12 months to do 10 things.

December 31, 2019
Day 1,190

     As I sit here and write and erase and write and erase at the end of one year and the beginning of another, I am reminded of the things I didn't do this year. Things like lose the baby weight once and for all. Things like publish a book. Become an author. A real, live author. Paint the house. Become a runner again. All the usual things I long to have made a reality and don't year after year.

     But here's something else; I'm reminded of the things that I didn't do that really matter. Things like read extra books before bedtime with my babies. Spend more time with the people I love. Call people. Write to people. Dance in the kitchen with my husband while we wait for dinner. Spend more time in the woods. Pray for people. I'm reminded of all the times I should have put down my phone and been present and didn't. I'm reminded of every missed opportunitiy I've had to play with my children. To be young and wild with them while I still can be. I'm reminded that when I come to the end of my life, I will not speak to my family about how clean I kept the house, or what my body looked like when I was 37, or about my job. I will speak to them about love. I will tell them how much I love them. I will tell them to love each other. I will hold their hands and look at their faces and just swim in all the love that surrounds me when all the great loves of my life are close by.

     I've said it before. I'll say it again. If, at the end, love is A L L that matters, why do I waste my time with anything less than.

     Here is what I want to do this year:

1. I want to be present. In every moment.
2. I want to write more. 
3. I want to play and be wild.
4. I want to dance more.
5. I want to sing more.
6. I want to pray more.
7. I want to listen more.
8. I want to go visiting. I want to surprise people I love by knocking on their doors to say hello.
9. I want to send more letters in the mail. Everyone loves a letter in a mailbox.
10. I want to L O V E more.

     I have 12 months to do 10 things. I can feel it. It's going to be a good year.

Shane & Cheyenne got married today!

December 30, 2019
Day 1,189

     My brother and his love got married today! I was so honored and happy to be able to witness them profess their love for each other. True love is a beautiful thing to behold. It doesn't judge. It doesn't stay mad. It believes the best. It is always growing. It was in every smile exchanged between Shane and Cheyenne today. It was in their eyes. It was in their hands. It was a quick and quiet and small ceremony. But it was sweet. So very sweet. It's always sweet when you witness true love in action.

     Today, I'm thankful for a girl named Cheyenne who came into Shane's life and healed wounds and made him a better version of himself. I'm thankful for a boy named Ryker who came into Shane's life and made it richer and sweeter. I'm thankful for a little boy named Oliver who is growing every day in Cheyenne's belly. I'm thankful to call Cheyenne my sister. I'm thankful to call Ryker my nephew. I'm thankful for family. I'm thankful for happy days. I'm thankful for love. I'm thankful for December 30th.

I'm thankful that I got to...

December 29, 2019
Day 1,188

I'm thankful that I got to wake up this morning.
I'm thankful that I got to be home today.
I'm thankful that I got to be comfortable today.
I'm thankful that I got to clean my house today.
I'm thankful that I got to hug and kiss Adelyn and Tobin today.
I'm thankful that I got to take care of Higbee today.
I'm thankful that I got to listen to music today.
I'm thankful that I got to eat good food today.
I'm thankful that I got to talk to my sister today.
I'm thankful that I got to talk to my mom today.
I'm thankful that I got to talk to my husband today.
I'm thankful that I got to relax today.
I'm thankful that I got to write today.
I'm thankful that I got to get a hot shower today.
I'm thankful that I got to take vitamins today.
I'm thankful that I got to pray today.
I'm thankful that I got to kiss my babies goodnight tonight.
I'm thankful that I got to read today.
I'm thankful that I got to read my Bible today.
I'm thankful that I got to wear glasses to help me see today.
I'm thankful that I got to drink hot tea.
I'm thankful that I got to drink hot coffee.
I'm thankful that I got to eat chips and salsa.
I'm thankful that I got to be still and quiet today.
I'm thankful that I got to put lotion on my dry hands.
I'm thankful that I got to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my family today.
I'm thankful that I got to use my computer to write about the good things.
I'm thankful that I got to have a cookie today.
I'm thankful that I got to sing today.
I'm thankful that I got to cry today.
I'm thankful that I got to walk today.
I'm thankful that I got to be alive today.

It was a good day. I don't deserve such goodness.
Thankful.

I don't deserve such beauty.

December 28, 2019
Day 1,187

Thankful for time at home with the great loves of my life. Thankful for time outside. Thankful for a new swing in the backyard. Thankful beautiful children to call mine. Thankful for a beautiful husband to call mine. Thankful for a beautiful dog to call mine. Thankful for a beautiful home to call mine.

I don't deserve such beauty.

