Birthday parties.

August 31, 2019
Day 1,067

     Thankful for:

a sweet day with family.

lemon cake.

vanilla ice cream.

birthday parties.

subs for dinner.

black olives, pickles, and onions.

America's Got Talent.

nights when Matt is home and I can sleep in bed with him.

Snake Lessons.

August 30, 2019
Day 1,066

     I've been sad lately. I wrote a little children's book that I wanted to get published. I looked into it and it would cost me $8,000 to get it published. We can't do that. We don't have $8,000 extra dollars laying around. I have been working on other writing elsewhere, but I so want to be a published author. I thought that this might be a fun way to get published and get my name out there so I might get picked up and offered a book deal for my book of essays. More than anything, a writer needs time. And I don't have time. Being paid to write would allow me to have time.

     The other day, Matt called me out to see a large snake crawling up a tree in our yard. He was huge and fascinating. I stood there and watched him a long, long time. I took pictures. I was enchanted. Then I had a thought: Eve was enchanted. In a garden named Eden, she stood a long, long time staring at a snake in a tree. The first sin wasn't all about disobedience. It was about mistrust. God told her not to eat the fruit. Eve thought she knew better. So she ate.

     God has given us specific instructions:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5

"Be still, and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on." -Matthew 6:25

"He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord." -Psalm 112:7

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9


     The list goes on. We are commanded to live boldly, to be brave, and to trust. Mistrust makes you sad. It makes you anxious. It makes you believe all the horrible lies of fear. It turns you into the caretaker of your own soul. We are pretty poor excuses of caretakers of anything, really. We try our best, but we fail. It's inevitable. We are human, after all.

     But there is One who will never fail. There is One who has called us into a glorious day of freedom and cool, fresh air. There is One who beckons to us from a place of grace and love and mercy when we are lying practically dead in a pit of our making. There is One who says to us: Trust me.

     I read this sentence somewhere, and it has always stuck with me. And when I'm feeling particularly anxious, I think on these words: I trust the next chapter because I know the Author.

     Thankful for the One. The Author. And reasons to keep on learning how to trust Him.

   

We're off tomorrow.

August 29, 2019
Day 1,065

     Thankful for the first day at school where I felt accomplished and then some. Thankful that this is my Friday. We're off tomorrow, and I can't wait for it. Patty and I have plans to have our coffee out on the deck and hang out. I'm thankful for time at home with my family. I'm thankful that my school work is completely done so I can just hang out with my family and relax. Thankful for phone calls with my mom. Thankful for phone calls with Matt. Thankful for texts from Matt. Thankful for our home. It's my haven. It's my gift from God. Thankful for time to sleep.

Time to be a mother.

August 28, 2019
Day 1,064

     Thankful for a good second day of school. Thankful for new students to love and get to know. Thankful for time to read to them. Thankful that when I get home from school, I can take care of my own children. I can talk to them. Read to them. Cook for them. Help them with homework. Give them baths. Being a mother is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Every day is a new adventure. Every day is a different thing to smile about. Every day there are new hugs to give.

     Thankful for time to be a mother.

Kisses after bath time.

August 27, 2019
Day 1, 063

Thankful for:

Taco Tuesday.

Tacos.

Kisses after bath time.

Lotion.

Legos.

A clean garage.

The way Higbee greets me in the afternoon.

Cool weather.

Snakes in trees.

Cardinals.

A good day at school.

Sweet students.

Spiders.

The fact that Adelyn will pill up a spider with her bare hands.

Grasshoppers.

Music.

Time to sleep.

Pesto and cheese.

August 26, 2019
Day 1,062

     Thankful for a good first day of school. Thankful for pasta for dinner. Thankful for things like pesto and cheese. Thankful for coffee on cool mornings. Thankful for a new dress. Thankful for new shoes. Thankful for very sweet, new students. Thankful for a good start to the year. Thankful for hugs and kisses from my babies. Thankful for phone calls with friends. Thankful for completed lesson plans. Thankful for a short week of school.

   

Sunday dinners.

