I'm exhausted.

Project 365 * 4
Day 497

     I had a great day today. The kids had a great day. I don't quite know why, but I'm exhausted. We've been busy the past week or so. But straight up, I've been dreaming of bedtime since this morning. And even though there are a million other things to be thankful for right now, I can't lie. At this moment, as I write, I am most thankful that as soon as I'm done here, I get to go sleep in my bed all night long. Hours and hours and hours of sleep. Gonna get my Dr. Quinn on. Gonna get my It's Always Sunny on. Gonna get a cup of tea. And a little bowl of sunflower seeds. And it's going to be lovely.

     Thankful for a very fine day with my babies. Thankful for an entire night just for sleeping.

Mother's Day. Fatima. Helping other moms at the playground.

Project 365 * 4
Day 496

Mother's Day

     It was a busy day, but a very fun one. We had Sue, Steph, Mario, and Mario's parents, Fatima and Jeff, over for dinner. The kids were so happy to see everyone, and it was awesome to catch up and spend some time with the ones we love. I'm so blessed to have so many wonderful mothers in my life. And I'm honored, truly honored, to be called a mother myself. It is the greatest blessing in my life. The greatest gift I've ever received. The gift of my children. I am constantly learning from them. I'm constantly growing because of them. And I'm never in need of love, hugs, kisses, or cuddles. Thankful for a beautiful day with them.

52 People I Love

     I love Fatima. She is truly an awesome woman. She is always giving gifts. At Christmas time, there is always a gift for Matt and I, and for our kids from Fatima and Jeff. She never forgets us. She loves her family. And because Mario is Steph's husband, that makes us family. I loved watching her play with Adelyn and Tobin today. I especially loved watching Fatima and Addy color together. I wish I had it on video. So cute! I just love Fatima as a person. She's sweet. She's giving. She's caring. And best of all, we understand each other. She loves dull, dreary, rainy days just like I do. She loves the cold and despises the heat just like I do. It's always nice to have someone who understands the way I feel about the rain, the cold, and the heat. And today, she brought little mother's day gifts for me. A beautiful hydrangea to plant, and some little treats from Brazil and Trader Joe's. I just love Fatima's sweet heart. I love her gentle spirit. I'm blessed to call her family. I'm blessed just to know her.

52 Kind Things

     Being a stay at home mom can be lonely. I know that whenever there's a day I can't hang out with Patty, I can't stop talking when Matt comes home. So, this week, I made it a point to really talk to other moms at the playground. I asked them questions. I listened to their stories. I helped them. Especially the moms with more than one kid. I know how hard it can be when one kid wants to do one thing, and the other wants to do another thing. It almost always ends in a tantrum from the one kid who didn't get to do their thing. If a mom was helping their kid go down the slide, I would say, "oh, I can do it," as they were rushing over to give their other kid a push on the swing. Also, whenever a kid didn't want to give up their swing  to let one of my children swing, I just distracted my kids with other things. I've been there before...at the playground with both of my kids in the swings, some family comes up with a baby, and I ask Addy if she will give the baby a turn in the swing. Addy screams, "NOOOOOOOOOO!" I try to get Tobin out to give the baby a turn. Screams, kicks, and punches. A battle ensues. I never win. And neither do my kids. I am usually doing the walk of shame back to my house with both my kids kicking and screaming the whole way home. I've been there, mom at the playground. Oh, I've been there. This week, if the swings were occupied by happily swinging children, and my kids wanted to swing, I improvised. We used the big kid swings. We played chase. We played kitchen using wood chips and dirt. It was exhausting. But I did it. Little acts of kindness sometimes go the longest way. I'm hoping my small, little acts of kindness helped a few other fellow moms this week.

     Thankful for a wonderful weekend. Thankful for an awesome Mother's Day. Thankful for my awesome gift from Matt and the kids. A special cloth that always stays cold. For me, it is the equivalent of Matt giving me solid bars of gold for Mother's Day. A cloth that always stays cold. Always!?! I've been using it all day, and I freaking love it! Thankful to have mothers to celebrate. Thankful to be a mother. Thankful for Fatima and her kind heart. Thankful for the opportunity to be kind at the playground this week. Thankful for my beautiful children. Thankful for a very fine day. Thankful that I now get to go lay in bed and watch Dr. Quinn, or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Thankful for so, so many things to be thankful for.

Roxy was cuddling with some of Addy's babies, and when Addy snatched them away, I told her that it wasn't very nice of her to treat Roxy that way. I'm guessing she started feeling guilty about it, because this is how we found Roxy in the kitchen. Adelyn said, "I made Roxy real comfortable." 

Perfect Timing. Family Days. Naps.

Project 365 * 4
Day 495

     Thankful for...

...perfect timing. Like this morning. I took the kids on a long walk, and then to the playground. We came home just as it started to rain. Also, I was super proud of myself for going out with the kids in the first place. The forecast was calling for thunderstorms. And it was pretty cloudy out, with some dark clouds off in the distance. I checked my handy radar and lightning tracker app, and saw that it was perfectly safe to go out. So I did. In the past, I would have stayed home just in case. I'm pretty awesome these days! :)

...fun family days. We spent our afternoon at Patty's visiting with family. It was loud, as usual. But fun. We did some special artwork with the kids. We had a lovely dinner. We exchanged cards and little gifts for Mother's Day. Family time is always a good time.

