Today was lovely. Today was hard.

June 23, 2017
Day 266

     Today was lovely. Patty and I had a coffee while the kids climbed trees and collected roly poly bugs and observed ants collecting large crumbs of blueberry muffins that our kids dropped. I fixed up our backyard with flowers and new mulch. It looks pretty. Adelyn, Tobin, and I went for a walk in the rain in our bare feet. It feels so good to walk outside in bare feet in the summertime. Especially on warm grass that has just been rained on. We went to the library at my children's request, but it was closed. Tobin was especially upset about the library being closed. He is working on reading 1,000 books before Kindergarten. He's filled up one paper of 100 books, and he wants to get the next one. He was very disappointed. We shopped at Wegman's. We read books. We cuddled. We rested. We loved. It was a good day, and I'm very thankful I had it to enjoy.

     Today was hard. My mind threatened to slip away from me into fear and doubt and panic. I have no idea why. I go through periods of time where I have to try hard to stay focused on whatever is good and lovely. Sometimes, I want to give in and give up because it's exhausting to try and keep your head above the water when you're drowning. But when I feel like it might be easier to give up, I look at Adelyn and Tobin. And then I know that I can't ever give up.

     I just recently read, Out of the Silent Planet, by C.S. Lewis. There is a part where the main character, Ransom, is having a conversation with a creature he befriended on another planet. Ransom is asking the creature questions about another dangerous creature that lives in the water there. Ransom is asking his friend if they are afraid because of this evil beast that lurks in the water. The friend replies with something profound:

"I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes."

     I think the same can be true of anxiety. It is a horrible beast that lurks in the water. When it shows up, I'm afraid. But, would time be so valuable or happy days so wonderful if there wasn't danger in the water?

     Thankful for perspective. Thankful for peaceful moments. Thankful for people worth fighting the anxiety beast for. Thankful for bright spots during a hard day. Thankful that tomorrow is new and fresh. Thankful for Adelyn and Tobin. Thankful for Matt. For my family. For Patty. For dogs. For sparrows. For blue sky. For rain. For flowers. For things to be thankful for.