Day 80. "Don't worry, Mama."
These were the words spoken to me tonight by my almost 2 year old. We were doing some coloring and stickering after dinner, and she looked up at me, put her hand on my cheek, and said, "don't worry, Mama." This is profound because, my mind had just started to wander. We were coloring, and I started to worry. Her response was immediate.
I'm convinced that my Adelyn is wise beyond her age. It wasn't a few weeks ago or so...that she said the same thing to Tobin. "Don't worry, baby." Her words renew my faith. When you're floating on your back so often and for so long in a dark ocean...words like hers are a lighthouse.
Thankful that Adelyn has been and continues to be my lighthouse.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
79. My husband is awesome!
Day 79. My husband is awesome!
One of the many reasons I love my husband so very much is because he is always thinking of us. Always. Always thinking about what we might need. Or what we need for our home. Or for Adelyn. Or Tobin. He even found this awesome chair/pillow that I can use to sit in bed and breastfeed Tobin after my C-section. It comes with cup holders, a built in back massager, and a book light. Pretty sweet!
As he was putting up our new curtains in our living room tonight...I thought about how bare this home would be without him. Not because I don't like to decorate...but just because when he buys something for us, or for our home...he does so with love. He buys it because he is proud of us. Proud of our family. And our home. That gives me such an amazing feeling. And it makes the things and decorations in our home mean so much more. Like my pink teapots...I have my Grandmother's old pink kitchen table in our kitchen. I love it. It is so retro, and I have so many fond memories around the pink table. To decorate the pink part of our kitchen, Matt bought me 6 or 7 pink teapots to put up on a shelf. As I was putting them up the day they were delivered...the shelf fell from the wall, and all the teapots crashed to the floor. That was a hard day. We had just lost River, and it was this little bit of happiness...and it just came crashing down to the floor. Felt like our broken dreams. Not a week later...I had all brand new teapots. And new shelves as well.
So in mad, crazy, love with my man. Blessed to be in love with a man who loves me, and our family more than anything.
One of the many reasons I love my husband so very much is because he is always thinking of us. Always. Always thinking about what we might need. Or what we need for our home. Or for Adelyn. Or Tobin. He even found this awesome chair/pillow that I can use to sit in bed and breastfeed Tobin after my C-section. It comes with cup holders, a built in back massager, and a book light. Pretty sweet!
As he was putting up our new curtains in our living room tonight...I thought about how bare this home would be without him. Not because I don't like to decorate...but just because when he buys something for us, or for our home...he does so with love. He buys it because he is proud of us. Proud of our family. And our home. That gives me such an amazing feeling. And it makes the things and decorations in our home mean so much more. Like my pink teapots...I have my Grandmother's old pink kitchen table in our kitchen. I love it. It is so retro, and I have so many fond memories around the pink table. To decorate the pink part of our kitchen, Matt bought me 6 or 7 pink teapots to put up on a shelf. As I was putting them up the day they were delivered...the shelf fell from the wall, and all the teapots crashed to the floor. That was a hard day. We had just lost River, and it was this little bit of happiness...and it just came crashing down to the floor. Felt like our broken dreams. Not a week later...I had all brand new teapots. And new shelves as well.
So in mad, crazy, love with my man. Blessed to be in love with a man who loves me, and our family more than anything.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
78. Finding Truth in Finding Nemo
Day 78. Finding Truth in Finding Nemo
I find that many children's books and movies contain so much depth and truth. If you read between the lines, you will find truths that make you think. One of my favorite authors of all time is Dr. Suess. The man was amazing! Simply...amazing. I love his books. I got to thinking about this subject--truth in children's books and movies--because I found this little thing I want to get framed for River's memorial case. It is a square piece of paper from this notebook with the following quote on it: "A person's a person, no matter how small. In my eyes, you're nearly 800 feet tall." I love that quote. It brings me comfort. I want to get it copied and send it to the people who said River never was. She was small. But she was a person. And in my eyes...she was nearly 800 feet tall. :) She was something great, no...magnificent.