August 25, 2019
Day 1,061

Thankful for:

Sunday dinners.

millet with butter and garlic and onion.

salad.

hugs and kisses from kids that I love.

the first day of school is tomorrow.

new lunchboxes.

cool weather.

Thankful list > Shit List

August 24, 2019
Day 1,060

     This day was hard. I cried many times. I got angry many times. I wanted to scream many times. I wanted to smoke. I wanted wine. I wanted to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV. I still want to do those things. BUT...

     I have Adelyn. I have Tobin. I have Matt. I have Higbee. I have Patty. I have my family. I have a new day to look forward to tomorrow. The weather was glorious today. The sky was blue today. I could go grocery shopping and buy whatever I wanted. I have a beautiful home. I have new shoes. I have books to read. I have dishes to wash. I have a couch to sit on. I have this place to write.

     The thankful list is always longer than the shit list. And tonight, I am thankful for that fact.

Egg rolls.

August 23, 2019
Day 1,059

     Thankful for the end of a long day. Thankful for a finished classroom. Thankful for pictures on the walls. For supplies in the desks. For new students to teach. Thankful for egg rolls with a friend for dinner. Thankful for friends. Thankful for a book proposal. Even if it's the wrong one, it's a proposal. Thankful for steps in the right direction. Thankful for people who are happy for me. Thankful for things to write about.

New clothes and shoes.

August 22, 2019
Day 1,058

Thankful for:

cooler weather coming soon.

a sandwich for dinner.

the way Higbee jumped up to kiss me when I came home from work.

Adelyn and Tobin waiting up for me.

Addy and Tobin telling me my new clothes are pretty.

Addy and Tobin looking at our wedding pictures for the first time and thinking I looked pretty.

Addy and Tobin.

talking with Matt about work.

laying in bed with Matt and Higbee.

time to relax.

new clothes.

new shoes.

my classroom is set up.

getting to meet my students tomorrow night.

school starts next week.

sitting with my sister and my sister in law in our school meeting today.

Short, sweet.

August 21, 2019
Day 1,057

     Today, I'm thankful for productive days at work, for fresh paper and pencils, for new makers and colored pencils, and for Patty and my mom. I'm thankful for hugs, kisses, and cuddles from my babes. I'm thankful for time to sleep. I'm thankful for short blog posts because I've been so tired at night.

I do not deserve her.

August 20, 2019
Day 1,056

     Thankful for Adelyn. Thankful for the light that shines from her. Thankful for her hugs and kisses. Thankful for the way she takes care of me and our family. She loves us so much. Thankful for the day of her birth nine years ago. Thankful for those first few days with her. They were so hard because my body was so broken, but it was worth it. I would do it all over again if I had to. Thankful for her love; this day and every day. I do not deserve her.

Pens and pencils.

August 19, 2019
Day 1,055

     Thankful for a good first day back to work. Thankful for a semi-organized classroom. Thankful for a new school building. Thankful air conditioning. Thankful for lunch with a friend. Thankful for time to organize and be quiet and still. Thankful for music. Thankful for windows. Thankful for packages of pens and pencils and markers. I love school supplies. Thankful for a good first day back to work. Looking forward to another year of teaching.

Adelyn

August 18, 2019
Day 1,054

Thankful for Adelyn. Thankful for the celebration of her birthday. She's 9 this year. It was a grand day. We had corned beef and cabbage, Irish soda bread, and wacky cake and ice cream for dessert. Love my lighthouse, wild one girl.

I have an angel to call my own.

August 17, 2019
Day 1,053

     Thankful for River. Today was her birthday, and it was a sweet, sweet day. I spent it at home with my family. We relaxed. I cried. I looked through River's case. I blew out her candle and put the candle in her case. I talked with Patty and Chelsea. I remembered my sweet girl's special day here on earth, and wished her the happiest of birthdays in heaven.

     Thankful that I have an angel in the heavens to call my own.

Wildflowers.

August 16, 2019
Day 1,052

Thankful for:

shopping trips with my kids.

wildflowers.

hot coffee.

