It's loud inside my head right now.

June 21, 2021

Day 1,699

     Here's the truth: it's loud inside my head right now. I don't know what to write. Yesterday was hard. Today was hard. I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm failing at my marriage, at mothering, at schooling my children during the summer, at spending quality time with my children, at working out, at eating right, at losing weight, at not wasting time, at being a good dog mom to Higbee, at accomplishing anything that's worth writing about, at staying strong and not giving into anxious thoughts...

     The list is long. I could keep writing failures. 

     I feel messy right now. Nothing feels in order. Nothing feels in place. Nothing feels right. Nothing feels genuine. 

     But there's tomorrow. 

     It's easy to make fun of the people who say, "I'll start tomorrow." They get pegged as the people who put off what can be done today for tomorrow. But I don't think so. I think the promise of tomorrow brings something that every person needs more often than they think they need it: a blank slate. A new day. A tomorrow that is wide open for something good. 

     Today may be messy, but the night is the reset. I sleep, and when I wake, there's a new, fresh day just waiting to be had. I think the people who say, "I'll start tomorrow," are full of hope. They are full of hope for a new day and a fresh start and a clean slate and a chance to try again. 

     So, I'm thankful for the reset of sleep. I'm thankful for the hope of a new, fresh day tomorrow.