Happy Halloween!

Project 365 * 4
Day 666

     How funny is it that Halloween landed on my day 666? It was a good one! The kids had a great time. And Tobin and Sophia stopped crying about wearing their costumes when they realized that people give you tons of candy when you dress up and say, "trick or treat!" Thankful for little ones dressed up in costumes. Thankful for candy. Especially Reese's peanut butter cups. Honestly, is there really even any other candy worth buying? Thankful for kids having fun running around the neighborhood at night with buckets of candy.

Buzz Lightyear. Darth Vader. Jesse. And Yoda turned Obi-wan Kenobi when Sophia didn't want to wear her Yoda ears. 

The only good thing about 6:00 am.

Project 365 * 4
Day 665

     There is only one good thing about getting up at 6:00 in the morning. And that is that I never miss a sunrise. And man...this morning's sunrise was beyond glorious. Some things can't be put into words. Some things just don't translate. You have to be there. And feel it. And experience it. That sunrise was the best breakfast for my eyes and for my soul. Thankful for the sky and the sun and the clouds and the moon and the stars. Thankful for a new masterpiece to enjoy every day.

Well...here's the deal about tonight...

Project 365 * 4
Day 664

     Seeing as I had only had about 16 hours of sleep in the past three days, I decided to stay home from the gym tonight, and get to bed early. We got carry-out for dinner. Which was lovely. And how shall I say this? Sometimes workouts done in the bedroom can be much more beneficial than workouts done at the gym. I've been passed out cold since about 8:30 pm, either from lack of sleep or my workout. And now, I have about a million things to do at 1:30 in the morning before I can go back to bed. Worth it though.

     Thankful for bedroom workouts. Thankful for The Office. Micheal Scott is going to keep me company while I wash diapers, clean the kitchen, and make food for four people for tomorrow. Thankful for my sweet love, Matt. Thankful for my funny kids. They love dancing to Taylor Swift's, "Shake it off." Matt and I have Patty to thank for introducing that song to our children, but when your kids love something so much, it makes you fall in love with it too. Thankful for dance parties in the kitchen after dinner. Thankful for the incredible sunset tonight. It made me happy to be alive. Among other things. :)

Tobin did not want to go to bed tonight. He was pretty devastated about it. Oh kid, when you're an adult, you'll fondly miss the days when I forced you to go to bed at 8:00 pm. 

I aspire to be like a spider named, Charlotte.

Project 365 * 4
Day 663

     Whenever I'm choosing a book to read, I always do this: I open to the last page, and read the last paragraph first. There's something very telling about the last paragraph of a book. The finishing up of whatever story is being told. The end. I can always tell if it's going to be a good one by reading that last bit. Those precious few words that sum up the entirety of a story that took hundreds of pages to tell.

     The last paragraph of Charlotte's Web goes like this:

     "Wilber never forgot Charlotte. Although he loved her children and grandchildren dearly, none of the new spiders ever quite took her place in his heart. She was in a class by herself. It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both."

     When I was discussing Charlotte's Web today with my wide-eyed second graders, discussing big themes like life and death and friendship, I had a revelation. I realized that if I came to the end of my life, and it could be said of me that I was a true friend and a good writer, that I will have had lived well. Charlotte had a good death. For one reason. When she was alive, she truly lived and she truly loved. That's all. And that's everything.

     The concept of miracles is something I've been pondering ever since I started reading Charlotte's Web to my students. The miracle of the web, for example. Mrs. Arable says, "it's just a web." It's just an ordinary something. There's nothing special about it. Turns out, the web itself is the miracle. Not the writing in the web. Likewise, all of life is a miracle. Every tree. Every bit of blue sky. Every love story. Every minute. Of every day. It's all very miraculous when you think about it. And if all of life is a miracle, what is death? The last paragraph. The finishing up of whatever story is being told. The end. We must live in a way that makes that last paragraph worth reading.

     Thankful for Charlotte and all she taught me. Thankful for wide-eyed second graders. They think deeply. They love deeply. They live deeply. Thankful for children. Thankful for Adelyn and Tobin. The best day ever for them consists of wandering around outside and collecting leaves and sticks. They regard everything as something miraculous. And that's the best way to live. They've got it right. Thankful for words that speak to the soul. Thankful for this place to write every day. Thankful that death no longer seems like my worst enemy. A vicious someone waiting to take me before I'm ready. Maybe it was River that taught me that it was okay to die. Maybe it was Charlotte. Maybe it was both of them. Either way, I've learned that dying is not about the death itself. It's about the miracle of the life before the death. Death is just the last paragraph. Make it a good one.

