Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Fifi.

November 30, 2016
Day 81

     There is a woman at the gym named, Fifi. She smiles at people when she walks past them, and she can frequently be found in the locker room talking with someone in need of help. And I'm not sure why, but there have been several occasions when I've walked into the locker room at the gym, and there is a woman crying on the bench. And each time I walked in to find a woman crying, Fifi was also there. Holding that woman's hand, handing her tissues, listening, and offering advice.

     The other day, I walked into the locker room and Fifi was there stretching. I say, "Hey, how are you?" She replies, "Very happy!" Tonight, I walked into the locker room, and Fifi was there doing her hair in front of the mirror. I say, "Hey, how are you?" She replies, "Very happy!"

     At first I thought it was just a fluke...the response of, "Very happy!" I thought maybe she had a great day or received good news. But I think it's more than that. Fifi makes a deliberate choice to be happy. Most people, myself included, respond to the question, "Hey, how are you?" with answers like "I'm good," or "I'm okay," or "Eh," or "Blah," or "Ugh." Fifi chooses to answer with, "Very happy." And it brightened my day.

     Thankful for Fifi. Thankful for her words.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Catawampus.

November 29, 2016
Day 80

     Thankful for a rainy, dreary day. Thankful for Christmas lights strung along the walls in my classroom. Thankful for notes from my students. One student gave me a note today that said this, "Mrs. Sanderson, you make my heart feel warm and welcome." Thankful for Higbee sleeping on my feet while I write this. Thankful for Matt waiting up for me while I write this. Thankful for sleeping kids. Thankful for Christmas music. Thankful for Wednesdays at school. I really look forward to them. We read all morning long. It's wonderful and relaxing and cozy. Thankful that my students use words like catawampus and hullabaloo. They especially like to say catawampus. I can't blame them. Thankful for fog. It's quite lovely. Thankful that it's almost December. I like the way my mouth feels when I say December. December is a great month because it feels airy and cold yet warm and cozy at the same time. Thankful for a good Tuesday.


Monday, November 28, 2016

Good.

November 28, 2016
Day 79

     Thankful that I get to take care of two sweet children. Thankful for their toys, and their mess, and their silliness. Thankful for their smiles. I would be lost without my Adelyn and my Tobin. Thankful for my furry baby. Thankful for his sweet, sweet, brown puppy eyes. It's a wonderful thing to love a dog and be loved back by that dog. Thankful that my husband waits up so that he can help me carry in the groceries. Thankful that he helps me clean the kitchen. Thankful that I know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me forever. I never question his devotion to me and our family. Thankful for the cold air and my warm home. Thankful for warm coats for my children. Thankful that we have food to eat. Thankful for things like bathtubs full of toys and reading homework. Thankful for my students. Thankful for my job. Thankful for my family. Thankful for things like peace and happiness and laughter and togetherness. Thankful that I have so many things to be thankful for, that I could never possibly list them all. The list would go on forever. That's a whole lot of good. And when there is that much good, how can there be any room at all for anything that isn't good?

Sunday, November 27, 2016

A fine Sunday.

November 27, 2016
Day 78

     Thankful for a lovely day. Thankful for time spent outside. It was warm in the sun with a cold breeze. It felt glorious. Thankful for pecan pie with whipped cream. Patty and I finished off the last of it today. Thankful for days when Matt and I can accomplish things in the house together. We went through all of the kid's clothes today. It takes forever and it's not very fun, but somehow we always end up laughing and having a good time. It's good to laugh and organize and accomplish things. It's better to do it with your best friend. Thankful that we always have way way more clothes than we need for our kids. Thankful that there are Christmas lights and decorations going up everywhere. It's such a joyful and jolly time of year. Thankful that I can listen to Christmas music at home and at school. Thankful for time to read to Adelyn at night. Thankful for time to read to Tobin at night. Thankful that Tobin still asks me to sing to him before bed. Thankful that there are only a few short weeks until Christmas break. Thankful for the most relaxing Thanksgiving break and a very fine Sunday.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

"You make my heart feel all better."

