Rivers of Thankfulness: Tobin and Leo

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Tobin and Leo

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 31

     Had a play date with some good friends today. While Megan and I were texting each other, setting up this play date, my phone messed up, and took me to the very beginning of our text conversation. I skimmed through our texts. There was a theme. We were both pregnant. And we were both scared.

     I had lost River just a few short months before my pregnancy with Tobin, so I was scared out of my mind. It also didn't help that I had to have an appointment every two weeks or so for the entire duration of my pregnancy. Megan had a scary pregnancy as well. And without going into detail because it isn't my pregnancy to talk about, she almost lost her sweet baby Leo.

   Sometimes, I wish I could see the future. Because seeing the future when we were pregnant with our sweet boys would have made us completely unafraid during our pregnancies. We would have been pregnant 40 weeks, had our babies, and that would be that. No fear. No worries. No wondering. No doubt.

   Also, no growth. We wouldn't have learned the lessons we did if we weren't scared out of our minds. We had to walk through those 40 weeks blind. Not knowing what the outcome would be. Sometimes we learn the most, and grow the most, when we are scared. Afraid. When you walk through the darkest, most uncertain times in your life, that is when you grow the most as a person. That is when you find out what you're really made off. Megan told me that walking through that pregnancy brought her and her husband closer together. Losing River brought Matt and I closer together. Me being pregnant with Tobin brought us closer.

   So, yeah, seeing the future seems like a good idea in the midst of a hard situation. But, if we could have seen that Tobin and Leo would be born, and they would be perfectly healthy, and okay...what would we have learned during the pregnancy. What would we have missed out on? Growing closer to our husbands. Being that much more thankful for our first babies. My Adelyn. Her Robby. And today, when Tobin and Leo were sitting together, face to face, staring at each other, it wouldn't have seemed like such a miracle. The both of them sitting there together. It wouldn't have been such a sweet moment.

   Thankful for Tobin and Leo. Thankful that they are here, and they are perfectly healthy, and we can look back on those difficult pregnancies with pride because, we made it through. And the outcome was so very, very sweet.