We got dirty today. And if felt good.

Project 365 * 4
Day 396

     It was as if the sun was beckoning to me through the window. The warm rays of sunshine blinding me while Addy and I worked on writing letters. As soon as Tobin got up from his nap, we were out the door. Tobin and Addy took off right away. Adelyn on her scooter with Tobin running behind. We ran to our hill. We watched the sunset. We walked. We watched planes. We sat in the grass. We got dirty. We played by our tree. Addy played with sticks. And Tobin tried to eat rocks. And dirt. And grass. And dirty snow. We looked at lawn ornaments. One of Addy and Tobin's favorite outdoor activities. Tobin was especially enthralled with a pair of bears, and a gingerbread girl.

     Thankful for the tolerable cold weather. It was so good to get outside, and not fear that my children will get frostbite. Thankful for fresh, cold air to breathe. Thankful for sunsets, and grass, and sticks, and rocks. Thankful we got dirty playing outside today. It was a good feeling. I sure missed it.

Markus

Project 365 * 4
Day 395

     All that I have and hold dear might not be. If it wasn't for Mark.

     Mark and I were together for a while in high school. He treated me good. He was very sweet and giving. He would drop anything for me. If I needed him to pick me up, he was there. If I needed someone to talk to, he was there. He would tell me all the time how beautiful I was. He didn't care that I was just a wee bit crazy in high school. High school was the height of my anxiety/panic/depression era. He didn't mind. He would eat dinner at our house a lot. It's funny that when we saw each other a couple years ago, one thing we talked about was food. He remembered having turkey salad sandwiches and juice boxes at our house. Shane was super little when Mark and I were together. Our fridge was always stocked with juice boxes.

     He would buy me sweet presents. One year for Valentine's Day, he bought me the movie, Great Expectations. I was slightly obsessed with that movie in high school, so it meant a lot to me. And he never minded when I stole his things. Like his sweatshirts. In fact, I still have one of his sweatshirts hanging in my closet. (Sorry, Markus!)

     When I think about Mark, I feel thankful. And I feel bad. I feel bad because he was so good to me, and I treated him like crap sometimes. Like the time he came to pick me up from track practice, and some people said to me, "hey, your boyfriend is here!" And I shouted back, "he's not my boyfriend!" And he heard me. When I got in the car, he said, "if I'm not your boyfriend, then what am I?" And I gave him some dumb answer that didn't make any sense. Mostly because I didn't make any sense in high school. And even though I did that to him, and probably made him feel like absolute crap, he stayed with me.

     Mark and I were still together when I started to like Matt. Mark would pick me and Patty up for school in the morning. And for some reason, we started picking up Matt as well. Mark had a Prelude with a tiny back seat. Patty and I would sit in the back seat, and I would have to stretch my legs up and around the seat in front of me in order to sit. I would always sit behind Matt. And I would stretch my legs up and around his seat. For a while, we would just ride to school like that. Like it was no big deal. But, then one day, Matt touched my legs. Just kind of rested his arms on them. And I felt this "something." I felt it once before when Matt and I had a class together. It is a feeling I can't explain. I can only say that it was like strong magnets being drawn together. That was the thing that propelled our relationship forward. Matt resting his arms on my legs as we rode to school in Mark's car. Matt and I have often talked about how if it wasn't for Mark, we might not have been.

     It's amazing how people come in and out of your life. It's amazing the things that stick with you. For example, I don't need Facebook to tell me that Mark's birthday is July 14th. I always think about him on that day. I believe that every person comes into your life for a reason. Most of the time, we don't get to see the big picture. We don't see the masterpiece unfold. But, when we do see how all the pieces fit together...it's truly amazing. If it wasn't for Mark and I, Matt and I might never have existed.

    I'm thankful for Mark. I'm thankful for all the memories I have with him. I'm thankful for the love he showed me while we were together. I'm thankful for the love he showed me when I hurt him. I'm thankful we still keep in touch sometimes. He was the vehicle that brought Matt and I together. Literally. And for that, I am eternally thankful to him. And for him.

Raccoon Paw Prints on Freshly Fallen Snow.

