Last night as a nine year old.

October 14, 2022

Day 2,188

Thankful for: 

A good Friday. 

Sweet students. 

This is Tobin's last day as a nine year old. 

We went shopping to pick out special things for his birthday. 

We're watching the season finale of The Rings of Power tonight. 

We're going to sit around the fire pit tonight. 

I love the feeling of being home on a Friday night and knowing that I have two more days off ahead of me. 

I can't wait to celebrate Tobin's birthday tomorrow. 

Wildflowers.

October 13, 2022

Day 2,187

     As I was driving home today, I noticed some really pretty wildflowers growing along the side of the road. There were yellow flowers, purple flowers, and white flowers. There was tan-green grass blowing and bending in the wind. All along the side of the road on my way home today, I could find wildflowers every couple of minutes of so. 

     I thought about this when I saw them: 

     Try as I might to keep weeds, unwanted grass, wildflowers, clover, and any other plant life from growing where I don't want it to go, I can't. Even if I am able to keep unwanted grass from growing, I am still left over with an ugly bit of twisty roots where I pulled the grass out. If I am not left with that, I'm left with just dirt. 

     But if you just let nature do its thing, if you just give up and let go, and let the wildflowers grow where they want to grow, the result is much better than if you'd tried to pull out the tiny green shoots growing. Wildflowers are a reminder to stop holding on so tightly. They are reminder to just let go a bit. I think a wild, untamed garden is the very best kind. It is the truest to nature. 

Thankful for: 

Reminders to let go. 

Reminders to let the wildflowers grow where they want to grow. With the right amount of water, sun, and air, they will grow. 

Reminders to let my children be wild and free. 

Wednesday's List.

October 12, 2022

Day 2,186

Thankful for: 

The feeling of being home after a long day. 

Tobin said this to me today, "I love the world."

Sweet students. 

My Addy girl and my Tobin boy. 

My amazing husband. 

Higbee. 

Things to be thankful for. 

Dinner date. Moment.

October 11, 2022

Day 2,185

Date with Tobin: 

 
Tobin and I went on a dinner date tonight to Chipotle. We had a very nice, quiet dinner outside sitting in the late afternoon sunshine. While we ate, we watched little sparrows and fed them bits of crumbs from our plates. I love to watch Tobin watch animals. He has such a tender heart towards all creatures. I'm thankful that I get to call Tobin my son. He makes me proud every day. 

Moment with Adelyn: 

Adelyn was gone for most of the day today. We all left the house at 7:15. Tobin and I let to go pick her up around 6, and we all didn't come home again until 8:00. It was a long day. Adelyn went up right away to get a shower. When she came down, she told me that she really missed me today. She said she kept thinking over and over, "I miss my mom." Adelyn makes me proud every day. She is full of beauty and courage. I can't believe God chose me to be her mother. 

Thankful for: 

A dinner date with my boy. 

Sparrows eating crumbs. 

Late afternoon sun. 

Mexican food. 

The color of Tobin's eyes. 

Seeing Adelyn's smile after a long day of not seeing it. 

Hugs from my girl. 

I was missed today and Adelyn told me so. It is good to be loved, needed, and missed. 

Adelyn got to go to bed early. I'm glad for her. 

Lunches prepped and ready to go. Tobin has Panera for lunch tomorrow. 

A huge flock of birds chirping and making noise that landed in the treetop where the sun was still hitting it in the early evening glow of sunset. Higbee and I watched thousands of birds fly over our backyard. It was magical to watch. 

A good day today. 

Love texts from Matt. Matt will be home tomorrow. 

The real me.

October 10, 2022

Day 2,184

     It was a good day. We spent it mostly at home relaxing and getting some things done around the house. Tobin and I went out early this morning to get bagels from Panera and some chocolate chips for baking some cookies. We all watched The Rings of Power. It was a really good episode. We had homemade pizza for dinner. We watched The Lord of the Rings movies. We did laundry. Matt and I took Higbee on a walk. 

     Humble days are the best days. There isn't anything particularly grand or noteworthy going on. It's just an ordinary day, but I think that because ordinary days make up the majority of our days, they make us who we are. So, if our ordinary days are spent smiling, laughing, hugging, relaxing together, working on our home together, and loving each other, it means that we are actually people who spend our lives smiling, laughing, hugging, relaxing together, working on our home together, and loving each other. That's a comforting thought. We are not the rush-rush-rush, go-go-go version of ourselves. That's just how we behave under pressure. The real us, the real version, the real deal...that is the us that we are on all of our humble, ordinary days. 

     I like the real me. I'm thankful I got to see her today. 

Fun Fall Day. Perspective.

October 9, 2022

Day 2,183

     We went to a farm today with some friends. It was a lovely day. The sun was warm, and the breeze was cool. It was the perfect fall day. The kids were able to play and have fun together. Today, I had Patty's kids with me. Adelyn and Casey are in 7th grade. Tobin and Phia are in 4th grade. Odette is in kindergarten. This exact day, six years ago, in 2016, we went to a farm. I was looking back at pictures from that day this morning. Adelyn, Casey, Tobin, and Phia were so young. Odette wasn't even born yet. Six years from now, in 2028, Adelyn and Casey will be 18. Tobin and Phia will be 16. Odette will be 11. 

     I don't have that much time left at home with my babies. I want to be more careful with it. I want to be more careful with my love. I want to spend my extra minutes during the day talking with them and making them loved, special, and important. I want to stop rushing around and being busy with my body and busy with my thoughts.

     Today, I am thankful for beautiful colors of hair blowing in the wind. I am thankful for the very blue sky with tiny puffs of white clouds dotting it. Thankful for time with friends. Thankful for a beautiful drive through the country. I'm thankful that Matt is home tomorrow. Thankful for time with family tonight. Thankful for a delicious dinner. Thankful for time that I get to sleep all night. Thankful for a new day tomorrow. It's a new day that I can pour all of what's good in me into being a good wife, mother, aunt, friend, sister, and friend. 

     Thankful for perspective. Thankful for clarity. 

Lovely, long, beautiful Saturday.

October 8, 2020

Day 2,182

Thankful for: 

A lovely, long, beautiful Saturday. 

Vegetable eggrolls. 

A little grocery shopping. 

Homemade sourdough pizza dough. 

Hot sourdough rolls straight out of the oven, smeared with a generous helping of butter, and drizzled with honey. 

Many cups of tea with honey. 

Plans to go to a farm tomorrow morning. 

Lighting all the candles just for us. 

A full house tonight. I've got Casey, Phia, and Odette here spending the night. 

We went to see Patty and Armando's new house. It's coming together! I'm excited for them to move in. 

Time with my sister. 

Sweaters and sweatpants. 

The feeling of cozy when it's chilly outside.