God is good to me.

Uncle Todd's wedding.

December 27, 2019
Day 1,186

Thankful for:

my Uncle Todd's wedding.

my cousins.

time to dance.

time to give toasts.

time to hug.

time to drive home.

catching up with people I love.

time to drive with my mom and my grandmad.

impossible whoppers.

good things that I don't deserve like a beautiful home and family to come home to.

For all the beauty in my life that I don't deserve.

December 26, 2019
Day 1,185

Thankful for:

a day to relax after the busy of yesterday.

for phones so I can stay in touch with my family.

medicine for sick family members.

the ability to pray whenver I need to or want to.

big books to read.

Christmas cookies in big tins.

leftover Christmas dinner.

things to keep the kids busy for a while.

for all the beauty in my life that I don't deserve.

Different, but beautiful. Merry Christmas!

December 25, 2019
Day 1,184

     Thankful for Christmas breakfast. For excited babies in the morning. Thankful for candy in stockings. Thankful for gifts under the tree. Thankful for Christmas greetings from family and friends. Thankful for presents. Thankful for Christmas kisses. Thankful for Christmas magic. Thankful for the glow of the Christmas trees. Thankful for a very happy Higbee. Thankful for the reason for Christmas day. Thankful for family.

I'm just...thankful. I don't deserve any of this happiness. It's all just so good. And so beautiful. I'm swimming in love and blessings all day every day.

It was a beautiful Christmas. It was different, but it was beautiful.

Christmas movies, cookies, shopping, music, decorations.

December 24, 2019
Day 1,183

     Thankful for a quiet afternoon and evening at home after a busy morning. I went shopping at Wegman's on Christmas Eve. Thankful for an impromptu meetup with Patty. Thankful for eggrolls. Thankful for time to bake cookies with my family. Thankful for Christmas movies and Christmas music and Christmas decorations. Thankful for such a special day. Thankful to be able to spend it with the great loves of my life.

Buddy, joy, excitment, and gifts.

December 23, 2019
Day 1,182

Thankful for:

Buddy the elf.

the joy and excitment over finding him hidden somewhere new every morning.

the gift of time.

the gift of a place called home.

the gift of people called family.

the gift of Christmas.

the gift of Jesus.

the gift of Christmas music.

the gift of love.

Simple lists of simple things.

December 22, 2019
Day 1,181

Thankful for:

my family.

my home.

this lovely life.

simple lists of simple things that are everything.

The gifts that Christmas brings.

December 21, 2019
Day 1,180

Thankful for a day called Saturday. Thankful for days at home. Thankful for time to clean and make the house beautiful for Christmas. Thankful for my family. Thankful for Higbee. Thankful for cold air. Thankful for all the gifts that Christmas brings.

Christmas is magic.

December 20, 2019
Day 1,179

     Thankful that I got to drive away from work today and that I don't have to return for two weeks. I love my job, but I am loving the fact that I have two weeks at home with my loves. Thankful for the gift of time. Thankful that Christmas is coming and my kids are so excited. Christmas is magic. Thankful for God's gift to all of humanity: Emmanuel. God with us.

Only one more day until break.

December 19, 2019
Day 1,178

     There is only one more day until Christmas break. We have cookies to bake, the house to clean, presents to buy, but we have the gift of time coming very soon. Thankful for the great gift of time coming after tomorrow. I can't wait to be at home with my loves for two whole weeks. Thankful for the magic of Christmas. Thankful for the gift of a baby in a manger. Thankful for things to be thankful for.

A short list on a Wednesday.

December 18, 2019
Day 1,177

     Thankful for the end of this week coming soon. Thankful for cold, cold air. For my children. For my husband. For second chances. I'm thankful for new days every morning. I'm thankful for my friend, Jason. Thankful for long phone calls. Thankful for time to catch up with my friend, Carmella. We talked for a while on the phone this past Monday. Thankful for my bed. My home. For food to eat. For a very long break coming very soon.

Mugs.

December 17, 2019
Day 1,176

     Thankful for my husband. He loves me even when I freak out and yell. He still smiles. He still loves me. He always forgives me. Thankful that he helps me and cares about the things that I care about. Thankful for his love. Thankful for cold, cold air. Thankful that this week is almost over. Thankful that after this week, we're going to have two whole weeks off from school. I can't wait. Thankful for my babies. Thankful for homemade pizza for dinner. Thankful for cuddly, quiet, sleepy Higbee. Thankful for my bed. For time to sleep. For tea and peanuts. For mugs sitting everywhere in my house. For a hard job completed. I love checking things off my list. Thankful for a good Tuesday.

