Holding Hands.

March 31, 2017
Day 181

     Today was a hard day. There was anger and confusion. There still is. But there was also good.

There was the soaking rain. It was so lovely.

There was a special day at school. There was lots of reading. There was my sweet student who wanted to sit right beside me while we read.

There was my husband. My husband who cleaned the entire house for me while I went grocery shopping for Patty's baby shower tomorrow.

There was Adelyn.

There was Tobin.

There was Higbee.

There was cuddling in bed with Matt.

There was holding hands with my mom after this hard day as we walked to get things from her car.

There were frozen yogurt pops.

There were beautiful flowers waiting to be put into old glass jars.

Thankful. 

God knows karate.

March 30, 2017
Day 180

Last night as I was leaving Tobin's room before bedtime, he called me back and told me he was scared. I told him he didn't need to be scared because he had his special animal friends with him and because we prayed for angels to protect him while he slept. He replied with this: "Yeah, and God knows karate." As I left his room and chuckled to myself about his sweet comment, I got to thinking...I bet God does know karate. I bet God fights for us.

Tonight while Matt and I were laying in bed talking after we put the kids to bed, he smiled very sweetly at me and said, "baby, you're so beautiful."

It was cool today.

It is going to rain tomorrow.

I got some pretty picture frames at Michael's tonight.

There are sleeping dogs in my room. I adore sleeping dogs. It's as if they exude peace into the room as they exhale.

I had soup and a sandwich for dinner.

Patty gave me a key to her new house tonight.

Tomorrow is Friday.

Tobin and Adelyn make every day funny and special and wonderful and exciting.

I got to chat with my friend, Michelle, after school today.

Thankful. 

The Christmas Morning Feeling.

March 29, 2017
Day 179

     I got to spend today at home with my little loves. Adelyn and Tobin weren't feeling well, so we spent the day at home. It was lovely to have a quiet day at home with my family. Even if it was because it was a sick day. When my kids were babies, I would sometimes get this feeling when I would go into their rooms to get them out of their cribs; it would feel like anticipation, like Christmas morning, like I had this wonderful something that no one else had. I felt that feeling often when Adelyn and Tobin were very young and still in cribs.

     I felt that feeling again today. And it makes my heart feel proud and bubbling over with joy and happiness and gratitude that I get to be the mother of Adelyn and Tobin. They are my greatest loves. My greatest source of joy. My greatest reminder to be thankful. They make every day new and fun and exciting. They get excited about tulips coming up out of the ground. They do not overlook even one detail. They experience the world as it should be experienced. Without fear, without inhibition, without an agenda.

     Thankful for Adelyn. Thankful for Tobin. Thankful that I get to be their mother.

Spectacular.

March 28, 2017
Day 178

It rained hard today.

It was gray and cloudy for a good part of the day.

The kids were in bed by 7.

Patty and I had a lovely planning session/latte date tonight.

Odette is coming soon.

Tobin and Adelyn give the best hugs and kisses.

Matt sends me text messages throughout the day to ask how my day is going.

I love getting phone calls from my mom.

I make these really tasty turkey meatballs. I make them with rolled oats instead of with breadcrumbs. They are really good with this garlic sriracha bbq sauce from Trader Joe's. Dinner was delicious tonight. I love when dinner is delicious.

I'm excited for Patty's baby shower this weekend. I can't wait to make the house look beautiful for her.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. We read a long time on Wednesday mornings at school, and that makes me happy.

The sunrise was spectacular this morning. There was a bright sunrise behind dark storm clouds. It made me happy to be up so early in the morning.

My husband hung up some new picture frames for me.

There are dogs snoring right now. I love sleeping dogs. I feel more at peace when I watch a dog sleep.

Thankful. 

Pickle-y.

March 27, 2016
Day 177

When I got home from work, Adelyn and Tobin had done their homework, the kitchen was clean, and my husband greeted me with hugs and kisses.