Project 365 * 4
Day 394

     I'm not normally a morning person. But this morning was such a gift to me. I was up very late cleaning last night. It's just easier for me to clean at night when the kids are in bed. But I tend to get really caught up in all the cleaning, and I don't realize how late it gets. Last night I stopped cleaning around 1, and went to sleep around 1:30. Tobin woke up around 2, and cried until 4:30. When my alarm rang at 6 this morning, I was shaking. Literally. Then I saw the most amazing text message ever. 2 Hour Delay. A 2 hour delay means no school for us. Because Addy and Casey go to school in Lorton, and their day would start at 11 instead of 9, and they have to be picked up at 1, we never go to school if there is a 2 hour delay. It's just a whole lot of driving for not much schooling. When I saw that text this morning, it was as if angels were singing hymns of praise as sunbeams shown down from the heavens.

     As I walked Roxy this morning in the brisk cold, I felt alive. The best part of our walk this morning was examining all the different paw prints on the snow. Dog prints. Cat prints. Bunny prints. Bird prints. A big bird, too. And my favorite, the raccoon paw prints. They were so adorable. Like funny little hands. It was amazing to see how busy all the animals were this morning.

     As I was shoveling our steps this morning, I realized I could do my kind thing for the week. I shoveled my neighbor's steps, and the sidewalk in front of his house, as well as ours. It was a small kind thing, and the snow was easy to shovel, but I was so happy for the opportunity to be kind to my neighbor. I was happy that while I was doing something kind, I could breath in more cold, fresh air. And the opportunity to do something kind and good only added to all the joys of this very sweet morning.

     We had a leisurely breakfast bathed in the warm sunlight pouring in the windows. It was quiet. It was clean. It was warm. It was pretty. And I was so, so thankful to be home with both my babies. I was so glad I didn't have to brave the cold, and traffic, and busyness of the day. I was so glad to be at home on yet another snow day with my two loves.

     Thankful that I got to sleep a little extra this morning. Thankful for another snow day. This winter rocks. Thankful for paw prints in freshly fallen snow. Thankful for the brisk cold air this morning. Thankful for fresh air in my lungs. Thankful for a lazy morning with my babes. Thankful for a quiet breakfast. Thankful for sunlight pouring through windows. Thankful for a very fine morning.

"I guess I was just born with it."

Project 365 * 4
Day 393

     Here are some of the brightest and best and sweetest moments from my day.

1. Reading to Tobin. Patty drove Adelyn and Casey to school today, so Tobin and I had the whole morning to ourselves. We read for a long time cuddled up on the couch in his room. It was cozy, and I love the feeling of his feather soft hair against my cheek.

2. Watching a movie with John and Ryleigh. Tobin was down for his nap, and while we waited for Addy to get home from school, I put on one of my favorite movies from my childhood. It was really nice to sit and watch an older "kid" movie with two sweet kids.

3. An actual conversation I had with John today:

John: Hey, do you know that I can do Irish dancing?
Me: No, I didn't know that. Where did you learn Irish dancing?
John: This guy came to my school and did Irish dancing, so I decided to try it...and I did it on my first try. I guess I was just born with it.

4. Watching Tobin laugh hysterically at Ryleigh and John. By the time I grabbed my video camera, they were doing something else. But, I've never heard Tobin laugh so hard. Also, watching him hug them. Hug after hug after hug after hug.

5. Seeing Addy's bright and smiling face after school. I was busy talking to Patty about something, and I didn't realize she had been standing right in front of me, all wrapped up in her coat, and her panda hat, and gloves, smiling at me. We held hands as we waked inside. And for some reason, she seemed so very tiny to me.

6. Having a dance party in the basement. Dancing is the best. Sometimes, one just needs to dance for an hour or two. I sure needed to.

     Thankful that so many good and sweet moments filled my day. Thankful for my warm home on this cold night. I'm thankful that I have a zillion piles of laundry to fold. I'm thankful that I have to vacuum. And clean the floors. I'm thankful the bathrooms need scrubbing. I'm thankful for all of this because it means I have a full home. It means I have children to love. It means my dreams came true. Feeling especially thankful tonight to have two sweet babes sleeping in their beds upstairs. Thankful for so much love in my life. I surely didn't do anything to deserve such amazing blessings.

Fun with Cousins.

Project 365 * 4
Day 392

     Ryleigh and John spent the day with us. And Addy and Tobin could not have been more happy about it. Aren't cousins the best? All my life, I've always loved cousins. And I love that my kids have cousins to grow up with. My favorite moment today was when John gave me a picture he painted for me. It says, "To: Christen   Love: John." It made my day. I'm going hang it on my wall. Along with all the other Adelyn and Tobin artwork. Kid art is the best art.

     Thankful for a fun day at home with family. Thankful for movies to watch. Thankful for papers to paint. Thankful for playdough. Thankful for things like playing dress up. Thankful for the beautiful sunset tonight. Thankful for a day done well.