I'm going to hang onto his words forever.

December 16, 2019
Day 1,175

     This morning, I asked Tobin to pray with my for a little girl named Olive. She died and her parents are asking for prayer that God will work a miracle and bring her back to life.

     Tobin prayed a beautiful prayer. The words he spoke were far beyond his years. He prayed that she would be made well. He prayed that God would heal her just as he healed the ten lepers and other people when "You were here." But then he made a correction: "Well, You're always here, but when You were walking on earth." He asked that God would touch her head and make her well. He has such strong faith.

     After he prayed, he remembered a dream he had long ago. I remembered it as well because it was so powerful. I blogged about it. Tobin had been very sick, and I was very worried. I used to ask Tobin every morning, "What did you dream about last night?" His answer was the same every morning: "nothing." On this particular morning, after we had both been up many times in the night doing breathing treatments, Tobin told me, "Last night, I dreamed that angels were flying around me."

     This morning, he told me more of his dream:

"I was walking up a long staircase to God's castle. God's castle is very big. It's bigger than Asia; the biggest continent. It's made of gold. The angels in heaven are brighter than the angels on earth. They were so bright, I was afraid I was going to go blind, but I didn't. I saw Jesus. I knew it was Him right away. He was glowing. He was wearing white with a blue cloth. There was a big cloud over the castle. It was glowing. God was in that cloud. It was such a peaceful dream...it was so peaceful. An angel told me that tomorrow, I would be healed by the one true Lord. And I was, Mom. The next day, I got better." He also told me that in God's temple in heaven, there is a room where you can see all the Bible stories. He said it's like they're real, and you can watch them.

     After he told me his dream, I went downstairs and was talking very quietly with my mom on the phone. Tobin was upstairs brushing his teeth. There is no way he could have heard what he said next. I was telling my mom a little bit about Olive. There was a peson that painted a picture of an olive branch with Olive's name written like this: O-Live! And her name means awaken or awakening. When I came upstairs, Tobin told me this: "I have another prayer for Awaken." I asked him if I told her what Olive's name meant. He said no and continued: "This is my prayer for Awaken. That tomorrow she would be healed by the one true Lord, like I was." Tomorrow would mark the 3rd day. The day that Olive's parents are asking God to raise their daughter from the dead.

     I told Tobin that I wished I could have a dream like that. He replied, "You have. Remember the dream you had about Poppy?" I had forgotten. I had an amazing dream about my grandfather that was straight up from heaven. I saw my grandfather with a new body and happy and at peace. He was simply put: beautiful and full of peace.

     I'm in awe of my boy that hears from God. My Tobin Solomon. My boy who is full of wisdom at such a young age. I'm thankful and I'm humbled. I'm humbled to call Tobin my son and Adelyn my daughter. I'm humbled to call River my daughter. I'm humbled that I still have time on earth to love my little ones. I'm thankful and grateful and humbled and completely wrecked by God's love for me. I am the most undeserving creature. I don't deserve any kind of happiness, success, love, joy, peace. But He gives it. Because He loves me.

     Praying for a miracle for Olive. Praying for perspective. Praying that the world will see a miracle and praise God for it. Thankful for Tobin. Thankful to call him my son. I'm going to hang onto his words forever.



   

One fine Sunday.

December 15, 2019
Day 1,174

Thankful for:

beef bourguignon.

a fresh baguette.

red wine.

being able to see Santa from the edge of our driveway; the fire department comes by ever December.

I love where we live.

a good day with my husband.

time to play outside with the kids.

leaving pumpkins outside for the deer to eat.

planting pumpkin seeds and hoping that maybe something will come up one day.

woodpeckers.

the last week of school before Christmas break.

my new book.

Twilight marathon on TV.

Christmas break coming soon.

December 14, 2019
Day 1,173

Thankful for:

time to do some Christmas shopping with my husband.

carts full of Christmas gifts for my babies.

the feeling of being done with Christmas shopping.

Christmas break coming soon.

plans for Christmas break.

plans to bake cookies, watch movies, play, and relax.

being able to celebrate Casey being promoted to black belt.

time with my family.

my mom's lemon bars.

The feel of a new, big book in my hand.

December 13, 2019
Day 1,172

Thankful for:

the Christmas party at work.

time by myself while I drove to Barnes and Noble.

the smell of the bookstore.

the feel of a new book in my hand.

a big, new book to read.

days when my husband picks up the kids from school.

knowing that he takes good care of them.

Six on a Thursday.

December 12, 2019
Day 1,171

Thankful for:

Chapel days.

Christmas program practice.

Thursdays.

Things to be thankful for on Thursdays.