The dogs greet me with the sweetest happy whimpers and tail wags and sloppy kisses.

My students made me get well cards today because I'm not feeling well.

The kids were in bed by 7 tonight; courtesy of my husband.

Patty and I went grocery shopping together tonight. It was so good to spend time with my sister.

I was in bed by 9 tonight. I love writing in bed.

I have lots of pickle-y things to eat for lunch tomorrow.

My husband sends me text messages during the day. Just little messages to say, "hello," and, "I love you."

I cannot wait to meet Odette.

I'm so in love with my family. I'm blessed beyond measure to have this happy life of mine.

It rained today.

It was gray and cloudy for part of the day today.

Thankful. 

A pleasant Sunday.

March 26, 2017
Day 176

Today was a good day.

It was cool and gray and misty.

We had bagels with my mom, dad, Patty, Armando, and the kids. It's always good to be with family.

We had a birthday party for Matt's mom today. We spent our day laughing with Steph, Mario, Matt's mom, and Mario's parents. There was good food, good wine, good cake, good people, and good conversation.

I love brown-eyed dogs.

The best way to unwind after a day is with a good book followed by The Office.

I love laying in bed next to my husband.

There are exciting things coming up.

I'm getting a haircut soon. I LOVE getting my hair cut.

I'm so ready for bed. I adore bedtime. Why did I ever complain about naps as a child? I so wish someone would force me to take a nap every afternoon.

Thankf

Seven.

March 25, 2017
Day 175

Adelyn and Tobin give the best hugs and always know how to make me feel better.

Matt's mom bought me some lavender spray and some delicious looking honey.

I have one more day off.

I got a long hot shower this morning.

Spring break is coming.

There are dogs sleeping in my room.

The AC is on in my house right now. It's nice and cool.

Thankful.

April and Odette.

March 24, 2017
Day 174

It was gray when I woke up this morning.

It rained this morning. I love it when it rains in the morning.

My kids are supposed to be sleeping but, instead they're having a sleepover. They're both wearing black pants, America shirts, and multicultural flag visors. Which all seems like the makings of a pretty kick ass sleepover.

I have two whole days off ahead of me.

There are a bunch of fun things coming up soon.

It was a good and productive day at school.

We get to celebrate a birthday this weekend.

Spring break is coming soon.

April is coming and that means so is Odette.

I'm looking forward to my morning coffee on the couch tomorrow.

Thankful. 

7 things to be thankful for.

March 23, 2017
Day 173

It was a long day but a very good day.

It was a successful day.

My students are sweet and amazing.

Tomorrow is Friday.

The sky was a pretty blue today.

I work with awesome people.

The dogs wait up for me.

Thankful. 

Night Owls

March 22, 2017
Day 172

It was cold and windy today.

There was a glorious sky this morning. The colors were like Easter eggs.

Higbee has the sweetest eyes. I love it when he looks at me.

Greenie curls up into the tightest ball when he sleeps on the couch.

Adelyn and Tobin did some more work to their boat tonight. They made a door, and cut out several large circles. Then they dumped about 20 stuffed animals into it. Then they made me carry it upstairs so they could "voyage" before bed.

I bought creme puffs for the Multicultural Festival at school tomorrow. They're Belgium creme puffs.

I love catching up with my dear friend, Jason, at 10 o'clock at night. We're both night owls. We have the best conversations.

I planned a field trip for my students. We're going to the Shenendoah Children's Museum, and I'm really excited about it.

I'm looking forward to this weekend.

There is Moon Cheese in my car, and that makes me terribly happy. Probably way happier than a person needs to be about cheese.

I love coming home to Matt every day. When I walk in, he always greets me with a smile, a hug, and a kiss.

Thankful. 

Squiggly Eyes and Smiles.

March 21, 2017
Day 171

It was gray this morning. I love gray mornings. They feel like tea and toast tastes.