November 26, 2016
Day 77

     Thankful for a day of leftovers. I think leftovers are so much more delicious than the original meal itself. Thankful for the joy and happiness of decorating for Christmas with Adelyn and Tobin. Christmas for them is the greatest day of all. They love everything Christmas. Christmas movies, Christmas decorations, Christmas hats, Christmas cookies, Christmas clothes, Christmas candy. Today, while we were out walking Higbee, they found the scraps from a Christmas tree that someone had left out on the sidewalk, and they went crazy over them. Over scraps of a Christmas tree. That is a serious love for Christmas. Thankful for what Tobin said when he was taking his turn telling us what he was thankful for during our leftover dinner. He said, "I'm thankful for my whole family...I'm thankful for Mama...Mama, you're so beautiful that you make my heart feel all better." I wanted to cry. My children speak the kindest words. Thankful for the coziest day with all my loves. Thankful for the cold and the wind outside today. It made my home feel that much more warm and cozy.

     Thankful. Grateful.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Thanksgiving Part Two

November 25, 2016
Day 76

     Thankful for a good day with my family. Thankful for books. Thankful for Seinfeld. Thankful for the smell of Thanksgiving. It permeates every single room in the house. Our home will smell of deliciousness and coziness for days now. Thankful for pecan pie with fresh whip and vanilla ice cream. And just to let you know...it's pronounced: pee-can. Thankful for pomegranates. Thankful for black olives. Thankful for laughter. For hugs. For funny stories. I'm thankful for this: Tobin is adamant that he doesn't have lips. He says lips are for girls.  I'm thankful for two whole days left to be home with my loves. Thankful the the sounds of kids laughing and playing in the basement. Thankful for walks around the neighborhood with Higbee. He loves to go visiting. Thankful that tomorrow, we have leftovers to eat.

     Thankful for this day.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving.

November 24, 2016
Day 75

     Thankful for a lovely Thanksgiving Day with family. Thankful for black olives, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and gravy. Thankful for time to sit and talk with family. Thankful for old kid movies like Heavyweights and Home Alone. Thankful for time off. Thankful for time to be thankful. Thankful for a good day and a happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Sometimes I feel this feeling:

November 23, 2016
Day 74

     Thankful for a good day at home with my kids and Higbee. Thankful for silly games that make us all laugh hard. I love to hear my kids laugh really hard. Thankful for time to sit around and do nothing. Thankful for time to read. Thankful for time to take really long, hot showers. Does anyone else use shaving cream to draw pictures with in the shower? If you don't, I highly recommend it. Thankful for music. For cold air. For walks with Higbee. For trees and leaves. For phones calls with people I love. For nights when I can go to bed early and not have to set an alarm for the next day. Thankful for so very many things to be thankful for. Sometimes I feel this feeling: I have so many things to be thankful for that I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. There's this feeling of joy and happiness and satisfaction and elation.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Five Whole Days.

November 22, 2016
Day 73

     Thankful for five whole days at home with my loves. Thankful for Thanksgiving. Thankful for a whole day devoted to giving thanks. Thankful for Santa hats. Tobin saw them the other day at the store and pitched a fit because I said we couldn't get them. What do I do today? I go to the same store he pitched a fit in, and buy the same Santa hats he pitched a fit over. His smile was worth it. Thankful that Heavyweights is on Netflix. Patty and I are in for a lot of laughs over this lovely Thanksgiving break. Thankful for time. Thankful for family. I love when I have nothing but time and family. Also, here's a very adorable picture of Higbee:


Monday, November 21, 2016

Wee Bairn!

November 21, 2016
Day 72

     "Darlin is expecting a wee bairn!" A few weeks ago, I wrote about being thankful for W.B. That stood for wee bairn. Wee bairn is the nickname we have given to Patty's baby. Today, we found out that wee bairn is a girl! I am so excited! I cannot wait to hold a sweet baby again. It has been too long since I held a wee one. Thankful for wee bairn.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Gifts.

November 20, 2016
Day 71

     I am so very thankful for the good, tight walls around me to call home. Especially on a cold day like today. It's a cozy feeling to be inside in the warmth and comfort of my home while the cold wind is howling and blowing outside. It's a peaceful feeling to know that your family is safe and warm sleeping in their beds while it's wildly windy outside. Thankful for a lovely day at home with my family. Thankful for time to lay in bed with my sweet babies and read to them. Thankful for blankets and pillows and warm pajamas. Thankful for Dr. Quinn. Thankful for this beautiful life. It's more than I ever could have imagined. I often wonder what I ever did to deserve being able to look at the blue of Adelyn's eyes every day. What did I do to deserve Tobin's smile? Matt's love? This lovely home? The answer is simple: nothing. I did nothing to deserve them. They are gifts. And I will treasure them always. They dazzle me more than diamonds and precious gems. Thankful for my gifts.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

It makes me feel warm.

