Yonase. Helping the needy.

Project 365 * 4
Day 551

52 Kind Things

     I gave food and money to a needy family today. It wasn't much food. It wasn't much money. But it was something. I'm so thankful to have all that I need and more. It's easy to forget how very blessed I am. But when you see something like a family with kids begging for money on the side of the road, it really puts things into perspective.

52 People I Love

     Been thinking about my friend, Yonase, this week. I worked with him at Starbucks. We had the absolute best time working together. We would literally laugh throughout our entire shift together. He is an amazing guy. He's one of those people that is always positive. He doesn't let things get him down. He is incredibly kind and fun. Everyone that meets him completely falls in love with him. He's just that lovable. It may sound silly, but one of my favorite things to do with him was to close the pastry case. We would do it together after we closed the store, and we would be hysterically laughing the entire time. I don't even know what about really. Just silly stuff. But it was my favorite part of the day. My other favorite thing to do with Yonase was drive. Windows down, music all the way up, a freshly lit cigarette after a long day. Our favorite song was, "Don't stop believing." We played it over and over. I so miss my friend. I hate all the time and distance between us. But, I'm so thankful for all the time I did get to spend with him. Because he is an incredible person, and I love him so much.


     Thankful for a fine day with family. I love family days. Thankful for bedtime. Even though it was an awesome day, it was a long one. And my body is aching for my bed.

July 5th Fun.

Project 365 * 4
Day 550

   

     Thankful for a wonderful day. Thankful for picnics under umbrellas with a cool-ish breeze blowing. Thankful for sparklers. And fireworks. Thankful for fresh salad with grilled corn off the cob in it. Thankful for burgers and hot dogs. Thankful that even though it was a bit hectic, as it always is with four little ones, time spent with family is always a good time. Thankful for my sweet grandparents. Thankful for so many people to love. 

Happy 4th of July. Sad 4th of July.

Project 365 * 4
Day 549

     It was an awesome day. And it was a sad day.

     It was awesome because: Matt's mom came over to spend the day with us. We went shopping at Toys R Us. We went grocery shopping and got all kinds of yummy things to eat. We watched movies. We played outside. We grilled burgers, hot dogs, and corn on the cob. We had the most delicious dinner. We had the most awesome cherry pie and apple pie for dessert. Complete with ice cream and whipped cream. We watched fireworks from a blanket on our favorite hill. Adelyn snuggled in tight with Grandma, and Tobin snuggled in tight with me. It was a truly wonderful day spent with my family.

     It was sad because: One of Matt's very good friends in the fire department passed away today. I met him a few times, and what struck me about him was his smile. He was always smiling. He seemed like such a sweet guy. It breaks my heart to think about the torturous road his young daughter and wife must walk now. I don't think it was a coincidence that just this morning, we were talking about what a nice guy he was. Matt was using a knife to get Tobin's new Buzz Lightyear out of the box. I picked up the knife, and noticed that it said, "Sanderson E516," on the blade. I asked him where he got it from, and he said his friend had given it to him for Christmas one year.

     I think the thing to be thankful for today is this: time. Time spent with those we love. Life on earth isn't forever. When we come to end of our lives, it isn't our accomplishments, or our possessions, or even the people we are leaving behind that matters most. It is what we did with our time while we were here. Matt's friend spent his time doing things like buying personalized Christmas gifts for the people he worked with. He spent his time throwing humongous birthday parties for his little girl. He spent his time being an awesome father. And I think that that is time well spent.

     Thankful for an awesome day with the ones I love dearly. Thankful for the reminder to spend my time wisely. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow. Or even the next minute. Life is so very fragile. There just isn't any time to waste. We must use every second. To show love to others. To be kind. To be thankful. We must use every second as if it is our last.

The art of play.

Project 365 * 4
Day 548

     The best part of my day? When Matt came home from working overtime, and all four of us played together until bedtime. We chased each other around the house. We tickled. We laughed. We blew raspberries on bare baby bellies. There is something so magical about playing with a child. I mean, really playing. Really getting into it. The art of play is something special. It's a talent we all at one point possessed, but over time, it's like...we forget how to do it. And then there are nights like tonight when it all comes rushing back at you. When you forget about bedtime and cleaning up toys, and you just play. It feels so, so good to do that. Thankful for Adelyn and Tobin. Thankful for all they teach me.

