To the tormented.

March 12, 2017
Day 182

I've been writing and deleting now for the better part of an hour, so I'm going to list what I want to say because my words and my thoughts are jumbled.    

-For the past few days, I have been tormented by anxiety. My mind feels like a playground from hell where fear, doubt, and anxiety take turns pushing me off the slide. It is utterly exhausting. It takes everything in me not to give in to panic.

-When I'm tormented, I focus on all things good and lovely. I focus on the things to be thankful for. I focus on the many, many ways in which God has blessed me. I focus on the light. And when I do that, the dark cloud of anxiety starts to dissipate. The fog of confusion and doubt is lifted.

-I have more things to be thankful for than I could ever even possibly list. Things like:

*There are sweet dogs sleeping in my house right now.

*There are sweet babies, my sweet babies, sleeping in my house right now.

*There are trees and birds.

*There are sunsets.

*There is the sky.

*There is ice cream.

*There is family.

*There is music.

*There is bedtime.

*There is a place called home.

*There are funny shows to watch and laugh at.

*There is a new baby coming soon.

*There are new days.

*There is cuddling on the couch.

*There is food to make.

*There are books to read.

*There are sidewalks with little flower petals on them.

*There are flowers.

*There is the smell of home.

*There is hope.

*There is love.


     To the tormented, "Courage, dear heart." -C.S. Lewis