It was a couple of days ago...I started to feel a lot of anxiety again. Doubts and questions. Fear and worry. It is relentless...the fear always bugging my brain. And for some strange reason...the thought came to my head, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim." And I thought about Marlin. On the surface...it's a movie about fish for kids. But, there are some major life truths in that movie. This poor fish, Marlin, was on top of the world. He had it all. A beautiful home. A lovely wife. Hundreds of babies...almost ready to be born. And tragedy struck. His entire life was destroyed. Lost his love and babies...except for one. Nemo.
Of course...anyone who has suffered great loss understands that after that loss...life seems scary. It is unknown. It is uncertain. And Marlin's reaction to his loss was to hide. Hide from life. He wanted to stay safe, always, in his home, with his son. And he learned to fear. And to be afraid. Of everything.
Fast forward to the end of the movie where Dory and Marlin are trapped inside the mouth of a whale. There is a large rumbling, and Dory says that the whale is telling them to move to the back his throat. Of course, Marlin is like, hell no! I'm not going to get swallowed. And he even asks..."how do you know something bad isn't going to happen." Dory replies..."I don't." But she says something interesting. "It's time to let go." Of course...kids watching the movie think this means that Marlin and Dory should let go of the giant bump on the whale tongue. But, it means more. "It's time to let go."
I picture myself floating often. My body feels like I'm clinging onto something...I don't know what. I can't quite describe it. It's like I have this small something that I cling to. It helps me keep my head just above water. But it also keeps me in a scary place. A place of fear and anxiety and doubt and panic. It's time to let go. It's time to just float. To just trust. It is so hard. And very scary. And I don't know that something bad isn't going to happen. But, it's time to let go.
I find that many children's books and movies contain so much depth and truth. If you read between the lines, you will find truths that make you think. One of my favorite authors of all time is Dr. Suess. The man was amazing! Simply...amazing. I love his books. I got to thinking about this subject--truth in children's books and movies--because I found this little thing I want to get framed for River's memorial case. It is a square piece of paper from this notebook with the following quote on it: "A person's a person, no matter how small. In my eyes, you're nearly 800 feet tall." I love that quote. It brings me comfort. I want to get it copied and send it to the people who said River never was. She was small. But she was a person. And in my eyes...she was nearly 800 feet tall. :) She was something great, no...magnificent.
It was a couple of days ago...I started to feel a lot of anxiety again. Doubts and questions. Fear and worry. It is relentless...the fear always bugging my brain. And for some strange reason...the thought came to my head, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim." And I thought about Marlin. On the surface...it's a movie about fish for kids. But, there are some major life truths in that movie. This poor fish, Marlin, was on top of the world. He had it all. A beautiful home. A lovely wife. Hundreds of babies...almost ready to be born. And tragedy struck. His entire life was destroyed. Lost his love and babies...except for one. Nemo.
Of course...anyone who has suffered great loss understands that after that loss...life seems scary. It is unknown. It is uncertain. And Marlin's reaction to his loss was to hide. Hide from life. He wanted to stay safe, always, in his home, with his son. And he learned to fear. And to be afraid. Of everything.
Fast forward to the end of the movie where Dory and Marlin are trapped inside the mouth of a whale. There is a large rumbling, and Dory says that the whale is telling them to move to the back his throat. Of course, Marlin is like, hell no! I'm not going to get swallowed. And he even asks..."how do you know something bad isn't going to happen." Dory replies..."I don't." But she says something interesting. "It's time to let go." Of course...kids watching the movie think this means that Marlin and Dory should let go of the giant bump on the whale tongue. But, it means more. "It's time to let go."
