100. 1.

     It started out as 30. Then 60. Then 90. And then I thought...go for it. If I can do 90, I can do 100. 100 posts. 100 things that make me smile. 100 things that I am thankful for. 100 things that I don't deserve, but yet, have been given to me anyways.

     It has been a roller coaster the past few months (more info to come), and I haven't been able to focus on writing like I have wanted to. My Dad suggested that I write through it. He said that I'm an amazing writer (he biased, of course), and that I should write as a way of working through things. I haven't taken his advice until today. But he was right to suggest that I write. Because I already feel like I can breathe a bit deeper. The air feels a bit crisper. There are so many things I want to say that I fear my fingers won't be able to type fast enough.

     There may be days where my post of thankfulness/happiness/joy/gifts/blessings in my life is not as detailed as I would like it to be. My plan is to write during my daughter's nap time. But, as she proved yesterday...I make plans, but sometimes her plans are different than mine. She wanted me to "hold you," (translation: hold her) for about an hour. I realized she needed time with me more than a nap at that point. She fell asleep at dinner instead.

     I am aiming to replace all the negative obsessive-compulsive thoughts with my 100 posts. I want to dwell on whatever is good. Whatever is pure. Whatever is lovely. I want to teach my brain a lesson. I have been given so much in this life. I have everything I have ever wanted. And yet...I still find reasons to fear.

     I am so excited about this journey. Seriously...never thought I'd say this, but...I'm gonna kick my brain's ass. Fact. So...in no order of importance, I give you: 100 posts.

Number 1: Eyesight

     I want these 100 posts to be mostly positive. Without going into too much detail...I thought for a while I was going blind. About a month or so. It was scary. And exhausting. A dark spot in the past few months. Honestly, I know my sister was instrumental in bringing me out of my panic. She helped me laugh. She talked me through it. She listened. Countless times a day. I'm sure it was exhausting for her as well. 

     Now that I'm through it, I got to thinking about what I see. What I am blessed to see:

Adelyn. My beautiful, amazing, sweet, Adelyn. Her smile could melt ice. The blue of her eyes. Her beautiful blond hair that reminds me of butter. The way her fingers look holding my hand. Her toes. The way she looks when she is sleeping. The mess she makes eating a meal. The look on her face when she calls my name, "Mama!" Her toys all over the house. The way our home has transformed. There isn't one room that doesn't have a bit of Adelyn in it. Her fingerprint on it. The way my husband looks at our daughter. The way he plays with her. Kisses her. The way he looks at me. The way his lips look when they are going in to kiss mine. The shape of his hands. The arch of his feet. The way he smiles at me. Casey's birthmark. The color of his eyes...like beautiful marbles. His toes. The way he gives a fish kiss. The way he holds Addy's hand. The way he runs. The way he looked as newborn. The way he eats. Especially cake, or chocolate, or something sweet.

My sister's beauty. My mother's beauty. Her nails, and her hands. My Dad's hands. His fingernails. His four freckles under his one eye. Shane. His hair. The way he looked in his wrestling uniform. The first time I saw him. The way he looked on our couch sitting on Patty's baby blanket, when he was a baby. With the blue balloons all around him. The rocking horse he had in his room. They way he would climb into his changing table. My sister on her prom night. Wedding pictures of my parents. Pictures of A.J. as a kid. Seeing A.J. kiss Adelyn. Seeing him hold Casey. Watching him rock Casey when he's crying. My Mom's feet. She has beautiful feet. They make a perfect impression in sand at the beach. Pictures of my Dad with long hair. Watching my Dad cook. Steph's curly hair. The way she looks when she's driving. Seeing Mario for the first time. His long hair. Watching Matt walk Steph down the aisle at her wedding. Watching Sue dance. The way she walks on the beach. The way Bill walked. His hair. The way he looked on our canoe trip. The way Jen dances with her hands. She points a finger. The way she looked leaping across the beach in South Carolina.

The beach. Sunsets. Sunrises. Trees. Especially my favorite trees. Our old cherry tree on China Grove. The pink of the blossoms were so beautiful. The tree by the graveyard. Our cherry tree here on Rogue Forest. The way the water looks at the pool during break. And when there is 50 kids in the water. Butterflies. Hawks. River's feet. Roxy. The way her fur is turning gray under her mouth. Greenie, and the way he wiggles. Goose's head. Duke's eyes. He looks like a friendly lion. Dixie. Watching her give birth to 10 puppies. Watching her lick them after they came out. Skipper. The beauty mark on the end of his nose. Walking into my room and seeing the books he had just chewed up. The way he dug the sand at the beach. The blue of the sky. The way it looks after a storm. Rainy days. Fall leaves. 

Thankful I was able to see all these things. Thankful that I will see many more amazing things in my lifetime.