Dinner was done, the kitchen was cleaned up, homework was done, the pups were fed and walked, and the lunches were made for tomorrow by 6:30 tonight. I felt very accomplished.

Tobin and Adelyn decorated a big cardboard box to make it look like a boat, and they went voyaging while I played music from Moana tonight.

There are literally countless pieces of paper around our house with the sweetest pictures drawn on them. Adelyn's pictures are very detailed and filled with hearts and flowers. Tobin's pictures are of people with a head with legs coming out of them. They have squiggly eyes and squiggly smiles. I love their pictures.

Tomorrow is, "Wonderful Reading Wednesday," at school. I love reading all morning with my sweet students.

I love when my husband says sweet things to me like, "you look pretty." I love that he hugs and kisses me when I get home from work. He actually stops what he's doing to come and hug and kiss me.

Thankful. 

Wouldn't you live differently?

March 20, 2017
Day 170

     Matt told me something interesting today. He watched a movie about this woman who was abducted by aliens? Something along those lines...
   
     In the movie, she keeps having what she thinks are flashbacks of her life. In these flashbacks, her daughter gets sick and dies. But then the woman realizes that she is not having flashbacks, she's having glimpes of her future; her future daughter will get sick and die. She has to decide when she gets back to earth whether or not she even wants to have a child because she knows that her child will get sick and die.
   
     Matt said that it got him thinking about this: people always say, "make the most of the time you have because you never know how much time you really have." And yes, that is true. But then Matt asked this question: what if you knew how much time you had? Wouldn't you live differently? What if you knew that you only had a few short years with someone you love? Wouldn't you make every second of every day count?

     We both said we would live differently if we knew we had only a few years with our children or with each other. But then the question is this: if we would live differently, shouldn't we just live differently now?

     Shouldn't every day be wonderful and pleasantly spent? Shouldn't every day contain long cuddle sessions on the couch? Shouldn't we do our best to make every day special and meaningful? Shouldn't we use every second wisely?

     We both answered: yes. If we would live differently, then we need to make changes and live differently now.

     Thankful for important conversations with my husband about life. I'm thankful I get to call him my husband. Thankful for the life we have together. Thankful for our sweet, precious children. Thankful for the home we share together. Thankful for all the dogs we love and have loved. Thankful that there is always a fresh, new day in which you can do things different than before.



   

Lovely Little Habit.

March 19, 2017
Day 169

     I've been feeling lately like what I'm doing here doesn't matter at all. I've been feeling like it isn't working. I've been feeling like I have nothing left to say. I keep on writing out of habit and out of my obligation to fufill what I set out to do: to write for 1,000 days about what I am thankful for.

     But, as this experiment has proved before, faithfully writing every single day about what I'm thankful for shifts my thoughts; if even ever so slightly. Writing about what I'm thankful for every day reminds me that there are miracles. Tucked within each day. All one has to do to see them is to open their eyes.

     When I take the time to be thankful, I notice the trees, the sky, the air, the beautiful faces of those I love, the grass, little tiny flowers, animals, the soulfulness in a dog's eyes, beauty, peace, joy, and love.

     So tonight, I'm thankful for this lovely little habit of mine. I'm thankful that being thankful brings me peace and quiet. It silences doubt and fear. It allows me to truly live every minute of my life. Time is too precious a thing to waste on something as ridiculous and absurd as fear. I'm thankful for a lovely weekend with all my loves. I'm thankful for a clean home, for many hugs and kisses, for puppy cuddles, for my family, for a fresh, new day tomorrow.

     Thankful. 

The sound of the rain.

March 18, 2017
Day 168

For the rain.

For a long afternoon walk with my family.

For dogs sleeping in my room.

For new discoveries. We've lived in our neighborhood for six years now, and this afternoon we discovered a large field behind one of the ponds here.

For a clean house.

For Halo Top.

For bacon.

For the sound of rain on the windows while I'm in bed with my husband. So cozy.

For books to read.

