Holding Tobin.

Project 365 * 4
Day 507

     I'm not going to lie... At first, when I heard his cries, I was put out. I had a lot to do. I still have a lot to do. But when I went up to hold Tobin for the third time since I put him to bed tonight, I put my to do list out of my mind. I sat with Tobin. I held him. I rocked him. I tickled his sweet face. He fell asleep in my arms, and it made me feel two ways. One, it made me miss the days when he was a baby. He fell asleep in my arms multiple times a day. And two, it made me realize that there is no to do list more important than being there for my children when they need me. Tonight, for whatever reason, Tobin needed some extra snuggles. And that is perfectly okay with me.

     Thankful for Tobin. Thankful for the extra time to hold him, and hug him, and kiss his little cheeks. Thankful for the extra time to do nothing but stare at his face. It's perfect.

Dirty Windows.

Project 365 * 4
Day 506

     Thankful today and everyday for things like dirty windows. Windows covered in sticky, peanut butter puff cereal hand prints. Thankful for things like empty toilet paper rolls because all the paper has been rolled off into one big pile on the floor. And then slowly dissected piece by piece resulting in a million little balls to pick up. Thankful for babies and stuffed animals set up, just so, on the window sill. Thankful for sticky lolly-pop kisses. Thankful for rooms completely destroyed and torn apart by furiously fast little hands. As I'm picking up one mess, they're making another. Thankful for expensive hand soap that doesn't last more than two days because it's just so fun to pump. Thankful for blue eyes. Thankful for blue eyes with tears in them. They make for very salty kisses. Thankful I get to clean the kitchen at least three times a day. And even though I clean it, there is somehow always, always, sunflower seeds everywhere. Sunflower seeds are a staple in our home. Thankful for cups I find hidden under the sofa that have been missing for a few days. With milk in them. Thankful that our house will always look just a little bit messy. It's lived in. Thankful that the floor of my bedroom is constantly, no lie, constantly filled with giant piles of laundry. Mt. Laundry, I like to call it. And much like Mt. Everest, I will never conquer it. Thankful for tiny toothbrushes. I love the way the bristles are all splayed open. Thankful most of all for two little people named Adelyn and Tobin. Who came into my life and turned it upside down. Made it messy. Made it loud. Made it busy. And better than anything I ever could have imagined.

People I can count on no matter what.

Project 365 * 4
Day 505

     I am seriously, blessed. I am surrounded by people who love me so much, that I can count on them no matter what.

     Like my dad. Who has been working on our vehicle since this past Saturday. This past Saturday that was absolutely gorgeous. And Sunday. And Monday. And today. And right now as I write. He has spent these last few beautiful days working underneath our vehicle.

     Like Matt's mom. Who at the last minute came over to watch Adelyn and Tobin for us, so Matt could go help my dad with the car, and so that I could go to my cousin's baby shower. With a broken foot.

     Like my mom. Who is constantly giving us the things we need. Vitamins. Clothes. Things for the kids. Oh yeah, and with her paycheck, she pays for Addy to go to preschool.

     Like my sister. Who, not more than twenty minutes ago, drove to CVS, bought medicine for my kid, and dropped it off to me.

     And that's just four people. I could never make a complete list. It's just too long. And it would never be complete. Because everyday, there are people who love me, doing things for me. Now that's a thing to be thankful for.

Fall Like Mornings.

Project 365 * 4
Day 504

     I love stepping out the front door in the morning, and feeling cold air hit my skin. I love cool, breezy mornings. It reminds me of fall. And I love fall. I even spotted some red leaves on our walk this morning. Red leaves are the best leaves. Even though the glow of the green leaves has been especially beautiful this spring.

     Thankful for brisk mornings. They make me feel alive.

Booooop!

Project 365 * 4
Day 503

52 Kind Things

     The kids and I were hanging out in my mom's classroom this week after school. The kids were playing, and my mom and I were talking. My mom's assistant mentioned to her grandson, who was playing with Addy and Casey, that she had to sweep the floor before they could go. So, I swept the floor for her. I really didn't want to, but I knew when I heard her say she had to sweep, that I should do it for her. Sometimes, being kind is all about doing something you really don't want to do.

52 People I Love

     This week, I've been thinking about my Aunt Janet. And how much I love her. She is the kind of person that lights up a room when she comes in. She has the best laugh. Literally. It's the kind of laugh that is both contagious and pleasing to hear. It's like, butter on a hot piece of bread, pleasing. Her laugh warms you that way. One of my favorite Aunt Janet memories is when she took Patty and I on a road trip. We laughed the whole time. Especially after our stop at a fast food restaurant. We were going through the drive through, and it was taking a little longer than usual. We were stopped at the window, which was open, waiting for our food. We could hear everything going on inside. Machines beeping, buzzers going off, people hurrying about. But it was one machine in particular that caught our attention. A machine that went like this, "booooop." My aunt had been waiting to hand off her card to pay for our food for some time when the cashier walked by. She said this to get her attention, "booooop!" She said it just like the machine. We all laughed so hard. We were like, "did you just say, booooop, to get that woman's attention?!?" To this day when Patty and I see her, we say, "booooop."

     A short time after I lost River, I remember my aunt calling me. I feel like the weeks following River's death are kind of fuzzy. I remember some things, but other things I can't recall. But I do remember that phone call. I was giving Addy a bath when she called to let me know how much she loved me, and that she was thinking about me. And I remember it meaning a lot to me. It meant a lot because when people were silent following River's death, it hurt me so badly. I found the silence of others, the quiet brushing over of the most devastating event of my life, to be the most maddening of all the reactions I got from people. But my aunt wasn't silent. She called. She let me cry. She let me talk. It's funny the little things we remember in life. Little things like a phone call during a hard time. Or a, "booooop," at a drive through window. But I think the little things are the stuff of life. Thankful to have such a sweet lady to call my aunt.

     Thankful for a very fine day. Thankful that I was able to see my cousin, Lauren, today at her baby shower. She is such a beautiful pregnant woman. Thankful to have been able to touch her belly, and celebrate her new little one coming. Thankful that I was able to spend so much time with my mom the past two days. I absolutely love spending time with my mom. She's the best. I loved spending time in the car with my mom and my sister. Talking. Listening to music. It didn't matter that we sat in traffic. I just considered it extra time spent with my best friends. Thankful for my Aunt Janet. Thankful for the little things in life. Little things matter the most.

List of things to be thankful for at 2 am.

Project 365 * 4
Day 502

     Thankful for a beautiful day spent outside, gorgeous weather, time spent with my parents and Shane, time spent talking with my mom, time spent with my sweet babies, trees, green grass, swings hung from trees, dogs, and bedtime.

Reasons why this Friday was a very good one.

Project 365 * 4
Day 501

1. Matt was off.

2. We visited with a good friend in the morning. It's always so good to visit with friends and talk over an iced coffee. Especially on glorious mornings like this morning was. Cool. Breezy. Puffy white clouds. The very definition of glorious.

3. We spent time together as a family. Walking. Playing at the playground. Any time spent with my family is a good time.

4. Matt and I were laying in bed this morning when he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date tonight. I loved the way he asked me. It made me smile. We went out for a lovely dinner, and the plan was to go see a movie afterwards. The thing is, I get super achy at the movies. Especially late at night. I asked Matt if he wouldn't mind dropping me off at home, and spending the rest of our date night with AJ. And my sweet husband said, "you know...I've come to realize that going to the movies isn't really a date...you just sit there in silence." So he dropped me off, and here I am. I am continually amazed and blown away by my man. And I become more and more thankful for him as the years go on.

     Thankful for a very good Friday.