Prayer and medicine.

April 30, 2021

Day 1,637

Thankful for: 

medicine to help Tobin feel better. 

knowing that Tobin is at home with Matt. 

prayer. 

essential oils. 

people who pray for Tobin. 

people who pray for me. 

cereal for dinner. 

time to be home. 

time to sleep. 

a cleaned home. 

Adelyn made duck and flower decorations and a banner for Patty's party. 

yummy food for Patty's party. 

the feeling of being home for a whole weekend. 

People I do not deserve.

April 29, 2021

Day 1,636

     Today was Patty's birthday. It started off nicely with breakfast from Chick-fil-a for Patty in the car before school. It's our tradition. Patty and I always get Chick-fil-a for breakfast on our birthdays. Then we went to Susan's house after school to celebrate Patty with a nice dinner. It was lovely. Any time is a good time to celebrate Patty. She's an amazing person. I'm so thankful to know. To call her my sister is an honor. I don't deserve the gift of Patty. 

     Today was a day for taking care of Tobin. Tobin was struggling and laboring to breathe. We had to put him on an oral steroid and he's staying home from school again tomorrow. Towards the end of the night, I was feeling very panicked because he was struggling so badly to breathe. I was sitting with him while he was doing his nebulizer, and he used what little energy he had left to tell me how much he loved me: "Mom, I love you. You're the best mom in the world. I'd be lost without you. You're a gift to me." I do not deserve him. 

     Today was a day for forgiveness. I was reading an article called, "Things you should never to your kids." My heart sunk as I was reading it. I had said so, so many of the things to Adelyn. So, while she was lying in bed with me tonight, I asked for forgiveness. I named the things I had said to her, and I told her that it wasn't right of me to say those things. I told her how beautiful and wonderful she was and told her how sorry I was for saying those hurtful things to her. Her response: "You're the best mom in the world. I understand. You were just stressed out. You're so kind and amazing and beautiful." I do not deserve her. 

     Today was a day for calling my mama. When times get tough...what do you do? You call your mom. I asked her to pray. I asked her to put Tobin on the prayer chain. She prayed, and Tobin is doing better. I went in to give him more albuterol at 12:30 am, and he was all sweaty. The little fever that had started broke. He was breathing so much more peacefully and not coughing at all. My mom is always there for me whenever I need her. I do not deserve her. 

     Today was a day for friends. I called my friend Heidi on the way to the pharmacy to pick up medication for Tobin. She prayed for me. Hearing the words of her prayer and the way that she prayed it calmed me. She's a wise friend who never stops amazing me with her calm spirit, her laughter, and words of wisdom. I feel blessed and lucky just to sit and have lunch with her, and I get to call her: friend. I do not deserve her. 

     Today was a day for reassurance. Whenever we get a new prescription, I like to run it by Stephanie first to have peace of mind that we got the proper dose, that it's safe, etc. I sent Steph a picture and asked questions. Matt called and got her advice and opinion. And even though I know Steph was probably trying to go to sleep, she answered my questions. She assured me that it was the perfect dose for him and gave me the confidence I needed. I do not deserve her. 

     Today was a day for love. Matt and I have been a bit distant because of the busy week. Here's how I know he loves me: 

1. He kisses me when he sees me. 

2. He smiles at me when he sees me. 

3. He doesn't get mad when I'm freaking out about things. He calmly tries to help me. 

4. He does the dishes for me. 

5. He watches sports downstairs so I can watch Everybody Loves Raymond in bed. Matt always lets me have the remote even when he's in bed. That's the definition of love: giving your partner complete control of the remote all the time. I do not deserve him. 

     God is good. He blessed me with people that I do not deserve. I am so thankful. 

My lavender is starting to grow.

April 28, 2021

Day 1,635

Today, I am thankful for these things: 

1. My comfortable car and the cold, cold air conditioning. 

2. Frogs and cicadas singing to each other in the evenings in the woods. 

3. The sound of a hawk in the woods. 

4. The fullness and the very green of the woods right now. 

5. The feeling of sitting still and quiet in my bed. 

6. A quick cat nap on the couch after dinner. 

7. My sister's birthday is tomorrow. 

8. Kids making birthday cards. 

9. Matt brought home pizza for dinner. 

10. Matt did the dishes today. 

11. Matt hugged me today. 

12. Tobin was happy to see me when I came home. 

13. Higbee was happy to see me when I came home. 

14. A simple dinner of toast, tomato, and feta cheese. 

15. Time to crochet. 

16. Plans to get up early to get my sister a Chick-fil-a breakfast meal for her birthday tomorrow. 

17. Time to water the plants on the deck. 

18. My lavender is starting to grow. 

19. The fullness and the very green of the forest right now. 

20. The sound of a hawk in the forest. 

21. Time to watch Everybody Loves Raymond. 

22. Music. I like songs that you can really sing along with. Out loud. At the top of your lungs. While driving in the car. 