For bedroom camps. Adelyn and Tobin are roughing​ it on the floor of Adelyn's bedroom tonight.

For one more day off.

For the way Adelyn and Tobin play together. They are very sweet and very creative.

It's going to get cold again.

Thankful.

Roasted Garlic.

March 17, 2017
Day 167

It's Friday.

I like laying in bed and talking with my husband.

I had a fun time relaxing with my sister tonight. Laughing with her is the best medicine.

I like it when my house smells like roasted garlic.

I love knowing I have two days off ahead of me.

It rained today.

Adelyn and Tobin make my heart soar with joy.

Today was a fun day at school.

I have books to read.

I have a blanket to make.

Odette is moving all the time!

Patty and AJ move soon. Cannot wait for them to move into their new home.

Thankful.

Margaritas.

March 16, 2017
Day 166

Tomorrow is Friday.

Today was cold and bright and blue.

When I come home, I'm greeted by jumping, licking puppies, and by smiling children who shout out, "Mamaaaaaaaa!"

Had a meeting at Uncle Julio's after school. Shouldn't all meetings take place over margaritas and chips and salsa?

I felt Odette moving around tonight. I cannot wait to hold that sweet babe.

Duke spent his first day in heaven today. I like to think of him as he was as a fat puppy. I think he's cuddling in the softest blanket with River, Roxy, Dixie, and Skipper.

Matt folds all the laundry. Let me say that again: My husband folds all the laundry.

The weekend is coming.

Thankful.

A dog named, Duke.

March 15, 2017
Day 165

I'm thankful for a dog named, Duke, who sort of resembled a lion. I'm thankful for his sweet face, his big belly, and all the joy that he brought our family. I'm thankful for the time we had with him. I'm thankful for all the love he showed us through the years. I'm thankful that one day, we will see him again.

I'm thankful for lunch with my parents.

I'm thankful for tears and laughter.

I'm thankful that I was off today so I could be with Duke and my parents.

I'm thankful for bubble baths.

I'm thankful for books read in a freshly made bed.

I'm thankful that tomorrow is Thursday. That means the next day is Friday.

I'm thankful for sleeping dogs beside me. Sleeping dogs are the coziest thing I can think of.

I'm thankful for Matt and his kisses and hugs.

I'm thankful for Patty.

I'm thankful for Odette. I cannot wait to hold that sweet babe. Today, I asked Patty if she was moving, and Patty said no. I put my hand on her stomach anyway, and Odette started moving. A lot! I think she loves her Kiki already. :)

I'm thankful for time at home with all my favorite people.

I'm thankful for snow and for cold.

I'm thankful for a glorious sunset.

Thankful. 

Snow Day 1.

March 14, 2017
Day 164

Today was a snow day!

Tomorrow is a snow day!

We had the most delicious dinner. I made corned beef and cabbage. We ate it with Irish soda bread. It was glorious!

It was so good to be with my babies all day long. It was so good for my soul to be able to sit on the couch and cuddle with them.

Everyone, except me, was asleep by 8:45 here tonight. Dogs included.

I love cuddling with dogs at night.

We watched two movies today.

We went sledding today.

Tobin likes to throw snowballs at me. He does so with a sly smile on his face.

We read.

We listened to music.

There was very cold air and very bright sunshine.

I get to relax in sweatpants all day tomorrow.

Tobin stayed in pajamas all day.

Adelyn comes up to me and hugs me randomly throughout the day.

It was a very fine day.

Thankful. 

Unexpected Gift.

March 13, 2017
Day 183

It's snowing outside. I love how snow falls quietly.

There is no school tomorrow! It's a SNOW DAY!

Here are my plans for tomorrow:
1. Relax in bed for a good part of the morning with the kids and the pups.
2. Eat a leisurely breakfast.
3. Watch a movie under big blankets while eating popcorn.
4. Make a snow man.
5. Play in the snow with my littles.
6. Make hot chocolate.
7. Make snow ice cream.
8. Play in the snow some more.
9. Watch another movie.
10. Make a delicious dinner.

