Matt.

May 31, 2022

Day 2,052

     I had Seventh Heaven on in the background while I answered work emails tonight. Matt was sitting with me and a scene came on where a person had to tell another person that their mom had just passed away. Matt tells me, "I have to do that all the time." 

     I was really taken aback. I had no idea that my husband had to deliver such heavy news to anxiously waiting families as a part of his job. 

     The more I find out about Matt's job, the more I am convinced that he's one of the strongest people I know. He wakes up at 4 am to go to work for 24 hours at a time. He sees hard things. He has to work in floods, in storms, in snow, during covid. 

     I'm amazed at his strength, his courage, and his heart. I'm thankful that he chooses to love me. I'm thankful that he's brave. I'm thankful that he calls me his and I call him mine. God knew I needed him. 

Nothing really at all.

May 30, 2022

Day 2,051

Thankful for: 

Thankful for: 

Clean, fluffy Higbee. Matt and I gave him a bath today. 

A day of doing nothing really at all. 

Hugs and kisses from Adelyn and Tobin. 

Pretty windows with pretty flowers. 

A short week at school this week. 

Sunday

May 29, 2022

Day 2,050

Thankful for: 

babies

family

quiet moments

time with my favorite people

time alone

a clean home

Matt, Adelyn, and Tobin having a fun time together

Saturday.

May 28, 2022

Day 2,049

Thankful for: 

A clean home. 

Homemade bread and pizza dough. 

Friends. 

Icy drinks on a mild night around the fire pit. 

Running around the yard at night playing Harry Potter with the kids. 

"Cookies on the way." Odette cries whenever she has to leave our home. The only thing that consoles her is this phrase: "How about cookies on the way?" Translation: I give Odette a sandwich bag with some cookies in it to eat on her way home. I think it's one of my favorite sayings ever. 

Two more days off ahead of me. 

My family. 

Higbee. 

Our home. I'm always proud for people to come here. Our home is more than I ever thought we could have. 

Friday.

May 27, 2022

Day 2,048

Thankful for: 

Friday. 

Friday. 

Friday. 

I had to say it three times because I don't think I've ever been so thankful for a Friday in my life. 

A three day weekend. 

Watching Twilight with Adelyn for the first time. 

Easy dinners. 

A fun weekend ahead. 

Time to sleep. 

Thankful Thursday.

May 26, 2022

Day 2,047

Thankful for: 

A cool day. 

Tomorrow is Friday. 

Everyone is basically on vacation mode already. 

A good day at school. 

Coming home to the best house ever. 

Walking Higbee with the whole family. 

A yummy dinner. 

Tomorrow is Friday. I know I already wrote this, but I'm just really happy about it. 

Summer time is coming. 

A good night with Matt. 

Time to sleep all night. 

Four happy things today.

May 25, 2022

Day 2,046

Thankful for: 

It's almost the end of May. That means June is almost here. And that means it's almost summer break. I'm excited for the time that I get to be home during the summer. 

This upcoming weekend is a three day weekend. I can't wait for extra time at home. 

An easy dinner because Matt's working today. 

All of us went to bed early. 

Little Tuesday List

May 24, 2022

Day 2,045

Thankful for: 

A fun night out with my family. 

Lots of laughing. 

I fell down at the rink, but I didn't get hurt. 

Going grocery shopping at Wegman's late at night with my whole family. 

A good day. 

Little Monday list.

May 23, 2022

Day 2,044

Thankful for: 

The end of this long Monday. 

Coming home right after school and relaxing all night with my family. 

Tacos for dinner. 

Higbee was tired and cuddly today. 

Talking with my grandma. 

Lunches prepped and ready for tomorrow. 

A fun day planned for tomorrow. 

Time in bed with the love of my life. 

Time to sleep. 

My babies. I love hugging and kissing them before bed when their hair is all fuzzy from the shower. 

A good Sunday.

May 22, 2022

Day 2,043

Thankful for: 

A good day with family. 

Time to visit with loved ones. 

A clean house. 

Grass cut in the yard. 

A special ring and a string of pearls from Matt's grandma. 

A special ring and earrings for Adelyn from Matt's grandma. 

A new, fresh week starting tomorrow. There are only three weeks left. I can't wait to be home with all my loves. 

Time to sleep. 

Itty bitty Saturday list.

May 21, 2022

Day 2,042

Thankful for: 

A relaxing day at home. 

Time with Matt. 

Time with my babies. 

Bread rising. 

Cookie bars baked. 

A family dinner planned for tomorrow. 

Friday's list.

May 20, 2022

Day 2,041

Thankful for: 

A good day at school. It was long and hot, but it was fun. 

