3,285 Days of Marriage.

Project 365 * 4
Day 671

     Oh, sweet November 5th. The day I walked down the aisle and became a wife to the man I love. I never expected that nine years later, I would be more in love with my husband than I was on the day I married him. In all honesty, the love we shared on our wedding day pales in comparison to the love we share now. We have truly been through it all together. Good times. Bad times. Very good times. Very bad times. We've had many joys. And many sorrows. But all of it led to this day. This moment nine years later. How did we celebrate nine years? Matt worked. I worked. Matt visited his mom in the hospital. I made dinner. Cleaned it up. Prepared things for tomorrow. We bathed our kids. We read to them. We played with them. I held Tobin and sang to him. Matt held Tobin. (He's not quite sure how to get to sleep anymore without his pacifiers. He stays awake for a long time after we put him to bed.) Matt and I exchanged cards. One store bought. One homemade. And one lone gift. Some chocolates. Money is tight right now, and we just don't have the funds to buy gifts for each other. But after nine years, you learn that it isn't about gifts. It isn't about cards. It isn't about date nights. It's about time. It's about nights like this. When we go about our business as usual, exchanging hugs and kisses when we can. Stealing away a few minutes to talk when the kids are quiet. It's about the other 364 days of the year. The regular Mondays. The same old, same old Thursdays. It's about who we are, and how we love on all those ordinary days. Ordinary days are important. The most important, I feel. The way we live them is who we really are. Anyone can buy flowers, and gifts, and have extravagant date nights. Special days are just that. They're special. But they're not always indicative of how we really live. The real test is all the ordinary days. The days where nothing much special is going on. When you make a choice to love someone throughout all those ordinary days, 364 of them, for nine years, you know what you have is real.

     Thankful for my sweet love. Thankful to be able to call my husband best friend, lover, soulmate. Thankful for our nine years of marriage. I've learned a great many things throughout those years, but the most important is this: just love each other. Through it all. In the good. In the bad. Just, love. And by showing love, even when you don't want to, you find that all your prior notions of love and romance just don't compare to the oceans upon oceans upon oceans of love two people can share after 3,285 days of marriage.

He's simply the best. Better than all the rest.

Project 365 * 4
Day 383

     Matt. Whenever I say that word, it almost feels foreign. But for the best reason. Matt and I don't call each other by our real names. We prefer, "honey," "sweetie," "baby," "babe," "love." Matt also likes to call me, "fanny apple smith." He likes to call me that as he smacks my butt for what might be the 200th time that particular day. Oh, my husband. He's so silly. Like just now, he asked me what I was going to write about tonight, and I said him. I said, "you're going to be my third person of the fifty-two people I'm going to write about." He said, "third, huh? I'm in third place?" How could my man think he was in third place?

     He is literally the sweetest man. He loves us all so intensely. He works two jobs for us. And all the money he makes from those two jobs, goes to us. He doesn't spend anything on himself. On his days off, he is here. At home. With his family. He does dishes. He folds clothes. He vacuums. He plays with our kids. He reads to them. He wrestles with them. He is the definition of a family man. Our family is everything to him. We are his entire life. And it shows.

     Last night, Matt, my mom, and I met with a woman that has been observing Addy and working with her at school. It was an awesome meeting. So many questions answered. To make an extremely long story short, Adelyn has sensory processing disorder. And it makes our days difficult around here sometimes. Simple things like zipping up her coat can send her into the worst kind of breakdown/tantrum/fit of rage that I've ever seen. I could go on and on about all that, but here's the part I really like. We left the meeting after two hours with tons of information. We were all super excited to implement some of things we had learned. So after breakfast this morning, Matt went shopping. He came back with tons of stuff that we need for Addy to help her with all this sensory stuff. An exercise ball. Fidgets for her hands when she's upset, frustrated, mad, or just whenever. Boxes for under her bed. We spent the morning putting her entire closet into boxes under her bed so we could turn her closet into a special space for her. She loves being in her closet. She's always hiding out in there. So we took everything out of it, and turned it into a cozy nook for her. Just for her. She has blankets in there. Fuzzy pillows. Glow in the dark stars. And her box of fidgets. She's decided to call it, "Addy's special place."

     Leaving that meeting last night, I knew we wouldn't have to wait long to get all the things we needed for Addy. That's just how Matt is. He's the kind of guy who decorates a closet for his daughter. He's the kind of guy that spends his days off shopping for fuzzy pillows and glow in the dark stars. He's the kind of guy that pours everything he is and has into being a husband and father. He loves us. He hugs us. Holds us. Kisses us. Makes us laugh. We would all be so lost without him.

     Thankful for my sweet angel of a husband. He is the greatest man, husband, and father. Thankful he loves me so much. Thankful he can't keep his hands off me. Thankful that he is the most amazing father. I'm thankful he loves our children so deeply. I'm thankful he spends his days off doing things like turning a closet into a special space for our girl. Thankful for the way he loves us. With everything in him. He doesn't hold back. We would be in a world of hurt without him. Of all the men in all the world, he stands alone. No one else even comes close. Third place? Never. Matt is first place. Gold star. Huge trophy. Number 1! The best. Better than all the rest. I'm just so thankful for my love.

Sex and Cookie Bars.

Project 365 * 4
Day 371

     I'll be honest. The past couple of days around here...let's just say, it hasn't been a picnic. Fighting is the worst. It just sucks all the happy out of you. It leaves one feeling fuzzy, blah, and lonely. And that's how Matt and I have been feeling. Fuzzy. Blah. Lonely. Most people say the best part of making up is the make-up sex. And while I agree that make-up sex is awesome, it isn't as good as the making up itself. The affirmations of love for each other. The promises made to be better for each other. The holding. The kissing. The wiping dry of tears. My favorite part? The first joke afterwards. It happens every time. We fight. I cry. Matt holds me. We kiss and make up. And then he tells a joke. Just something to make me laugh. Tonight's joke was, "honey, thanks for not punching me in the face." To which I replied, "would you divorce me if I punched you in the face?" His reply is basically the very definition of who Matt is. He said, "of course not...I love you too much. But I hope I would score some major brownie points for taking a punch to the face...I would milk it for months for sex and cookie bars."

     Thankful tonight for my sweet love. Thankful that he's in it for the long haul. Thankful that he knows how to make everything better. Thankful that I can always count on him. And I'm thankful that I know, without even a shadow of a doubt, that he will never leave me. And that he will always love me. Our love is the kind of love Hollywood makes movies about. Our love is the kind of love writers write poetry about. Our love is the kind of love singers sing love songs about. Know why? Because it has been tested and tried. And our love is true.


   

   

Best. Husband. Ever.

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 360

     I have to make this quick, I've been told. