Life with Tobin

Life with Tobin

     Life with Tobin is so sweet. He is just the sweetest little boy ever. He loves to nurse. He loves to sleep. He is so beautiful and amazing. I can't stop looking at him. And I just want to hold him all the time. Adelyn loves being a big sister. She doesn't love sharing her Mama and Dada, but she's getting adjusted slowly...each day gets a little better. Tonight, she read a book to "little baby Tobin." That's what she calls him. It's very sweet to see them together. She loves him so much already!

     I am just so proud of my sweet family. And overwhelmed with joy and happiness. My favorite Tobin moments so far are as follows:

1. Feeling my doctor press hard on my belly to get him out. When I complained about the pressure, she replied, "sorry, I know sweetie, I'm trying to get a 10 pound baby outta here!"

2. Hearing him cry for the first time.

3. Hearing my doctor exclaim that Tobin was, "10 pounds, 11 ounces!" (Adelyn weighed 11 lbs, 13 oz and was born at 42 weeks. Tobin weighed 10 lbs, 11 oz and was born at 39 weeks. If we had let Tobin go to 42 weeks, he would have been bigger than Addy! Matt and I make big babies!)

4. Feeling him against my face for the first time.

5. Nursing him for the first time in the recovery room.

6. Bringing him home.

7. Seeing Adelyn kiss him, love him, cuddle him, read to him, sing about him...she's in love with him. As we all are.

8. Watching Matt cuddle him. Which he hardly ever gets to do because I'm selfish, and never want to put him down.

9. Seeing him smile when he finishes nursing. Such a sweet, satisfied, milky smile.

10. Sitting at the table eating dinner as a family. I was talking to Adelyn about our family. I said, "Addy, our family has a Dada, a Mama, Adelyn, Tobin, and Roxy." And just saying those words made me so proud. So. Proud. And I wanted to get down on my knees and thank God for making our family complete. I honestly didn't know if we would make it to this point, and there we were...eating dinner together. It was an amazing feeling. One that words can't even come close to describing.

Tobin is here!

My sweet new love is here. All 10 pounds, 11 ounces of him! I'm way in love!

1 Day Left

1 Day Left

     As I wrote those words, 1 day left, I felt two ways. Excited, and nervous. This time tomorrow night, I will more than likely be cuddling or nursing my sweet new son. Or watching him sleep. Touching his fingers or toes. Studying his face. Smelling him. Feeling his feather like hair.

     This has been such a long journey. The finish line is in sight. We're almost there...

     I cannot wait to have my next blog post be a picture of my new baby.

2 Days Left

2 Days Left

     Had one last date night with my love tonight before our boy comes. It was fun to go out, but dear God...if I'm anywhere else but home, laying down...I am SO uncomfortable! Beyond uncomfortable. And in pain. I told Matt to remind me how uncomfortable I was tonight when we go into the hospital on Monday. Hopefully, it will make it a little less scary for me.

     Adelyn is getting very excited for Tobin's birth! She has been lifting up my shirt and kissing my belly every chance she gets! And she keeps saying, "Tobin is coming in 2 days!" I can't wait for her to meet him!
    

3 Days Left

3 Days Left

     Amazing day! Had my last appointment. As I was driving in...I started getting so emotional thinking about how this has been the longest 39 weeks of my life. It has been scary. It has been 39 weeks of treading water. Trying to keep from drowning in a sea of fear and panic. I really didn't think I would make it to that appointment today. I kept thinking...something...something will happen. And every time I had that thought...I had to fight it. It has been exhausting. The longest journey of my life so far.

     So, here I am, in bed, 3 days before I meet my son, feeling him kick and push my insides...and feeling overwhelmed with joy and peace and hope. I didn't think I'd make it to this point...and here I am. I made it.

     My Mom called me today, and pointed out that Monday, October 15th, is a special day for two reasons. It was last October 15th that we held a memorial service for River. Last year, we were mourning the loss of our sweet daughter. One year later, this coming October 15th, we will be celebrating the birth of our son. How amazing is that?

     So thankful tonight. So, so thankful that I am here. I made it here. Tobin and I, together. And on Monday, we start the next chapter. Aching to hold my son. Aching to kiss his face. I probably won't stop crying for days. What a celebration Monday will be. What an amazing end to this long journey.
    

4 Days Left

4 Days Left

     Did I just write that? 4 days!?! Tonight, while I was saying prayers with Adelyn right before bed, she stopped me when I asked God to bless Tobin. She lifted up my shirt and put her hand on my belly. And she said, "baby in Mama's belly come out soon!" Then she kissed my belly, and smiled the sweetest smile while she cuddled her favorite baby doll...kissing the doll's cheek as she rolled on her side to go to sleep. I felt so much peace at that moment. So thankful for Adelyn who keeps me on my toes for sure, but also teaches me so much about peace. Just by being her.

     I cannot wait for our little family to be four. To be complete.

5 Days Left

5 Days Left

     Packed half of my hospital bag tonight. Stuff for Tobin. A new paci, cute outfits, a new blanket, some hats. Been trying to clean. I just can't resist the insatiable urge I have to clean this house from top to bottom. It's hard to clean when my belly is the size of two basketballs!

     A friend from high school commented on my blog yesterday, saying that her stay in the hospital after her c-section was awesome. I never really thought about my hospital stay that way until I read her comment. I will have from Monday until Thursday to do nothing but lay in bed, and cuddle my new son. And I'm thinking...that's pretty sweet! Thanks, Carrie. Previously, I had been thinking about my hospital stay in a negative way. Mainly because of those nasty trays they wheel over your bed, and those black things they use to keep your food hot. Those two things gross me out. Can't explain it...just OCD thoughts, I guess. But, now...I'm thinking, I literally get to lay in bed and look at my son for four days straight. It's a pretty awesome thought. Can't. Wait.