Kicking Ass. Doing Good.

Project 365 * 4
Day 547

     Interesting night. But, a very good night. Patty and I had an awesome workout at the gym. Lots of cardio. Weightlifting. Abs. And some more cardio for good measure. After the gym, we went to Food Lion because I needed toilet paper. We always need toilet paper. Addy likes to use a lot. And so does Tobin. He finds it to be great fun to pretend to blow his nose, and always wants just a little bit of it whenever Addy or I use the restroom. I give him one square, he pretends to blow, and then he wants to flush it. Food Lion happened to be closed, but it was good that we went because there was a homeless man there. He was trying to find someplace dry, I'm sure. It was pouring. We decided to get him some food. As we were sitting in the drive through at McDonald's, a car pulled up behind us. And the person inside the car started screaming and cursing at the woman taking money. We quickly alerted the manager, and he went to help. Thankfully, the man stopped screaming. After we gave the homeless man his meal, we went to Wal-Mart because I still needed toilet paper. We spent about twenty minutes rummaging through the $5 movie bin before we checked out. Which is always great fun because you can find some really great movies in those bins if you're willing to take the time to go through them. Then we spent about five minutes talking with the check-out woman. It's not anything to brag about, I know. But sometimes, just the littlest bit of kindness goes a long way. And working the check-out lane at Wal-Mart after midnight doesn't sound like a very fun job.

     Thankful for a great workout. Thankful for the feeling of, "we kicked ass at the gym tonight." Thankful for opportunities to do good. Thankful for opportunities to help others. Thankful for opportunities to be kind. It was a good night.

Finger Painting. Literally.

Project 365 * 4
Day 546

   

     Thankful for time spent in the art corner with my two little ones. Thankful that Tobin doesn't quite get it yet, and he makes a horrible mess of things. It's terribly cute. And it makes me smile and laugh. Thankful for a date at the movies with Adelyn, Tobin, Casey, and AJ. It was super fun to watch a movie with three little ones today. I loved watching their restless feet moving all around. Not even long enough to hang over the edge of the seat. Thankful for very good days spent with the ones I love. 

You make me want to be a better woman.

Project 365 * 4
Day 545

     I was watching the movie, As Good As It Gets, today. A movie about an obsessive-compulsive man who is terrified of the world he lives in. Terrified of germs. Cracks in the sidewalk. The usual things people with obsessive-compulsive disorder are terrified of. And it brought me back. Back to a time when I couldn't touch the handles of any public door. A time when I couldn't go out to eat because there might be germs. Or cracks in the seat at the restaurant. A time when the simple act of walking to my car in the dark made me question my sanity. Were those really footsteps I heard behind me? Did I really just see someone looking at me from behind a bush? It brought me back to a time when I was terrified of the world I was living in.

     In the movie, the man has a moment. A moment when he realizes that there is more to life than making sure to lock the door a million times. There is more to life than washing one's hands until they are raw and cracked and bleeding. He says to the woman he loves, "You make me want to be a better man." I don't know when that moment came for me. It wasn't all at once. It was gradual. Over time.

     Like the time after Adelyn was born. And there was a tornado warning. I made the entire family go down to the basement. I sat on the floor, holding my baby. I was shaking. Trembling. Panicking. Images of our house being torn to shreds flashing through my mind. Blood. Destruction. Chaos. And then I looked at Adelyn. And I knew I had to be a better woman. Like the time when Tobin threw up all day long. I wanted to scream and run for the hills. But, as I held my feverish boy, I knew I had to be a better woman. Like our trip to the beach. There are sharks in the ocean. Literal monsters that can tear a person to pieces in one bite, but as I looked at my children playing happily and unaware of any danger lurking, I knew I had to be a better woman.

     I didn't know that life could be lived this way. I didn't know that life could be good. And happy. And beautiful. And amazing. I didn't know that there could be days filled with nothing but love. I didn't know that it wasn't necessary to worry about everything every second of the day. I didn't know that my brain could think so clearly. I didn't know there was more to life than obsessions and compulsions.

     And then came Adelyn. And then came River. And then came Tobin. And I knew I had to be a better. Thankful for my children. The ones who taught me how to really live. The ones who taught me that love and light is bigger and brighter than even the darkest of days. The ones who made me want to be a better woman.