love hearing Addy and Casey run up and say, "GRANDMA!" I love that because Sue is Addy's grandma, she is Casey's as well. It was so sweet to see them so excited to see her. And say other cute things like, "sit by me, Grandma!"

     After Tobin went down for his nap, Sue and I went out. It was so, so, so good to get out of the house with another woman for some shopping and talking. It was the highlight of my day. Second highlight of my day? Sue bought me some yarn and a crochet hook, and taught me how to crochet! I am so beyond excited. I cannot wait to make a zillion blankets, and scarves, and hats, and other fun stuff. And I cannot wait to be done with all I need to do for the night so I can crochet for a few hours.

     Thankful for a very pleasant day. Thankful for the sunshine. Thankful for time to myself. Thankful for time with Sue to go out shopping. Thankful for all the love she shows our family. Thankful she taught me how to do my new favorite activity--crochet. I'm super excited about making all kinds of soft blankets.