Day 3,184
I feel tired and weary. I keep longing for simpler times. When I was living in those simple times, I didn't think they were simple. I remember thinking: "If I can just get there, I'll have what I need." I don't remember what the needs were, but I'm sure they had to do with having a really great job, money, and the means to do what we want to do.
The thing is: I think Matt and I are there. We have arrived to the place we always wanted to be, but life doesn't seem easier now. It actually seems more complicated.
I've been missing the days when we were poor, but very happy. We went on walks, went to the playground, watched the train go by, watched sunsets, we enjoyed our family time, we danced in the kitchen every single night. We didn't have everything we wanted, but we had what we needed.
Now, we have things that we want, but I find myself wanting less of all the things and stuff and titles and importance and more of the stuff I need: time with my family, laughter, quiet spaces, laughter, and simple daily tasks. Things like walks, cleaning the kitchen, making bread, cooking dinner, kitchen dances.
I find myself wanting to go back to the poor times. Not because we were poor, but because they were simple and uncomplicated.
I see the irony in all this.
I'm wanting to go back to simpler times because right now is hard.
In 10 years, I'll want to be back to this time.
I'm not sure what the answer to all of this is except that there are good and simple times to be had in every season of life. There are simple moments to find right where I'm at. I just have to stop wishing for what's past and feeling anxious about the future.
I'm going to try hard over the next few days, weeks, and months to seek out simple moments and stay in them.
Thankful for simple moments. I know they're there. I'll be looking for them every day.