Summer break is coming! 

Coming home and getting showers before a fun night out with my family. 

Bingo. 

Winning a game of Bingo. 

Adelyn won a new American Girl Doll. 

Going grocery shopping late at night and having fun while doing it with the kids. We were singing and dancing in the aisle. We had a good time together. 

Coming home to the best house in the world. 

Thankful Thursday List.

May 19, 2022

Day 2,040

Thankful for: 

A mild weather day. 

Walking early this morning with Adelyn and Higbee. 

Coming home to the best family and home ever. 

The feeling of driving home after a long, long day. 

Sweet students. I only have three weeks left with them after this Friday. 

Twilight movies. I don't know why but they're comfortable. 

Coming home and not having to cook dinner. 

Tomorrow is Friday. 

Matt is home today, and I'm happy I get to sleep next to him tonight. 

A sandwich for dinner. I love sandwiches. Even if this one was missing mayo, lettuce, tomato, oil and vinegar, and good bread. 

Adelyn is reading so much lately, and I love it. She just finished The Metamorphosis. I love that she understood the meaning of it. She's so sad for Gregor, and it makes me happy that she understands what it was all about it. 

Tobin has been playing in his room since I got home. I love when he does massive set-ups with all his animals, men, cars, planes, figures, stuffed animals...I love watching him play. 

It's almost time for bed. I've been craving time to sleep every day. 

A phone call with my mom. 

A little list for a Wednesday.

May 18, 2022

Day 2,039

Thankful for: 

Easy dinner nights. 

A clean kitchen. 

Lunches prepped and ready for tomorrow. 

A cool day. 

Time to lay in bed and sleep all night. 

Cuddling on the couch with Adelyn and Tobin. 

"Sanderson Surprise" for dinner. 

Tea in my favorite mug. 

Walking Higbee with Tobin. 

Caterpillars. 

The sky. 

Trees. 

Our home in the middle of the woods. 

Texts from Matt. 

Phone calls from Matt. 

Laying in bed with Tobin and watching Swiss Family Robinson. 

Quiet closet moments.

May 17, 2022

Day 2,038

     I made up my mind that when I came home today, I was going to go to my room and cry. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with everything. Everything feels loud and busy and chaotic. As I was standing in the closet in our room, Matt came and knocked on the door. He listened to me. He hugged me and kissed me. Then he just sat and talked with me. And somehow after we were done talking, the cry wasn't necessary anymore. I'm thankful for Matt. Not only does he wipe away my tears when I do cry, he makes them unnecessary when I want to cry. 

     Thankful for quiet closet moments with Matt. The life we have built together is beautiful, and I need a bigger word than thankful to say how thankful I am for it.  

It's true.

May 16, 2022

Day 2,037

     Thankful for: 

Time to lay in bed and cuddle with Tobin and read to him about sharks. 

Driving home to the best home in the world. 

Cuddling Higbee after he had a hard day with storms. 

Walking and running with Adelyn and Higbee in the morning. 

A fun day at school planned tomorrow. 

Time to lay in bed. Time to sleep. 

My family. Matt got me this little sign that says, "Best Family Ever" for Mother's Day. And whenever I see that little sign, I think how lucky and blessed I am because it's true. 

Time to myself. Hugs and kisses.

May 15, 2022

Day 2,036

Thankful for: 

A long morning walk with Higbee. 

The woods in the morning. 

The green of the forest. 

The sound of many birds chirping. 

Time to myself. 

Time to clean. 

Lots of hugs and cuddles when my loves came home. Matt took Adelyn, Tobin, and Casey to the movie today. 

Fresh juice. 

Strawberries. 

Homemade soup. 

Lunches prepped and ready for tomorrow. 

United Pursuit. I love their music. It's calming. 

Rain and thunder. I love rumbling thunderstorms that you can hear off in the distance. 

Our beautiful home. 

Time to rearrange and decorate. 

A fresh, new Monday tomorrow morning. 

Hugs and kisses from Matt. He's the greatest, most amazing human I know. And he's mine. 

Time to sleep. 

Fun day with Matt.

May 14, 2022

Day 2,035

Thankful for: 

A beautiful day. 

A relaxing morning. 

Getting to lay in bed and watch a movie with Matt. 

Getting to go to a wedding with Matt. 

Getting to see a bunch of cute cows. 

Wedding cake. 

Whoppers and fries for dinner. 

Ice cream in bed. 

Not having to set my alarm for tomorrow morning. 

Friday Nights.

May 13, 2022

Day 2,034

     Thankful for Friday nights. They just feel good. They feel good driving home in the car. They feel good eating dinner. They feel good laying around watching tv. They feel good when you're going to bed. 

