14 Days Left

14 Days Left

     Had a revelation.

     I'm scared of having a c-section for 4 reasons. 1. Went in to have Adelyn, and something went terribly wrong. We both made it through, but it was the most terrifying experience I've ever had. 2. We lost River. That was the hardest thing I've ever experienced. Giving birth to a child who won't make it. 3. The unknown. I have no idea what will happen. I don't know the future. Doubts, fears, and questions constantly bombard my thoughts. 4. It's normal to be nervous. Women who have 5 kids still get nervous. It's a big thing. To birth a child.

     Today, when I was pulling into my neighborhood from hanging out with Patty and Casey, this scene popped in my head from the movie Apollo 13:

     It is toward the end of the movie. NASA is waiting for Apollo 13 to return to earth. The NASA director is talking to another man. They are talking about everything that can go wrong. Catastrophe after catastrophe. That's all they're thinking about. The director says to the man, "This will be the worst disaster NASA's ever faced." Then, this other man who has been listening in, and who has been doing everything in his power to get the astronauts back home, chimes in with this: "With all due respect, sir, I believe this is going to be our finest hour."

     I'm scared. I'm nervous. Probably won't stop being nervous. But, I believe...on the 15th...it's going to be my finest hour. Because I'm going to try my very best to be brave and courageous. And because the payoff for the longest 39 weeks of my life will be my son. My Tobin.