November 19, 2016
Day 70

     After I got Tobin out of the bath tonight, he asked if I would sing him a song because he was sad. Adelyn and Tobin begged me to do, "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe," to see who would be getting out of the tub first. He wasn't "it." Hence, the sadness. I made up a song instead of singing the usual, "Silent Night." The words I sang were, "I love you, I love you, I love you forever." After I finished singing, Adelyn remarked, "Mama, that song...it makes me feel all warm inside." I'm so thankful that love has a certain feeling to it. And that feeling is warmth.

     Thankful for a good day with my family. Thankful for family movie and popcorn and ice cream nights. Thankful that I have one more whole day at home with my family. Thankful for a cold night and for a warm home. Thankful for the cozy, warm smell of roasted chicken. Thankful for the comforting smell of homemade stock cooking away on the stove. Thankful for days when you wake up saying, "I'm going to clean the entire house today!" but you end up doing something else that is way more important. I did that today. I relaxed. I spent time with my babes. I cooked. And those things are way more important than dusting.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Exhausted.

November 18, 2016
Day 69

     I'm exhausted, and I can hardly keep my eyes open to write this so I'm going to be short and sweet tonight:

I'm thankful for Friday night, for Saturday, and for Sunday. I'm thankful for my bed and that I don't have to set alarms for tomorrow. Thankful for hot apple cider. Thankful for time spent with my sister. Thankful for laughter. Thankful for the old school Goofy cartoons, and thankful that my kids like watching them as much as I do. Thankful that tomorrow it's going to get cold, and thankful that I have a warm home with lots of blankets to cuddle in.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Blueberry Poppy Seed and Patty

November 17, 2016
Day 68

     Thankful for a good day. Thankful for a day full of deep breaths. And fresh, cool air. Thankful for good food. Thankful for warm smiles from my babies and my students. And from Higbee. He smiles with his whole body when I come home. He acts like I've been gone for a month, and it is simply wonderful to be loved that way. Thankful that my husband loves me and wants to be around me every second when we're home together. Thankful that Adelyn and Tobin shout out and smile and run to us and give us the biggest hugs in the world when we get home. Thankful that tomorrow is Friday. And that next week is Thanksgiving. Thankful for treats from Trader Joe's waiting downstairs to surprise the kids with in the morning. They like to have dessert after dinner, and usually that dessert consists of a cookie. So I picked out the cookie that looked the least likely to tempt me to give them for their dessert each night. I chose a box of, "Blueberry Poppy Seed" cookies. I had to see what they tasted like; too bad they are some of the most delicious cookies I've ever tasted. Thankful for phone calls with Patty. I get to feeling selfish when other people get more time with Patty than I do. I need to talk with her. I need to laugh with her. I need to just be in the same room as her. She makes me happy. I know I've said it before, but if I could, I'd put her in my pocket and carry her around with me all day and keep her to myself.

     Thankful for a good Thursday.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Toasted quinoa with garlic and chicken broth.

November 16, 2016
Day 67

     Thankful for toasted quinoa cooked with lots of garlic and chicken broth. I treat the quinoa the way you would treat seaseme seeds. I toast the quinoa in a bit of olive oil until it's a very dark brown. While I'm toasting, I add garlic, salt, pepper, and tumeric. Then when it's the perfect color, I add the chicken broth. I could eat the whole pan. So delicious. Thankful for black olives and tomatoes. Thankful for hot tea with honey. Thankful for my bed, my comforter, and my pillows. Thankful for a good day. Thankful for things to look forward to like the weekend, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Thankful for time to read with my kids at night. I love that they want to read longer than we are able to. It means they love books, and that makes me happy. Thankful for, "Wonderful Reading Wednesdays," at school. It's where we literally read all morning until recess. It's my favorite day of the week. Thankful for a clean kitchen, a clean floor, shoes that are neatly placed in a row by the front door, books in our library arranged in a organized and pleasing manner, and for clean bedrooms. Thankful for Higbee. I love it when I feel him cuddle up right next to me during the night. It makes me feel loved and cozy. Thankful for seeing a missed phone call from my mom. I love that my mom calls me. When she's around, I feel loved and cared for. When she's around, everything feels better. I'm so blessed to be able to call her my mom and my best friend. Thankful for hugs from Matt. Thankful that he vacuums and dries dishes. Thankful that he loves me even when it must be hard to. Thankful for my kids' toothbrushes. I don't know why, but I love them. I can't throw their old ones away. I love the way the bristles splay out from the way they brush their teeth.