Jen and Patty.

Project 365 * 4
Day 662

     Thankful for my cousin, Jen. She cut my hair tonight, and I am so happy to not have a mullet anymore. Growing your hair out from a pixie cut is not fun. I also left her house with five or six huge bags of clothes for Tobin. Such a blessing. I'm so thankful to have such a sweet person to call my cousin and my friend. Thankful for Patty. We had the best time talking in the bed of AJ's truck in the parking lot after our workout tonight. Thankful for incredible woman to call my favorites.

Lora. Mail.

Project 365 * 4
Day 661

52 People I Love

     This week, I've been thinking about how much I love my friend, Lora. I've known her since I was in high school, and she was one of my youth group leaders. She would pick me up in her Jeep, and we would ride around listening to Tori Amos. I never knew "Cornflake Girl" could rock so hard. We lost touch for a while. I had no earthly idea where she was or what she was up to, and then she found me on Facebook. A few years later, I was so happy to learn that we had moved into the same neighborhood as her. I love Lora because she cares so much. Every couple of months or so, she gives us at least two huge bags full of clothes for Adelyn. She is always there to listen or talk. And now, she's Adelyn's teacher. I never worry about my Addy girl because I know she's safe with Lora at school. I get pictures and updates and little stories about Addy's day from her, and I love it. I'm so thankful for Lora. I'm thankful to know her. I'm thankful for her kind and generous and loving heart.

52 Kind Things

     This week, I started writing thank you notes to everyone who came to Tobin's birthday party or sent him a card or gift. I haven't finished yet, and they will be going out somewhat late. But, I think it's never too late to send a thank you. I love sending mail. It makes me happy to send it and to receive it. Kindness in the form of actual mail in the mailbox is one of my favorites.



     Thankful for a good day with my family. Thankful for tree lined roads. Thankful for mountains. Thankful for the sound of nothing else but the leaves blowing in the wind. Thankful for time spent with my husband. Thankful for a new week.

I'm not who I used to be.

Project 365 * 4
Day 660

     I had a conversation with my cousin the other night. Ebola came up. My cousin expressed to me that she was having a hard time dealing with the constant bombardment of information, news reports, etc. It's like the word, ebola, is everywhere you look. Listening to her talk about her anxiety concerning ebola was like taking a trip down memory lane. And it wasn't a pleasant one. Everything she said...that was me not all too long ago. She asked me this: "how are you not affected by any of this?" And the only answer I had for her was, I'm not who I used to be.

     I'm not who I used to be. I no longer see the world as a scary, terrifying place filled with horrible things. I no longer spend my minutes and my hours worrying about diseases, disasters, death. I spend my hours finding beauty. I spend my minutes looking for good. I never knew life could be lived this way. I never knew that my mind could be quiet and still. I never knew that I could be so happy. Or so fulfilled.

     When I was in high school, I went on a women's retreat with my mom, my sister, and my grandmother with our church. I was very sick with anxiety then. And I was desperate for relief. The first night we were there, I found this little mint on my pillow. It had a Bible verse on it. It said, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears." I believed that that was a promise to me. That one day, I would be delivered. One day, I would be free.

 

     And now...I am free. I'm not who I used to be. And it is by far, one of the most amazing feelings I've ever felt. The journey was long. And far. And hard. And treacherous. There were dark days. But those dark days made this light I'm surrounded by now so much more brilliant. I've been delighted to find that my days can be filled with good, with beauty, with thankfulness, with all things lovely, and with love. And those things are stronger and more powerful than all of the anxiety in the world combined.

     I am so thankful for my days, for my hours, for my minutes. Instead of just surviving, I am truly living. I'm thankful for the beautiful blue sky. For the leaves. For the trees. For big, grassy hills. I'm thankful for family. I'm thankful for all that I've been blessed with. But most of all, I'm thankful for peace. For freedom from fear and anxiety. I'm thankful for happiness. I'm thankful for light. And all things good and lovely and beautiful. I'm thankful for the gift of thankfulness. Being thankful has filled up my heart and taught me more about life than anything else I know.