I love Carmella. & "Wonderful Mail."

Project 365 * 4
Day 391

     I've been thinking a lot lately about my friend, Carmella. Every night actually. But, it's always too late to call. So, I say to myself, "I'm going to call her tomorrow...it's been way too long since we've talked." And then tomorrow comes and goes. And the next day. And the day after that. It's not that I don't want to call. I do. It's just that my days are dictated by two little people who like to keep me very busy. I hate the time and distance between us. But even so, whenever we do talk, nothing has changed. We love each other, and that's really all that matters.

     The thing I love about Carmella is that she isn't afraid to be herself. She isn't afraid to be silly. And goofy. She isn't afraid of what anyone thinks about her. She loves to have fun. She loves to laugh.

     We used to walk down the halls of our high school doing silly walks and dances. It didn't matter who saw us. One morning before school, I found my dad's deer call and thought it would be super funny to bring it to school. Carmella and I found a table in the middle of the cafeteria during lunch. We sat down alone. Just the two of us. I bent down low to the ground, and blew the deer call as hard as I could. The ENTIRE cafeteria went dead silent. Except for us. We were laughing hysterically. And just remembering it is making me laugh hysterically. Addy keeps asking me, "what's funny, mama?" 

     She doesn't stay mad long.

     I stole Carmella's car once in high school. We shared a locker. And she kept her car keys on the top shelf. She was busy doing something during lunch, and not wanting to look for someone else to eat with, I decided to steal her car and go to McDonald's. I thought I was pretty smooth until she came up to me at the end of the day, and asked why her car was parked in a different spot. I didn't think she'd notice. She was mostly mad at me not because I had stolen her car without asking, but because I didn't have a licence or a learner's permit.

     She'll stand by your side.

     We both had been invited, for some reason I forget, to attend a pizza party during our lunch block. We wanted to eat the pizza, but we didn't want to eat it in the room assigned for the pizza party. We grabbed our pizza, and tried to leave. But this teacher, I believe his name was Mr. Lenowitz, stopped us. He told us we had to eat the pizza in the pizza party room. We sat down and stared at our pizza. I have no idea why we didn't want to eat it in that room. But we didn't. Teenagers, right? Carmella noticed he had turned his back to us. She grabbed her plate of pizza, and told me to run. So we made a run for it. Then we heard him. Mr. Lenowitz. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!"  He was chasing us down the hallway. So we walked faster. He started running. We started running. We ran to the bathroom and for some strange reason flushed our pizza down the toilet. I guess we were trying to hide the evidence. We walked out together, and we got yelled at together. And, if I remember correctly, got in trouble together. For skipping out on a pizza party and flushing pizza down the toilet of all things. 

     She's cried with me.

     When River died, she called me and cried with me on the phone. Sometimes, you just need someone to be sad with you. To not give any advice. To not try to help. But to be sad. And cry with you. I don't remember many details about the days following River's death. But I do remember my conversation with Carmella. Because she called me and cried with me. And that's what I needed. 

     I love Carmella. I'm thankful to have found such an amazing person to love and call my friend. She's a beautiful person. And I love her dearly. Thankful for her. Thankful for her friendship.

     For my kind thing this week, I needed some help. So, I turned to the internet. There are dozens of websites on kindness. I found one with suggestions on ways to show kindness. One in particular caught my eye. It was called, "wonderful mail." The directions were simple. It said to write a note to a stranger and send it in the mail. It said to grab a phone book, and start sending out notes to say hello, or to encourage people, or to bring a little brightness to their day. Of course, I just used google. I would type in random numbers, and see which address would pop up first. I mailed little notes of happiness and encouragement to 16 random strangers. It was so fun to see the house my note would be going to on google street view. With each note, I said a little prayer for the person who would be receiving it. Since I love getting fun mail, I thought this would be a great way to show kindness this week. I hope that 16 strangers have a little bit of a brighter day because of my notes.

     Thankful for a very fun week at home with my babies. Snow days are the best. Thankful for a lazy Sunday. Thankful for websites that do nothing but give suggestions on ways to show kindness. That makes me happy. Websites devoted to good things only. Thankful for my sweet friend, Carmella. Thankful for all the love she has shown me over the years. Thankful that no matter how much time passes, she still loves me. She still considers me a best friend. Thankful to have been blessed with a woman like her in my life.

The front side of my notes to 16 strangers. Dr. Suess always says things best.