     Thankful for time with my babies. Adelyn and I had girl time. Matt and Tobin watched a hockey game. Then Adelyn and Tobin cuddled in bed with me before Adelyn stormed off to bed. Oh, the pre-teen years have hit Miss Addy B hard. She's strong willed and sassy. And I love her. Tobin is super easy going. And I love him. 

     Thankful for new jewelry and a new dress to wear to a wedding tomorrow. I'm excited to spend the whole day with Matt. 

     Thankful for time to lay in bed and be still and quiet. 

     Thankful for my husband who loves me enough to let me go shopping for a new dress and jewelry and stuff. It will feel nice to be all dolled up. 

     Thankful for my sister who is watching my kids. I'm thankful Patty is like another mother to them. 

     Thankful for things to be thankful for. 

Little Thankful List.

May 12, 2022

Day 2,033

Thankful for: 

Hugs from my babies. 

Walking with Adelyn and Higbee in the morning. 

Matt sat and talked with me for a while while I made all the lunches. 

I got new jewelry and a dress for a wedding we're going to this weekend. 

Running into Heidi at Target. 

Being able to vent to my mom and Patty and not have them judge me. 

Being able to go out with Matt this weekend for the wedding. It's like a fun, long date! They'll be yummy food, cake, dancing. I'm excited! 

New shampoo and conditioner. 

Coming home to the best family and dog and house. 

Tomorrow is Friday. At 4 p.m. exactly, the weekend starts. 

Misty rain. 

A cloudy day. 

Twilight. I've been on a bit of a Twilight kick lately. 

Carrying Tobin to bed.

May 11, 2022

Day 2,032

     Springtime is a rough time for Tobin. His eyes are constantly red, watering, itchy, swollen. His nose runs. He coughs. Sometimes he wheezes and needs albuterol. It's just rough all around. During the springtime when he's blah from all the pollen, Tobin gets a bit needy. He needs more hugs. He requests warm wash cloths for his eyes often. He wants treats. Popsicles. Cookies. Candy. He looks so miserable all the time that I'm inclined to give him whatever he asks for. It's a dangerous game, but sometimes I'm just so happy he's hungry that I'll give him whatever he's hungry for. And so...the little cycle goes. Tobin suffers from allergies. Mama gets worried. Tobin wants things. Mama gives them to him. 

     One of the things that Tobin has starting requesting is that I carry him up to bed every night. The first night he asked me to carry him up, I just had to. He literally couldn't see because of his eyes. I carried him that night out of necessity. But now, he wants me to carry him up to bed every single night. He's tall. He's heavy. He's in third grade, but I carry him. I pick him up, I hold him close, and I carry him to bed. We have to stop off by the bathroom for the brushing of teeth, but then I pick him back up and carry him to bed. It's my new favorite thing ever. Carrying Tobin to bed. 

     Thankful for Tobin being needy. Thankful that I get to be the one he needs. 

It makes me smile.

May 10, 2022

Day 2,031

     Making healthy food for my family to eat takes a long to prepare and clean up. The reality is this: I come home from school, cook, clean it up, clean up the day's lunch containers and water bottles, and then make lunches for the next day. It takes a long time. I do it because I love them, and I want them to eat good, healthy food. Some days, I wish I could take the easy way out and just give them pre-packaged stuff. On those days when it's hard to prepare food, I look at the water bottle stickers. Tobin has one of a bumblebee that says, "Don't worry, bee happy." Addy has a polaroid camera, and a few cute dog stickers. 

      I have no idea why looking at Addy and Tobin's water bottle stickers makes me want to do a better job for them, but it does. I think it might be because I am reminded that they are still children, and childhood is fleeting. I see those stickers, and I think to myself that I must do better for them. I must keep going for them. I must give it my all for them. They're worth it. 

     I'm thankful for water bottle stickers. I'm thankful for Adelyn and Tobin. I'm thankful for that bumblebee sticker because every single time I see it, I think of Tobin peeling off the backing and sticking it to his water bottle. It makes me smile. 

The good ol' days.

May 9, 2022

Day 2,030

         "When the fiddle had stopped singing Laura called out softly, "What are the days of auld lang syne, Pa?" "They are the days of a long time ago, Laura," Pa said. "Go to sleep, now." But Laura lay awake a little while, listening to Pa's fiddle softly playing and to the lonely sound of the wind in the Big Woods. She looked at Pa sitting on the bench by the hearth, the firelight gleaming on his brown hair and beard and glistening on the honey-brown fiddle. She looked at Ma, gently rocking and knitting. She thought to herself, "This is now." She was glad that the cosy house, and Pa and Ma and the firelight and the music, were now. They could not be forgotten, she thought, because now is now. It can never be a long time ago." 

