They make the days count.

June 2, 2019
Day 977

     Writing for me sometimes is like exercising. There are times I don't want to do it, but after I do, I always feel better. More clear headed. Like a fog has been lifted. For more days than I can count on this 1,000 journey of thankfulness, I have made thankful lists. There's nothing wrong with a thankful list...don't get me wrong.

     It's just that...I know I have more to offer. So, tonight, I'm going to offer up what I'm thinking about most these days.

     Here is the thing that I am thankful for right now this moment: I opened up the closet doors in the playroom to hang some of my work dresses.

     Here's what I saw:
1. a mess
2. board games
3. dress up clothes
4. princess dresses
5. superhero costumes
6. toys
7. little bits of paper
8. paper airplanes
9. more toys
10. more mess

     Here is why seeing all that made me thankful: I have two children. And they are the most beautiful beings. I did nothing great to deserve such love and beauty and fun. They are everything right in the world. And their mess means I have them. Right now. I have them to love and hug and hold and cherish and stare at and care for and cook for and clean for and work for and live for. This will not always be. They will not always live at home with me. They will not always just be in the next room playing.

     Dear Adelyn and Tobin,
     You are fast asleep in your beds right now as I write this. Adelyn, I can hear your sound machine going. The sounds of birds chirping and a babbling brook now remind me of you. My angels, thank you for being mine. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making my life full and lovely and complete. Without you, the sky wouldn't be so blue. The air wouldn't smell so sweet.
     I've been busy this past year. Please forgive me. It was with good intentions that I was busy. I want to be the best I can be at my job so I can give you the best life possible. Forgive me for missing bath times and goodnight prayers. Forgive me for not reading to you every night. Forgive me for making quick meals and instead of talking with you, staring at my phone.
     Summer is just around the corner. And I am going to make it the best summer ever. We're going to relax together. We're going to play. We're going to swim. And bake. And cook. And watch movies, and eat ice cream, and I will be there for every bath time. And every good night prayer. And every meal will be made with love. I will not stare at my phone. I will not waste my time with you. I will make every second count.
     I love you so. You make my days matter. I want to make sure I make your days matter. Thank you for loving me even though I'm far from perfect. Love, Mama

     Thankful for two babies named Adelyn and Tobin. They make the days count.