Adirondack chairs.

new jobs to celebrate.

lunch out with my sister and my sister in law.

time to love on Ryker.

getting treats at the store for Adelyn's birthday.

coming home and relaxing with my babies.

two more days of summer vacation.

Ice cream kisses.

August 15, 2019
Day 1,051

Thankful for:

a good day with my babies.

indoor pools.

time to splash and play.

ice cream cones.

ice cream kisses.

holding hands.

lazy, lazy nights spent at home.

the last few days of summer.

Glorious summer.

August 14, 2019
Day 1,050

     Thankful for my last summer Wednesday with my two little loves. I took my babies to the indoor pool, and then we got an ice cream cone from an ice cream truck. We came home and I let them play some video games and I cleaned up the kitchen. It was a good day. Thankful that this was a glorious summer at home with my loves. Thankful for time to sit in bed and write. Thankful for a new perspective on things. Thankful for gifts from God.

I'll be stronger for it.

August 13, 2019
Day 1,049

Tonight, I am thankful for my mom and dad. I am thankful that they love people so much. I am thankful for family. I am thankful for time at a pool party with people that I love. Thankful for God's blessings. He knows what He's doing. And I know that I can trust Him.

For years, my thoughts and words were: What if?

But, I know that my thoughts and words should be: Even if.

Because even if ______ happens or _________happens, I know that God can work it out for good.

Trusting is hard. Trusting feels like laying on your back in a black ocean without a rescue ship in sight. You have no idea what is under you, around you, or if rescue is coming or not. Trusting means to know all of those truths, and to float there in peace anyways.

I'm going to trust tonight.

Thankful for time to float on my back in the deep, dark ocean. I'll be stronger for it.

It's all so good.

August 12, 2019
Day 1,048

     Thankful for a good day at home with my kids. For phone calls with people I love. For clean wood floors to walk on. For freshly baked blueberry scones from scratch. For cuddles and kisses from my babies. For popcorn and movies. For dinner out to eat with my babes. For late summer nights. For exciting things around the corner. For a hint of crispness in the air at night. It means that fall is coming. For words and this place to write every day. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for blank space to write on. Thankful for this life and my home and all my loves. It's all so good.

Tillamook.

August 11, 2019
Day 1,047

     Thankful for a lovely day at home with my family celebrating Matt's birthday. Thankful for good food. Thankful for delicious desserts. Thankful for Tillamook ice cream. Thankful for time to sit outside in comfy chairs and enjoy being together. Thankful for candles on birthday cake, and presents, and affirmations. Thankful for my entire family. They are all amazing and wonderful. It was a good day, and I'm glad I had it to enjoy.

I lay.

August 10, 2019
Day 1,046

     Today, I am thankful for new and exciting projects on the horizon. I am thankful for Adelyn's pink room. We finished it today by putting her new decorations up on the wall. It is such a sweet room. Just like her. I am thankful that Tobin asks me to lay with him at night. He's so considerate that he tells me I can say goodnight to Adelyn first, and then come lay with him. When I lay with him, he holds my hand, and puts his face very close to mine. It is in those moments that I smell and feel the baby in him. It's the closest I will get to being with him like he was when he was a baby, so I hold him close, and I lay with him too long. I always have lots of things to do at night, but when he asks me to lay, I lay. I am thankful for the chocolate chip cheesecake baking in the oven for Matt's birthday. Thankful that my kids still like to get baths. In fact, they prefer them to showers. Thankful for Higbee. He likes to stay close beside me. I love his face so much. Thankful for my husband. He likes to play with me. I love being in love with the love of my life. Thankful that tomorrow, we get to celebrate Matt's birthday with our family. We're going to have a delicious meal and play games. Thankful for this sweet life. It's so very good.

Pink paint.

August 9, 2019
Day 1,045

Thankful for:

a trip to the paint store to buy paint for Adelyn's room.

pink paint.

a trip to Moving Meadows to buy the world's most delicious cinnamon roll.

a trip to La Bee Da Loca, our local beekeeper's store.

Adelyn found the queen bee in the hive.

painting Adelyn's room with Matt.

pizza for dinner.

time to write.

new book ideas.

sending emails of my first draft out for people to read.

