Happy Halloween!

October 31, 2016
Day 51

     Thankful for days to dress up and go around the neighborhood asking neighbors for candy. Thankful for Reese's peanut butter cups. Thankful for a clean kitchen. Thankful for lunches made and waiting for tomorrow. Thankful for the smoky smell in the air from all the fire pits going in the neighborhood tonight. Thankful for a great neighborhood for our kids to grow up in. Thankful for all the beautiful red trees we have in our neighborhood. Thankful for a spectacular sunrise this morning. Thankful for a very good night at home with all the great loves of my life. Thankful for a very happy Halloween.

A fine Sunday.

October 30, 2016
Day 50

     Thankful for a very fine Sunday. Thankful for shopping trips to Trader Joe's with my kids. Thankful for a lovely dinner of roasted chicken and sweet potatoes and carrots. Thankful for a full and organized fridge full of good food to eat. Thankful for a solid, warm home to call ours. Thankful that we have absolutely everything we need. And more. And more than more. Thankful for a sleepy Higbee.He looks like Yoda when he's sleepy and it's very cute. Thankful for time spent laughing and having fun with my kids. I love it when my kids laugh really hard. Thankful for family walks. Thankful for trees with red leaves. Thankful for a lovely weekend with my family.

"To speak truly..."

October 29, 2016
Day 49

"To speak truly, few adult persons can see nature. Most persons do not see the sun. At least they have a very superficial seeing. The sun illuminates only the eye of the man, but shines into the eye and the heart of the child. The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood. His intercourse with heaven and earth becomes part of his daily food. In the presence of nature, a wild delight runs through the man, in spite of real sorrows." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

      Thankful for trees. Thankful for acorns. Thankful for time spent outside with the people I love. Thankful for the feeling of the warm sun with a cool breeze. Thankful for cookies. Thankful for a delicious dinner prepared by my parents. Thankful for the way the leaves glow when the sun hits them just right. Thankful for the sound the leaves make when the wind blows through them. Thankful for nature. Thankful for walks. Thankful for time spent with my favorite people.

This moment.

October 28, 2016
Day 48

     I feel like I just ran a marathon. The past week and a half has been crazy, stressful, busy, and long. But, because the past week and a half has been crazy, stressful, busy, and long, this moment is incredibly sweet and relaxing and peaceful. I have never been more thankful for my bed. Thankful that Matt and I are alike in that we both need to watch television to fall asleep. I love falling asleep to funny shows at night. I laugh my way to dreamland. Thankful for a fun night talking about Christmas and Santa with the kids. Matt gave them a toy catalog to look at the other day, and they promptly found markers and circled things that they want for Christmas. We had great fun looking over their selections. Thankful that I have two whole days to spend with my loves ahead of me. Thankful for the miraculous sunrise this morning. It made me exclaim out loud, "Wow." Thankful for the still and quiet. Thankful for a peaceful home. Thankful for the end of this Friday.

A day well done.

October 27, 2016
Day 47

     I am thankful that my kids are finally well. I am so thankful that tonight they were running, jumping, playing, laughing, and not wanting to go to bed. I'm thankful that Tobin is, "training to be a ninja." I'm told that ninja training involves a lot of running, jumping, kicking, and jumping on my bed. I am so thankful for the furry creature that lives in my home and follows me around from room to room and cuddles with me at night. Sometimes it seems so peculiar that human beings would purchase animals and bring them home to live in their homes and sleep in their beds. But when you fall in love with an animal, you realize, it isn't peculiar at all. It makes one's life full and wonderful to love an animal and to be loved back by that animal. I'm thankful for my love, Matt. I'm thankful that with just one look, he knows if I need him to tell me, "everything is going to be alright." I'm thankful for books. I'm thankful for time to read books in bed under freshly washed bed sheets with two freshly bathed children cuddled next to me. I'm thankful for the smells of our home. I'm thankful for the sounds of our home. The way the freezer sounds while it makes ice. The way the dishwasher sounds as it washes our dishes. The sound of the shower running. Or water sloshing around in the tub. I'm thankful to be able to share this home with the people I love. I'm thankful for a day well done.

Thanksgiving Lens

October 26, 2016
Day 46

     Thankful for my bed, for my pillows, for my dog, for The Office, for big mugs of tea and honey, for my babies, for my husband, for people at work who love me and pray for me and my family, for Patty, for Sue, for the promise of another fresh new day coming tomorrow, for medicine, for dinners of tea and toast, for time to sleep.

     It has been a stressful past week or so, but less so when I'm writing about all the good things in my life. When you look at your life through the thanksgiving lens, there is just so very much to be happy and joyful about. And when there is so very much to be happy and joyful about, there just isn't much time to be worried or fearful or anxious or full of doubt.

     Being thankful > The alternative

Writing the right words.