23. My students having fun this week. They are all asking me to play with them, and I'm happy to sit with them and and play board games during this week of IOWA testing. 

Familiar and comforting.

April 27, 2021

Day 1,634

     This has been a day. Even so, I am thankful. There is always way more to be thankful about than there is to be upset about. So tonight, I am thankful for: 

1. The feeling of coming home after a long day. 

2. I have food to cook my family. 

3. I have the sweetest family. They love me even when I'm unlovable. 

4. Adelyn. She's fiesty and sweet at the same time. A good combination, I think. I'm thankful for her. She makes me smile. 

5. Hugs from Tobin. 

6. Hugs from Matt. 

7. Dog hugs and kisses from Higbee. 

8. Our crunchy gravel driveway. 

9. Tomorrow is Wednesday. The week will be halfway over tomorrow. 

10. I have new yarn for a new project that I have to finish in a month. I love a challenge. 

11. Today was a good day at school. It's testing week, so after testing, I am able to just let my kids play. It's awesome to play with them and watch them have fun and talk and relax. 

12. Essential oils. They help me when I need to calm down and relax. 

13. Everybody Loves Raymond. It's familiar and comforting. I like things are familiar. 

     Thankful for good things and nice things and lovely things on this hard day. Thankful for things to be thankful for. Thankful for this exercise in thankfulness. It changes me. 

Spaghetti Dinner

April 26, 2021

Day 1,633

     Today was a Monday. It felt tired and sloppy and bulky and awkward. Strange things happened. But here's how it ended: 

1. I got some new yarn to make a birthday present for my friend. I'm excited to start making the blanket!

2. We went to Wegman's to get a few things. I'm always happy to buy my children a pretty frosted cookie from Wegman's. They are always so excited to pick one out. 

3. We had dinner with Steph, Mario, and Matt's mom at their house. Mom made spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread. It was delicious! We also had a lovely dessert. I'm very thankful for Matt's mama. She's an amazing woman, and I'm glad to call her: mom. I'm thankful for Steph and Mario. 

4. It was cool outside today. 

5. I got to lay in bed with Tobin for a few minutes and say prayers and watch him while he rested. He was very tired today. 

6. I got ice cream for my students to have tomorrow. 

7. There is a tiny baby bunny that nibbles on grass and clover in our yard every night. It's very small and a brownish gray. I think he lives under our deck. It makes me happy to see him nibbling in the yard every evening. 

8. A clean kitchen. 

9. I get to have lunch with my friend tomorrow. 

10. Everybody Loves Raymond. I know I mention this almost every night, but I love it. It makes me feel like I'm visiting an old friend whenever I put it on. It keeps me company while I work in the kitchen. 

Good Sunday.

April 25, 2021

Day 1,632

     It was a good Sunday. Matt and I visited our friends, Jen and Jason. Their baby girl just turned one, and she's a little angel. It was fun to see a beautiful blue eyed baby. It was good to see our friends. Talking with friends over coffee on Sundays is a good thing. 

     Matt and I got lunch at Bozzelli's Deli. That's an old favorite of ours. It was delicious as always. Sitting with Matt for a lunch at Bozzelli's was a special treat. I love to be with him. 

      We sat with Patty for a bit while the kids played outside. Matt and I played one of our favorite games with Odette: I found a baby! First, I pick up Odette and yell to Matt: "Hey, I found a baby! We've been needing a baby! Want to bring her home?" Then Matt says: "Okay, yeah...let's go home. Let's bring our new baby!" Then Odette tries to run away. It's great fun. 

     We visited Steph, Mario, and Matt's mom. We talked a long time. We had tacos. We laughed. We looked at books and art and grown up things like big mirrors and paint colors. 

     I went grocery shopping at Wegman's before we came home. I'm thankful I can buy all the delicious things I need. 

     Thankful for a lovely Sunday. 

Odette's Fourth Birthday

April 24, 2021

Day 1,631

     Thankful for a little girl named, Odette. Thankful for her sweet smile and her amazing personality. Thankful for a lovely meal. For cake and ice cream. For time with family. Thankful for a lovely Saturday. Thankful for the extra time I got to spend with my grandmother this morning. Thankful for the smiles, the laughs, and the happiness of today.