Today was a good day. I was strong today.

I'm wearing a robe that Matt gave me as a wedding present. His pet name for me when we were dating was, "little bunny." Can you guess what it says on my robe?

I don't have to set the alarm for tomorrow morning.

We had tacos for dinner. I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with tacos lately.

When you have so many hard days in a row, and then you have a good day...the good day feels like this unexpected gift.

It is time to sleep all the way until morning.

Thankful. 

To the tormented.

March 12, 2017
Day 182

I've been writing and deleting now for the better part of an hour, so I'm going to list what I want to say because my words and my thoughts are jumbled.    

-For the past few days, I have been tormented by anxiety. My mind feels like a playground from hell where fear, doubt, and anxiety take turns pushing me off the slide. It is utterly exhausting. It takes everything in me not to give in to panic.

-When I'm tormented, I focus on all things good and lovely. I focus on the things to be thankful for. I focus on the many, many ways in which God has blessed me. I focus on the light. And when I do that, the dark cloud of anxiety starts to dissipate. The fog of confusion and doubt is lifted.

-I have more things to be thankful for than I could ever even possibly list. Things like:

*There are sweet dogs sleeping in my house right now.

*There are sweet babies, my sweet babies, sleeping in my house right now.

*There are trees and birds.

*There are sunsets.

*There is the sky.

*There is ice cream.

*There is family.

*There is music.

*There is bedtime.

*There is a place called home.

*There are funny shows to watch and laugh at.

*There is a new baby coming soon.

*There are new days.

*There is cuddling on the couch.

*There is food to make.

*There are books to read.

*There are sidewalks with little flower petals on them.

*There are flowers.

*There is the smell of home.

*There is hope.

*There is love.


     To the tormented, "Courage, dear heart." -C.S. Lewis



   

Cold.

March 11, 2017
Day 181

It was cold today.

It's going to snow.

We spent the whole day with family.

We watched a movie.

I'm in bed. And it's soft and warm and I am absolutely exhausted.

Thankful. 

Pizza and a movie.

March 10, 2017
Day 180

For Friday nights.

For pizza on Friday nights.

For a movie in the basement after pizza on a Friday night.

For two days off.

For my bed.

For the very, very cold.

For time to sleep.

Thankful

Power, love, sound mind.

March 10, 2017
Day 179

For too many things to laugh about with Patty while we moved stuff out of her house and into storage.

For coffee and moon cheese.

For deer.

For these words from 2 Timothy 1:7: "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind."

For hot showers.

For Friday.

For dogs to pet when I'm feeling anxious.

For the smell of home.

Thankful. 

Glorious.

March 8, 2017
Day 178

The weather was glorious today. There was a warm sun with a cold breeze and puffy white clouds. It was heavenly.

I have friends at work that care about me. I am blessed to be able to work with people I trust and love.

Reading in bed with my family at night is the best.

Cuddling with Higbee makes my heart happy.

Matt went grocery shopping for me so I didn't have to.

It's almost Friday which means it's almost the weekend.

Snow.

Bedtime.

Thankful. 

Other Life.

March 7, 2017
Day 177

I love that there are four 7's in the heading I just wrote.

It rained today.

It was cool and gray today.

We had dinner out for our school's spirit night and it was sweet to see the kids so excited to see all their friends. Especially, Tobin. I see Adelyn multiple times throughout the school day, but Tobin has this sort of other life that I never get to see. I can't volunteer at his school because I'm always working whenever there is a special event. Patty or AJ pick Tobin up, and I'm told he spends 30 minutes straight talking about his day. I do hear about his friends, but I never get to see them. But tonight, I got to meet some of them. And it made my heart happy to meet the little people that are Tobin's friends.

Patty watched all four kids after a full day so I could go to a PTO meeting. And while I was gone, she cleaned my kitchen. I'd understand completely if you were jealous that you don't have a Patty.