Tomorrow is Friday.

Texts from my husband.

Six on a Wednesday.

December 11, 2019
Day 1,170

Thankful for:

Wednesdays.

My home.

My husband.

My babies.

My job.

Things to be thankful for.

Two hour delay.

December 10, 2019
Day 1,169

     Thankful for a dreary day. For friends. For my cousin. For quinoa with parsley and red onion and tomatoes. Thankful for Christmas lights. Thankful for Higbee. Thankful that Tobin could stay home with Matt today and relex. He needed a mental health day. Thankful for the feeling of being caught up on schoolwork. Thankful for "Little House on the Prairie Day." Thankful for mugs of tea and a little bowl of blister peanuts. Thanful for Friends. Thankful for a two hour delay tomorrow. I love being able to turn off my alarm. Thankful for time to sleep in bed.

8 things.

December 9, 2019
Day 1,168

Thankful for:

 A good Monday.

The feeling of getting all my papers graded.

Being caught up on school stuff.

A fun party day tomorrow.

Sweet students.

Higbee.

My kids.

Tea and peanuts.

Stephanie.

December 8, 2019
Day 1,167

Thankful for:

Stephanie.

time to celebrate Stephanie's birthday.

Sweetwater.

ice cream cake.

party crowns and glasses.

Maggie.

time spent with family.

Chop house salad at Sweetwater.

Lovely day with my children.

December 7, 2019
Day 1,166

Thankful for:

a lovely day with my children.

a date with my babes at a Mexican restaurant.

Christmas shopping.

milkshakes.

buying presents for people for Christmas.

driving around in my new car.

Pizza for dinner.

December 6, 2019
Day 1,165

Thankful for:

Friday nights.

Decorating our school for Christmas.

Time to catch up with old friends.

Pizza for dinner.

Eating pizza for dinner in bed while watching Friends. 

Recess and Lunch.

December 5, 2019
Day 1,164

Thankful for:

Thursdays.

Things to be thankful for on Thursdays.

The weekend coming soon.

Time to cuddle with Higbee.

My children.

My husband.

My students.

Cold air.

Recess with one of my favorite friends.

Lunch with one of my favorite friends.

Mugs of tea and tiny bowls of blister peanuts.

December 4, 2019
Day 1,163

Thankful for:

Wednesdays.

A job that I love.

A home that I adore and that brings me joy and comfort.

The magic of the Christmas season.

Buddy, our elf.

The glow of the Christmas tree.

Friends and mugs of tea and tiny bowls of blister peanuts.

Socks.

Good Day.

December 3, 2019
Day 1,162

     It was a good day. It was cold. I had a lovely sandwich for lunch. I am a bit obsessed with sandwiches. My students were sweet. Recess was cold and windy. Adelyn and Tobin were cuddly and wanted lots of kisses. I got to see a sweet, fluffy, fat puppy with a cold, black nose. I got to have dinner with my sister. We had impossible whoppers. They were delicious. We went to Costco and Trader Joe's. We got lots of fun treats and goodies. We listened to music and laughed. Tomorrow is Wednesday and there are only two more Wednesdays after tomorrow until Christmas break. There was a weather alert of a little snow on the way tonight. I love snow. I love waking up to a fresh blanket of white. Even if it's just a dusting. Thankful for time with my sister. Thankful for a very good day.

"Tomorrow is always fresh; with no mistakes in it."

December 2, 2019
Day 1,161

Thankful for:

a cold, windy day.

recess time.

a sandwich for lunch.

kisses and hugs from my babes.

driving my new car to work.

Higbee cuddling in the morning.

not wanting to get out of bed because my bed is so cozy.

winter.

December.

the Christmas season; it's filled with magic.

leftovers for dinner.

an early to bed night for me and the kids.

books in bed together.

homework done.

a clean kitchen and everything prepped for tomorrow morning.

time to lay in bed.

time to write about what's good.

birds.

deer.

my gravel driveway.

hot tea and pumpkin seeds in bed while I watch Friends. 

another new day tomorrow.

I love this quote: "Tomorrow is always fresh; with no mistakes in it." -Lucy Maud Montgomery

the feeling of a brand new day tomorrow.

time to sleep.

Turducken.

December 1, 2019
Day 1,160

Thankful for:

a lovely, rainy, quiet, peaceful day at home.

my family.

blankets on the couch.

time to watch movies.

another Thanksgiving meal to savor.

homemade Turducken.

gravy.

mashed potatoes.

stuffing.

cranberries two ways: canned and homemade sauce.

black olives.

biscuits.

pies.

my parents.

It was the best Sunday.