     

     Old photos of my babies keep popping up in my Google photos app. Every day, I awaken to find yet another picture of Adelyn or Tobin from many, many years ago on my phone. Those pictures make me happy. I love looking back at pictures of when my babies were actually babies. Those pictures also make my heart ache. I've never known an aching like this. It's a happy/yearn/ache; I'm happy to see their pictures, but I yearn to go back to the beginning and begin again with them knowing what I know now. I yearn to hold them once more as I did then, but only with the knowledge that I have now...it will go painfully quick. Childhood, I've come to realize, is the shortest time in a person's life. I'm constantly torn between the two emotions of: 

1. I'm happy my children are healthy and growing. 

2. I'm sad it's going so painfully, awfully quick. 

     I long to go back to the good ol' days. The days when my babies were little and I was at home with them and we did whatever we pleased all day long. We played. We read. We walked. We went to the playground. We cuddled. We were quiet. We were loud. We ate every meal together. 

     I remember Andy's quote from The Office. "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good ol' days before you've actually left them." 

     So here's this: 

If I'm in the good ol' days now, then the good ol' days of long ago can't really be long ago, because now is now. It can never be a long time ago. 

By this logic, I'm always living in the good ol' days. And my achy heart doesn't ache so much when I think of it that way. 

     Thankful for the good ol' days. 

Short list for this Sunday.

May 8, 2022

Day 2,029

Thankful for: 

A lovely morning with my family. 

New decorations for the house. 

Time with Matt's mama. 

Time with my mama. 

Good food. 

Cake and yummy things to eat. 

Fruit salads for lunch tomorrow. 

Nice, fresh fruits to eat and juice. 

Hot tea in bed. 

Time to sleep all night. 

Rain all day.

May 7, 2022

Day 2,028

Thankful for: 

Rain all day. 

Rainy walks through the woods. 

Time to lay on the couch all day and watch television. 

Time to be lazy. 

Time to be home with all the great loves of my life. 

Homemade bread. 

Matt fixed our hot water heater so we have hot water today. I'm so proud of him. 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

A really nice, quiet day. 

Rainy, Friday night.

May 6, 2022

Day 2,027

Thankful for: 

A day called Friday. 

Panera for dinner. 

A rainy night. 

A rainy day forecasted for tomorrow. 

The best home. 

The best dog. 

The best family. 

Weekend Dreaming

May 5, 2022

Day 2,026

Thankful for:

A fun and productive day at school. 

Sweet students. 

Coming home and having time to myself. 

Homemade pizza. 

Thinking and dreaming about the weekend. 

A fun week at school this week. 

Waking up early with Adelyn and walking with her and Higbee. 

Tea in my new favorite mug. 

Lunches and everything prepped for tomorrow. 

Tomorrow is Friday. I can't wait for Friday night and the weekend. 

I'm excited for Mother's Day. 

Time to sleep all night. 

Little Wednesday List

May 4, 2022

Day 2,025

Thankful for: 

Grocery shopping after school. 

A haircut for Tobin. 

Fresh fruits and vegetables. 

Waking up with Addy and walking with her and Higbee. 

My family and our home. 

Time to sleep. 

Thankful list for Tuesday.

May 3, 2022

Day 2,024

Thankful for: 

The end of a rough day. 

New beginnings tomorrow morning. 

My home. 

Walking Higbee with Matt. 

Tobin has been cuddly lately. 

Talking with my babies before bed. 

Lunches prepped for tomorrow. 

Fresh juice for tomorrow morning. 

Tomorrow is Wednesday. 

Kisses from my husband. 

Matt wasn't mad at me today when I got pulled over and got a speeding ticket. 

Time to sleep all night. 

Plans to get up and walk/exercise with Adelyn. 

Strawberries for lunch tomorrow. 

A fun day for my students tomorrow. 

Tea and blister peanuts. 

Higbee. 

Addy caught a bunch of caterpillars and then released them all. 

Good eyedrops for Tobin's eyes. 

A good night in bed with Matt. 

Tobin wanted me to hold him tonight. 

Luray Caverns.

May 2, 2022

Day 2,023

Thankful for: 

A good Monday. 

Luray Caverns. 

A new pretty rock to put in my house. 

My students had a great time at the caverns. 

A good vet appointment for Higbee. 

Coming home to the best house in the world. 

An easy day at work. 

Friends. They keep me company when I'm alone. 

Things to be thankful for. 

Patty's Birthday Party!

May 1, 2022

Day 2,022