Matt and I laid in bed and talked after we put the kids to bed tonight. I'm thankful for my love and for our love.

Higbee cuddles with me at night, and Greenie curls himself up in a tight ball on our couch. Sleeping dogs exude peace.

Thankful. 

Talk of snow.

March 6, 2017
Day 176

It was cold today.

There is talk of snow later this week.

My kids are in bed sleeping away. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to when I was a kid. I can't even imagine how amazing it must be to have another person force you to go to bed early every night.

It's an early to bed night for me. I'm so exhausted.

Thankful. 

Gamie Pigs.

March 5, 2017
Day 175

My mom is brave, strong, lovely, and full of grace. When I'm with her, I am home. I am so thankful to call her my mom, my family, and my best friend. I can only hope to be the kind of mother to my children that my mother was to me.

We had a lovely party for her today.

It was cold today.

I love watching a dog enjoy a new toy. We got two new stuffed squirrels for Higbee and Greenie today. There was much joy in this home today because of those silly squirrels.

We got to pet a guinea pig today. Tobin still calls them, "gamie pigs." Maybe this doesn't seem as funny to anyone else, but "Gamie" is the name we call my grandmother.

Everyone else is sleeping in my house right now.

Tomorrow is a fresh, new Monday. Mondays are good for fresh starts, second chances, and new beginnings.

The trees looked lovely today against the blue sky paired with the cold air.

Thankful. 

My mom's birthday.

March 4, 2017
Day 174

Today is my mom's birthday.

I got to go to lunch with my mom and my grandmother.

We ate at a restaurant called Trummer's, and it was delicious.

There was coffee and apfel cake and melty chessy sandwiches.

Higbee likes to cuddle at night.

Higbee and Greenie like to play tug of war. They also give each other kisses.

It was very cold today. It made me feel alive.

Matt wanted to watch a movie with me tonight.

We get to celebrate my mom tomorrow with the family.

My mom is like a home. When I'm with her, I'm at home. I'd be lost without her. She's the glue. She's the all things good and lovely.


Thankful.

The very cold.

March 3, 2017
Day 173

The very cold weather.

Fridays at school.

Friday nights at home.

Higbee and Greenie were playing tug of war tonight. And giving each other kisses.

Tobin was very happy to see me after work.

I felt Odette moving and kicking after dinner tonight.

For two whole days at home.

Thankful.  

Machine Gun.

March 2, 2017
Day 172

Pickles.

Tomorrow is Friday.

Snuggling with my babes at night.

Tobin and Adelyn are very excited to read their new Chronicles of Narnia books.

A good workout. Honest truth: If I had a machine gun, I would have used it to shoot all the tires on Matt's vehicle and mine just so I wouldn't have to go to the gym tonight. But, because I don't have a machine gun, I went to the gym. Glad I did.

My mom's birthday is on Saturday, and I'm really looking forward to celebrating her.

Dogs make the nighttime so cozy.

The weekend is coming.

Thankful. 

Buds on the Trees.

March 1, 2017
Day 171

I love the first day of the month. It feels fresh and new and clean and full of possibility.

I had to go to the store tonight so I picked up some moon cheese, and the knowledge that there is moon cheese in my lunch bag for tomorrow makes me very happy.

My children are amazing and sweet and wonderful.

It rained today.

It was windy today.

There are snowflakes in the forecast.

I have a turkey sandwich for lunch tomorrow. I don't know why, but turkey sandwiches with lots of raw, red onion, tomato, lettuce, and cheese make for the best lunch.

Today was, "Wonderful Reading Wednesday," at school. I love Wednesdays because we read all morning. Perhaps, I should have a, "Wonderful Reading WednesDAY," where we just read all day long.

For coffee.

For The Chronicles of Narnia. 

For a sucessful night at the gym. The absolute last thing I want to do at night is go to the gym. But I'm always happy when I do.

Buds on the trees.

Thankful.