...naps before bedtime. I put the kids to bed, and then laid down in my bed just for a second. That second turned into a couple of hours. I woke up because I was hot. Like always. Then I came down to write this blog post. As soon as I'm done here, I'm going to back to bed. I love to sleep. Recently, I saw this shirt that read, "Dear Naps, I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you when I was a kid." Uh. Yeah. Totally agree.

     Thankful for a fine morning with my children. Thankful for a fun afternoon with family. Thankful for this silent night. I'm ready to get my sleep on.

Skinned Knees. Ice Cream. Thriller.

Project 365 * 4
Day 494

     Tonight, I'm thankful for...

long, leisurely breakfasts.

cuddle sessions with my husband and babies.

long walks.

skinned knees. (Not because my boy got hurt, but because a skinned knee means I can hold him, comfort him, and make it all better. And it means that he's growing up. Babies don't have skinned knees. Little boys do. Tobin becoming more and more of a little boy is both exciting and sad.

watermelon.

iced americanos made with cubano shots. Best. Thing. Ever.

burgers and hot dogs on the grill. Also, bacon.

having the kitchen and toys cleaned up before 6:30 pm.

ice cream dates with our sweet little ones. Such excitement. Such sticky kisses afterwards.

youtube. (I may or may not be teaching myself how to dance to, "Thriller," in my spare time in the basement.)

     Thankful for a very fine day with the ones I love.

2

Project 365 * 4
Day 493

1. Adelyn picked out a super fancy dress to wear to school today. And I was like, why not? Why shouldn't she dress up super fancy if she wants to? Sometimes, one just needs to be fancy. It made me smile.

2. I love the way Tobin talks to me. It goes like this: "Mama, lkjasdfqwerpoiutyzxzxcmncxdjadfjief! Mama! Afjadkjoiuerythvnzmvwtujhiuiuyytrszkihhvgfdtde!" I could listen to him talk for hours. Truly. And I could cuddle him for hours. I know I've said this countless time, but he seriously gives the best hugs. My arms always feel full with him around.

     Thankful for fancy dresses worn on random Thursdays. Thankful that Tobin says, "Mama." Thankful for his garble-y language. It means he is still my baby boy.

   

Adelyn washed her face in the toilet tonight, and it changed my life.

Project 365 * 4
Day 492

     Here's the scene: I was sitting on the couch, "relaxing," after dinner. Tobin was playing with some toys, and Addy was in the bathroom. I was flipping through my phone. Zoning out. "Relaxing." I heard water dripping and sloshing around in the bathroom, so I got up, and opened the door to find Miss Adelyn Bailey using the toilet bowl like a wash basin. She had the hand towel completely soaked with toilet water, and she was using that towel and water to wash her face and hair. There was also toilet water splashed on the walls and floor. Of course, I freaked out. I yelled, "Adelyn, what are you doing?!" And I rushed her out of the bathroom, and upstairs to the tub. Once the kids were in the tub, I asked Addy as I washed her, "what were you doing?" Her answer? "I don't know."

     I felt the hot sting of shame come over me as I stared into her bright, blue eyes. My sweet girl was probably imagining she was a beautiful princess. Washing her face off in the morning as the birds chirped and she swayed to and fro in a glowing gown. I came into the bathroom, and killed her imagination with my loud voice and my logical thinking. I see her playing in toilet water, and I think, "poop!" She plays in toilet water, and she thinks, "princess." Now, of course, I know one cannot allow their child to play in toilet water. I had to correct her. But the problem was, I didn't correct her. I yelled. And I embarrassed her.

     As I rinsed the soap off her body, I asked her to forgive me for yelling. I hugged and kissed her. And she forgave me. But that toilet water did more than just prompt us to have an early bath time. It made me realize something. If I hadn't been "relaxing," on my phone, I might have had the inclination to go into the bathroom and check on her. She had been in there longer than it takes to simply wash her hands after dinner. And if I hadn't been interrupted from my "relaxation," then I might not have yelled at her.

     I'm done with my phone. Done with a capital D! I'm not on my phone all the time. I'm not. I try to be good about it. But, is there any reason at all for me to be on Facebook after dinner? Relaxing? Reading about ________'s candy crush score? Reading about _________'s trip to the grocery store? What am I doing with my time?!? This is likely the last couple of months that I will spend as a stay at home mom in my life. Why am I spending that precious time scrolling through status updates of people I haven't talked to in months? Years, even? If someone calls me...of course, I'll answer. If someone messages me...of course, I'll message them back. But there's a difference between using my phone to contact people, and using it to be lazy. And I will not use it to be lazy anymore.

     I'm so thankful Adelyn washed her face in our toilet tonight. It taught me a valuable lesson. I have to be better. For her. For Tobin. For me. Big life changes are in the works, and I'm super excited about it. I'm ready for it. I'm ready for tomorrow. A fresh start. A second chance. A chance to be different the next time one of my children does something very childlike, and decides to bathe themselves in the toilet.

     Thankful for my sweet Addy girl. Thankful for her amazing heart. Thankful that she's so quick to forgive. Thankful for second chances and new days. Thankful for the opportunity to change. Thankful that it's never too late to be better.

My Loves

Project 365 * 4
Day 491

     Thankful for Adelyn. Thankful for Tobin. Thankful for Casey. Thankful for Sophia. Thankful for four of the most beautiful children I've ever seen to hug, and kiss, and love everyday. Thankful for all they teach me. Sometimes, I just have to pinch myself. Not many people get everything they've ever dreamed of. I have. Feeling overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness tonight.