     It was a good day, and for that I'm exceedingly thankful.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Goodnight.

November 15, 2016
Day 66

     Thankful for a good day at school. Thankful for a quiet house. Thankful for hugs I get from my students. Thankful for pictures and treasures from students. Thankful for my babies and my furry baby. Thankful that in about 30 seconds, I get to go to sleep and sleep all the way until morning. Thankful for the word, "Goodnight." (Can you tell I'm tired?)

     Goodnight.


Monday, November 14, 2016

Dear Reader,

November 14, 2016
Day 65

     Here's how the days have gone for me lately:

1. Anxiety.
2. OCD.
3. Doubt.
4. Panic.
5. Fear.
6. Five minute break.
7. Repeat.

     It is exhausting. It weighs me down. It makes me feel broken. And it is easy to lose hope when you feel broken.

     I know this is not all for naught. There is a reason. Maybe you're the reason, dear reader? Maybe I'm supposed to tell you that you're stronger than you think. It takes a very strong person to get through the day when you've got one hand on a slippery log and the rest of you is threatening to sink down fast. It takes a strong person to lay down to sleep at night when the night time is the darkest and the scariest and the silence is the most deafening. It takes a strong person to cling onto hope and to search and search and search for that precious light when all you see is thick darkness.

     Dear Reader,
         
     Cling to hope. And while you're waiting for your lighthouse to shine through into the darkness, do these things with all your might:

Be thankful.
Laugh.
Talk to family and friends.
Write.
Cry.
Go sit outside with the most beautiful tree you can find and be still.
Be silly.
Dance.
Sing.
Watch funny movies and shows.
Take your time preparing a lovely meal, and then eat it with those you love.
Cuddle with someone you love.
Cuddle with someone you love of the furry variety.
Read. (May I kindly suggest anything by Laura Ingalls Wilder.)
Be thankful again.
Be thankful some more.

      Oh, dear reader, you are stronger and braver than you know. You will beat this. You will come out of that black, dark water. And when you do, you will feel the warm sun soft and sweet against your face. Hold onto hope. Don't let go of it.

     "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afriad; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

     Thankful tonight for peace in the storm. For glimpes of light. For the thrill of hope in the midst of darkness. Thankful tonight for people who love me and are rooting for me. Thankful to be able to root for you, dear reader.


Sunday, November 13, 2016

Home is where the heart is.

November 13, 2016
Day 64

     Matt said it while we were driving home today: "Home is where the heart is." We were discussing that while it was sad to drive away from the beach, it was so wonderful to be driving home. Home is such a wonderful word. It feels good to speak it. It feels peaceful and cozy to think about it. I feel thankful to be in it. But it isn't just the four walls around me that make my home. It's the people I share it with. Home is family. A home is created not when one places things in a building and says, "We live here, now." Rather, a home is created when people come together with the common thought: We will dwell together in this building, and love will govern us. We will spend all of our times here: our good times, our bad times, our joyful times, our sorrowful times, our times of plenty, our times of want, our times of health, and our times of sickness. Here is where we will go through our days together. Here is where we will return to day after day, night after night. Here is where our love will reside. 

     Thankful for home.





   

Saturday, November 12, 2016

"I survived...the Avon Fishing Pier!"

November 12, 2016
Day 63

     What a simply wonderful day this was. Matt and I relaxed. Matt napped while I picked shells. (A proper shell picking expedition cannot end until you've found that one piece that makes the whole expedition worth it. Last year, I found a piece of blue sea glass. Today, I found a conch shell. It is a thing of beauty.) We ate good food. We picked out goodies to bring home to the kids. And then...we went to the Avon Fishing Pier. It was built in the 1960's, and the wind and waves have shifted it over the years. Walking on the pier is like walking through a fun house. It is so wavy and uneven. I was so scared because it was super windy and dark out. But I did it. And I was proud of myself. I told Matt that I needed an, "I survived the Avon Fishing Pier!" shirt.

     Thankful for a glorious day of sand, waves, sun, sunset, good food, good company, and quiet.




























Friday, November 11, 2016

Feast for the eyes.

November 11, 2016
Day 62














































     Thankful for wide open sky. For miles of ocean. For birds. For sand. For waves. For a glorious sunset. For nothing but time with my love. Thankful that this day was a feast for my eyes and rest for my soul.