October 24, 2016
Day 45

   I've been writing and erasing and writing and erasing for about an hour now. Sometimes the right words for what you want to say are hard to find. Because the right words have escaped me tonight, I will write these right words instead:

-I'm thankful for my husband. I'm thankful for his hugs, his kisses, and his love. I'm thankful that he holds my hand, and helps me, and holds me when he sees me getting nervous and upset.

-I'm thankful for time with my children. I'm thankful for time to hold them, to read to them, to bathe them, to lay with them, and to care for them when they are sick.

-I'm thankful for Higbee. I'm thankful that I have a furry baby to love and care for. I love cuddling with a dog.

-I'm thankful that whenever Tobin talks about River, he refers to her as, Mango. It makes me smile, and it makes me wonder if he knows something about her that I don't know.

-I'm thankful for my family.

-I'm thankful for walks in the glorious fall weather.

-I'm thankful for my job and my students.

-I'm thankful for time to lay in bed, in my house. Thankful for space to call my own. Thankful for a space to call home.

-Thankful for roasted chicken and carrots with rice. A blustery fall day with a sick Tobin deserves a hearty meal.

-I'm thankful for the way the sunlight looks through the leaves.

-I'm thankful that after every long, dark night comes the glorious light of morning.

Autumn Sunset.

October 24th, 2016
Day 44

     Thankful for time to sit and be quiet with my kids this evening. Thankful for lots of time to lay in bed and read. Thankful that Tobin was hungry tonight and asked for "meal." Translation: oatmeal. Thankful that I was able to come home after a tough day and relax and be still and quiet in my home with my children. Thankful for my husband. Thankful for sleeping babies, for a sleeping pup, and for a sleeping husband. Thankful for the way that Tobin's hand still feels so tiny in my hand. Thankful that my husband runs errands for me, and he doesn't complain about it. Thankful for the feeling of clean skin in bed. Thankful that I get to go to sleep in about 3 minutes and sleep all the way until morning. Thankful for red leaves, for puffy clouds, and for the electric light of an autumn sunset.

This day was lovely.

October 23, 2016
Day 43

     Thankful for a lovely day at home with my loves. Thankful for time to sit and read quietly. Thankful for blankets and cuddling. Thankful for family walks and trips to the playground. Thankful for trips to McKay's. Thankful for new books on our bookshelf. Thankful for pumpkin treats from Trader Joe's. Thankful for time to cuddle in bed with Adelyn and read, Little House in the Big Woods. Thankful for a long walk with my dad and Higbee and Greenie before dinner. Thankful for my parents. Thankful for treats in the form of yogurt cups from Trader Joe's. Thankful for blue sky, for puffy white clouds, for leaves, and for the wind today. Thankful that it's time to sleep now.

Get my sleep on.

October 22, 2016
Day 42

     Thankful to be able to lay in bed. Thankful for sweet moments just before bed with Adelyn and Tobin. They both love for me to sing to them at night. Tobin's favorite is, "Silent Night," and Adelyn's favorite is, "O Holy Night." They close their eyes, they hold my hands or my face close to theirs, and they smile while I sing them their favorite song. Thankful that tomorrow I get to relax and enjoy the day with my loves. Thankful for the wind and the sky and the clouds. Thankful for the changing leaves and the branches of the trees beginning to bear themselves. Thankful for a whole night reserved for sleeping. I'm ready to get my sleep on.

Friday.

October 21, 2016
Day 41

     Thankful that Tobin is feeling a bit better. He's been sick since Tuesdayish/Wednesdayish. Thankful that his lungs are clear. Thankful for Fridays.  Thankful for a productive evening at home. Thankful for my family, my husband, my mom, my Patty. Thankful for the glorious weather. I loved the rain, and the wind, and the leaves. Thankful for a day at home with my boy. Thankful for time to sleep. Thankful for the coziest bed with Matt and Higbee.

Marco Polo

October 20, 2016
Day 40

     Thankful that tomorrow will be rainy and cool again...so says the weather man. I am hoping with all my might that he is right. Thankful for a table full of cookie bar making supplies. And caramel making supplies. And fresh whipped cream making supplies. Thankful that tomorrow is Friday. Thankful for W.B. (Or, Marco Polo. I don't know...what do you think, Patty?) Thankful for chats with Phia. Thankful for family. Thankful for my sweet husband who did the dishes tonight and took care of the kids while Patty and I shopped for supplies. Thankful that in one minute, I get to go to bed, watch The Office, and then sleep all night until morning.

Soup and toast.

October 19, 2016
Day 39

     Tobin is sick, so tonight I'm thankful for medicine that helps him feel better. Thankful for people at work who say, "Go, we'll work it out," when I need to leave. Thankful for my sister who came in and watched my class during the last part of school. Thankful that my husband is lying in bed next to me. It's a good feeling to have the person you love by your side while you sleep through the night. Thankful for the glorious sunrise this morning. Thankful for soup and toast for dinner. Even though it was horribly hot outside today, at least I could pretend that it was fall inside with a delicious soup. Thankful for a good Wednesday.