I picture myself floating often. My body feels like I'm clinging onto something...I don't know what. I can't quite describe it. It's like I have this small something that I cling to. It helps me keep my head just above water. But it also keeps me in a scary place. A place of fear and anxiety and doubt and panic. It's time to let go. It's time to just float. To just trust. It is so hard. And very scary. And I don't know that something bad isn't going to happen. But, it's time to let go.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
77. "Otterstedt Invasion"
Day 77. "Otterstedt Invasion"
My parents and brother have been without power since Friday's storm. So, my Mom and the three pups came to stay at our house. My Dad and Shane had to stay home because they work in DC, and the commute would be too long from our house. But, they came to visit most every day. They got power back today, so after our fun 4th...my Mom began packing up all her things to go back home. As she was doing so, my Dad said something along the lines of, "are you happy to have your house back...after the "Otterstedt Invasion?" Of course, I told him to never say anything like that again.
In my opinion, an, "Otterstedt Invasion," is the best kind of invasion to have. There are fluffy pups to keep you company. There is laughter. And dancing. And food. And ice cream. And love. Lots of love.
"Invasion?" Count me in.
My parents and brother have been without power since Friday's storm. So, my Mom and the three pups came to stay at our house. My Dad and Shane had to stay home because they work in DC, and the commute would be too long from our house. But, they came to visit most every day. They got power back today, so after our fun 4th...my Mom began packing up all her things to go back home. As she was doing so, my Dad said something along the lines of, "are you happy to have your house back...after the "Otterstedt Invasion?" Of course, I told him to never say anything like that again.
In my opinion, an, "Otterstedt Invasion," is the best kind of invasion to have. There are fluffy pups to keep you company. There is laughter. And dancing. And food. And ice cream. And love. Lots of love.
"Invasion?" Count me in.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
76. Joy
Day 76. Joy
After dinner tonight, we all (Patty, Casey, Matt, Omi, Addy, and myself) decided to go to Sweet Frog for a treat. I need to capture Adelyn's "excitement" expression on video. It is priceless. She opens her mouth very wide in an O shape while smiling. Her eyes are full of spark and wonder. As I was getting her out of her carseat, she made her excited face. She decided to bring her baby, a pink spatula from her kitchen, and a little train car she has named, Carmine. Carmine is a race car from an episode of The Little Einsteins. She had to carry all three treasures with her. As we were walking in, she spotted Casey, Patty, and my Mom walking up from another parking spot. She yelled out, "Casey! Tante! Omi! Come on, guys! Let's go!" We walked in, and her favorite song was playing. Rihanna's "We found love." And she started dancing.
It dawned on me right then how full of joy she is. Everything is an adventure to her. She loves to dance, and sing. She loves to go on little trips and outings with us. Even wagon walks are special to her. She smiled a very sweet smile at Matt and I this morning on our walk. For no reason. Looked up at us, and smiled. Those are my favorite smiles. She is so full of life. And love. She is so so so amazing. I am constantly in awe of the little life we are blessed with. God knows how much we need her.
Thankful for the joy that my daughter exudes on daily basis. It is infectious.
Monday, July 2, 2012
75. Good news on baby Tobin
Day 75.Good news on baby Tobin
I always feel on top of the world when I hear good news about my sweet baby, Tobin. I love leaving an appointment happy, and with a smile on my face. I love seeing him move around inside me. I love seeing pictures of his feet. I cannot wait to hold them, and kiss them. I love going on a lunch date with Matt afterwards to celebrate. We like to celebrate every step of the way. We talk about him, and about how much our life will change. And about how much we will all love him.
We can't wait to meet you, sweet son!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
74. Determination
Day 74. Determination
I wish I could have the determination that Adelyn has. She knows what she wants. And she finds a way to get it. Tonight, after changing a very wet diaper at around 9:45pm (I thought maybe that was the reason she was still awake...usually, she's asleep by 7:30pm!), Addy found two toys she wanted to take back to bed with her. I told her no. She didn't like that very much. About 10 minutes later, Shane said it sounded like one of the kids was up and walking around. (We have a full house. My parents are still without power, and Patty and A.J.'s air conditioner is broken.) Matt and I went to check, and there she was. Walking around her room. With the two toys I told her she couldn't have. How in the world she climbed out of her crib without making a loud thump is beyond me. It was as if she she knew the noise would alert us to her being up.
I wish I could be that determined. Thankful I have miss Addy B to show me how it's done.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)