12 months to do 10 things.

December 31, 2019
Day 1,190

     As I sit here and write and erase and write and erase at the end of one year and the beginning of another, I am reminded of the things I didn't do this year. Things like lose the baby weight once and for all. Things like publish a book. Become an author. A real, live author. Paint the house. Become a runner again. All the usual things I long to have made a reality and don't year after year.

     But here's something else; I'm reminded of the things that I didn't do that really matter. Things like read extra books before bedtime with my babies. Spend more time with the people I love. Call people. Write to people. Dance in the kitchen with my husband while we wait for dinner. Spend more time in the woods. Pray for people. I'm reminded of all the times I should have put down my phone and been present and didn't. I'm reminded of every missed opportunitiy I've had to play with my children. To be young and wild with them while I still can be. I'm reminded that when I come to the end of my life, I will not speak to my family about how clean I kept the house, or what my body looked like when I was 37, or about my job. I will speak to them about love. I will tell them how much I love them. I will tell them to love each other. I will hold their hands and look at their faces and just swim in all the love that surrounds me when all the great loves of my life are close by.

     I've said it before. I'll say it again. If, at the end, love is A L L that matters, why do I waste my time with anything less than.

     Here is what I want to do this year:

1. I want to be present. In every moment.
2. I want to write more. 
3. I want to play and be wild.
4. I want to dance more.
5. I want to sing more.
6. I want to pray more.
7. I want to listen more.
8. I want to go visiting. I want to surprise people I love by knocking on their doors to say hello.
9. I want to send more letters in the mail. Everyone loves a letter in a mailbox.
10. I want to L O V E more.

     I have 12 months to do 10 things. I can feel it. It's going to be a good year.

Shane & Cheyenne got married today!

December 30, 2019
Day 1,189

     My brother and his love got married today! I was so honored and happy to be able to witness them profess their love for each other. True love is a beautiful thing to behold. It doesn't judge. It doesn't stay mad. It believes the best. It is always growing. It was in every smile exchanged between Shane and Cheyenne today. It was in their eyes. It was in their hands. It was a quick and quiet and small ceremony. But it was sweet. So very sweet. It's always sweet when you witness true love in action.

     Today, I'm thankful for a girl named Cheyenne who came into Shane's life and healed wounds and made him a better version of himself. I'm thankful for a boy named Ryker who came into Shane's life and made it richer and sweeter. I'm thankful for a little boy named Oliver who is growing every day in Cheyenne's belly. I'm thankful to call Cheyenne my sister. I'm thankful to call Ryker my nephew. I'm thankful for family. I'm thankful for happy days. I'm thankful for love. I'm thankful for December 30th.

I'm thankful that I got to...

December 29, 2019
Day 1,188

I'm thankful that I got to wake up this morning.
I'm thankful that I got to be home today.
I'm thankful that I got to be comfortable today.
I'm thankful that I got to clean my house today.
I'm thankful that I got to hug and kiss Adelyn and Tobin today.
I'm thankful that I got to take care of Higbee today.
I'm thankful that I got to listen to music today.
I'm thankful that I got to eat good food today.
I'm thankful that I got to talk to my sister today.
I'm thankful that I got to talk to my mom today.
I'm thankful that I got to talk to my husband today.
I'm thankful that I got to relax today.
I'm thankful that I got to write today.
I'm thankful that I got to get a hot shower today.
I'm thankful that I got to take vitamins today.
I'm thankful that I got to pray today.
I'm thankful that I got to kiss my babies goodnight tonight.
I'm thankful that I got to read today.
I'm thankful that I got to read my Bible today.
I'm thankful that I got to wear glasses to help me see today.
I'm thankful that I got to drink hot tea.
I'm thankful that I got to drink hot coffee.
I'm thankful that I got to eat chips and salsa.
I'm thankful that I got to be still and quiet today.
I'm thankful that I got to put lotion on my dry hands.
I'm thankful that I got to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my family today.
I'm thankful that I got to use my computer to write about the good things.
I'm thankful that I got to have a cookie today.
I'm thankful that I got to sing today.
I'm thankful that I got to cry today.
I'm thankful that I got to walk today.
I'm thankful that I got to be alive today.

It was a good day. I don't deserve such goodness.
Thankful.

I don't deserve such beauty.

December 28, 2019
Day 1,187

Thankful for time at home with the great loves of my life. Thankful for time outside. Thankful for a new swing in the backyard. Thankful beautiful children to call mine. Thankful for a beautiful husband to call mine. Thankful for a beautiful dog to call mine. Thankful for a beautiful home to call mine.

I don't deserve such beauty.

God is good to me.

Uncle Todd's wedding.

December 27, 2019
Day 1,186

Thankful for:

my Uncle Todd's wedding.

my cousins.

time to dance.

time to give toasts.

time to hug.

time to drive home.

catching up with people I love.

time to drive with my mom and my grandmad.

impossible whoppers.

good things that I don't deserve like a beautiful home and family to come home to.

For all the beauty in my life that I don't deserve.

December 26, 2019
Day 1,185

Thankful for:

a day to relax after the busy of yesterday.

for phones so I can stay in touch with my family.

medicine for sick family members.

the ability to pray whenver I need to or want to.

big books to read.

Christmas cookies in big tins.

leftover Christmas dinner.

things to keep the kids busy for a while.

for all the beauty in my life that I don't deserve.

Different, but beautiful. Merry Christmas!

December 25, 2019
Day 1,184

     Thankful for Christmas breakfast. For excited babies in the morning. Thankful for candy in stockings. Thankful for gifts under the tree. Thankful for Christmas greetings from family and friends. Thankful for presents. Thankful for Christmas kisses. Thankful for Christmas magic. Thankful for the glow of the Christmas trees. Thankful for a very happy Higbee. Thankful for the reason for Christmas day. Thankful for family.

I'm just...thankful. I don't deserve any of this happiness. It's all just so good. And so beautiful. I'm swimming in love and blessings all day every day.

It was a beautiful Christmas. It was different, but it was beautiful.