Ganache. Bookstore.

October 18, 2016
Day 38

     Thankful for a long hug after work from my husband. Sometimes, you just need to stand in the kitchen and hug. Thankful for organized toy bins in the basement. I love when things are neat, tidy, organized, and put away. It pleases me. Thankful for a dinner date with my sister. Thankful for notebooks full of cookie bar plans. Patty and I are making 350 cookie bars for the Fall Festival at our school this Saturday. Any type of plan that involves cookies bars, ganache, caramel, and whip cream is a good plan.

     Thankful for a trip to McKay's with Patty after our dinner/planning date. I love book stores. If you're feeling sad, go to a bookstore. If you're feeling lonely, go to a bookstore. There is no way to walk into a bookstore and feel sad or lonely when you're surrounded by the voices of so many great people who wrote down words for us to read. Also, if you're feeling happy, go to a bookstore. If it's a random Tuesday night in October, go to the bookstore. Just, go. Get yourself to a bookstore and read something you've never read before. Go places you've never gone before. Think things you never thought before. Pick up a book, sit down right there in the aisle, and read.

     Thankful for words. Thankful for bookstores. Thankful for my sister. Thankful for a good day.

Monday Ten.

October 17, 2016
Day 37

     Thankful for...

-big jugs of apple cider.

-The Office. The gang keeps me company when I'm feeling lonely.

-red leaves.

-leftover birthday cake.

-pictures of my boy having the best birthday at school. His teacher sent me pictures of his birthday celebration today and it made me so happy to see him having a good day.

-a student asked me if I wanted to come to his birthday party, and it made my day.

-hugs and kisses from Adelyn and Casey at school.

-my sister. I can call her and tell her anything and she loves me still.

-tae kwon do. Casey, Adelyn, and Tobin had their first class tonight. It was great fun to watch.

-the end of this day.

Sweet spots.

October 16, 2016
Day 36

     Thankful for:

-love notes from Adelyn. Her words were just the thing I needed to hear today. She became my lighthouse when River died, and she has never stopped being my lighthouse. On dark days, she is pure sunshine and joy.

-Tobin. He tells me about 20 times a day that I'm beautiful and that he loves me. And whenever I need a hug, he knows. Tobin is the best hugger. Everyone needs a hugger like my Tobin boy. 

-Higbee. He is always there for me. He is there with kisses and snuggles and nuzzles. 

-Patty. Just talking with her on the phone makes everything feel okay again.

-my dad. I got to hang out with him for a little bit today, and it was so good to just be where he was. 

     Thankful that on hard days, there are sweet spots. Thankful that on hard days, there is the promise of a fresh new morning waiting just around the bend. 

Happy Birthday, Tobin!

October 15, 2016
Day 35

     Thankful for Tobin Solomon Sanderson. Thankful for his sweet, green eyes. Thankful for his wispy, fine, blond hair. Thankful that he is sweet and wonderful and amazing. Thankful for a day to celebrate him and his life. Thankful for people who love Tobin and our family so much that they would come and celebrate with us. Thankful for all things Star Wars. Thankful for cake and ice cream. Thankful for my son. He is everything that is good and lovely and wonderful and amazing and miraculous. Tobin makes me thankful everyday just by being himself.

List on a Friday.

October 14, 2016
Day 34

     Thankful for:

-a great Friday.

-a date with my husband; dinner and decoration shopping for our boy's birthday tomorrow.

-steak.

-garlic.

-my sister. What would we do without her? I love that I can ask her to watch the kids on a Friday evening after she's worked all day, and she says, "No problem."

-W.B. (details later...)

-an entire two days ahead of us to relax and celebrate Tobin's 4th birthday.

-people that I can call, "friends from work," instead of "work friends."

-cuddles with Higbee. He likes to take my spot in bed, and when I push him over, he just ends up spooning with me, and I love it. Cuddling with a dog is the coziest thing ever.

-the fact that I can go to bed without having to set my alarms for the morning.

-for things to be thankful for.

Mountain and Forest.

October 13, 2016
Day 33

     Thankful for a lovely morning and afternoon spent on a mountain. Field trip days are the best. Thankful for all the glowing green of the sunlight on the leaves. Thankful for rocks, and bark, and tall trees, and roots, and spiders, and dirt. It felt good to get dirty and muddy today. Thankful for time spent in the great outdoors. Thankful for the forest and the mountain. Thankful that whenever I'm feeling weak, I can go be with the trees. The trees remind me that when storms come, you cannot run away. You must stand tall and strong and face them. A person can learn a lot from the trees. Thankful that there are such places as mountains and forests. They are gifts to be treasured.