Summer days left to live.

August 8, 2019
Day 1,044

Today, I am thankful for:

a good trip to the dentist's office.

a fun shopping trip for Adelyn's birthday.

my husband who prays for me when I'm scared.

my sister who prays for me when I'm scared.

my beautiful home.

new lunchboxes for the kids.

hot coffee with cream.

summer days left to live.

Matt.

August 7, 2019
Day 1,043

     Today, I am thankful for my husband. He loves me in the way I need to be loved. He believes in me. He helps me. He prays for me when I'm afraid. He thinks I'm beautiful. He is the absolute best I ever could have hoped for.

     Today was his birthday. And it was a lovey day. We had a big breakfast of bacon, sausage, eggs, and bagels. We had snacks in the afternoon. We watched movies. And for dinner, we had steak, mashed potatoes, and biscuits. For cake, we had a lemon bundt cake. It was delicious.

     Thankful for my husband. He is one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me.

Time left during summer vacation.

August 6, 2019
Day 1,042

Thankful for:

a good vet appointment for Greenie.

time with my nieces and nephew and my sister and her husband.

preparations for Matt's birthday.

a nice day spent at home.

time to go to Wegman's at night by myself.

listening to music turned all the way up.

time left during summer vacation.

This space to write things that are important.

August 5, 2019
Day 1,041

Here are the things that made me happy today:

Cuddling with Odette.

Kissing my babies.

Phone calls from my husband while he's at work.

Conversation about his birthday festivities.

The fact that what I've prepared for his birthday sounds really good to my husband.

Yellow leaves starting to drop from the trees.

The increase in spider activity. It means that fall is coming soon.

Completing the chore that I have assigned for today on my chore chart.

A clean house.

A clean kitchen.

Higbee's ears and face. I've never seen a cuter face. I'm so in love with him.

My planner is filling up for the year, but it's not a very busy one.

School is starting soon.

My husband's new position at work.

God gives me hawks right when I need to see them.

Phone calls with my dad, mom, sister, and husband.

Messaging friends on the Marco Polo app.

The quiet coolness and stillness of my home right now.

My home. I never, ever want to live in another house again. This is my forever home.

This space to write things that are important.

Grand day. Tomorrow is a new day.

August 4, 2019
Day 1,040

     Thankful for a wonderful day with my family. We had delicious food and so many laughs. We celebrated my dad's 60th birthday. I love celebrating birthdays. There is good food, and a cake with the smell of candles blown out, ice cream, and affirmations. Affirmations are when we tell the birthday person what we love about them. I love words of affirmations; given and received. Thankful for the best family. Thankful for music and dancing and cake and ice cream. Thankful for the word: dad. My dad is the greatest. I know that term is widely used. But in this case, it the truth.

     Thankful for a grand day. Thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

Stacks of books.

August 3, 2019
Day 1,039

     Thankful for these things today:

Time to clean my house.

Time to relax in a clean house.

Hearing my children laugh and play together.

Cuddling with my babies in the morning.

Cuddling with Higbee.

A beautiful home to take care of.

Two beautiful children to take care of.

Two beautiful children to cook for.

Stacks of books.

My dad's birthday party tomorrow.

Delicious food for my dad's party tomorrow.

A quiet day spent at home.

A delicious dinner of chicken, rice, and vegetables.

Phone calls from my husband.

Two more weeks before school starts.

Butterflies.

August 2, 2019
Day 1,038

     Thankful for my amazing husband. He loves me and helps me on days when I'm not feeling myself. He lets me rest and sleep. He prays for me. He picks up the slack and cleans up for me. He's so good to me. I do not deserve his love. There are no words to say how thankful I am for my husband. God knew I needed him. We live a lovely life because of how hard he works for us. I'm thankful for my great love. He still gives me butterflies.

Dad.

August 1, 2019
Day 1,037

     Today was my dad's 60th birthday! So thankful for my dad. He's an amazing person, an awesome father, and an loving Opa. All the grandchildren adore him. And so do I. Thankful for my dad. I'm thankful for the word: dad.