Good. Right. Bright. Vibrant.

October 20, 2022

Day 2,193

     I'm writing and erasing. Writing and erasing. Words aren't coming easily these days. Right now, it feels like a foggy veil covers my mind and prevents me from really truly feeling, seeing, doing, and experiencing. I know what the foggy veil is. It is distraction, and it comes in the form of anxiety and depression. I've been here before. This is no new street for me. 

     I know the cure. I used it before. Thankfulness. It is the shift of perspective that takes me from foggy veil to the brightest and most vibrant light I've ever seen or known or felt. 

     Instead of focusing on what isn't right, I must focus on what is. Instead of focusing on what isn't good, I must focus on what is. 

     Here is the good, the right, the brightest, and some of the most vibrant things I know right now: 

1. I do not deserve the gifts of my family. They are each one of them all together too perfect and wonderful for the likes of me. I don't deserve their love. But they love me. I'm overwhelmed by this knowledge. 

2. I get to live in my dream home with my family. I didn't do anything to deserve it. Again, it is all together too perfect and wonderful a gift for someone like me. 

3. Fall is here and winter is coming. This is grand and glorious news because it is cold, because the sunrises and sunsets are incredible this time of year, and the light is always brilliant when it shines. Not a harsh, hot light, but a bright and vibrant light that seems to brings life to everything it touches. 

4. I get to work at my job. I get to work with awesome kids all day. I get to read to them. I get to watch them play. I get to work in the place where I want to work. 

5. I have everything I need to be healthy, safe, and comfortable and then some. Sometimes, I take for granted that I can turn on a faucet and have clean drinking water any time I want it. 

6. I have the sweetest dog ever. Sometimes, I just look in his big brown eyes and talk to him. He also listens very intently. He turns his head from side to side like he understands. Maybe he does. 

7. I have air in my lungs. I can walk and run. I can dance. I can move my body. I can see and hear and taste and touch and smell things. I'm very thankful for the smell of lavender. 

8. Tobin still calls me, "Mama." Adelyn still says, "I missed you today." 

     Thankful for all the good. Thankful for all the right. Thankful for all the bright stuff. Thankful for all the vibrant things.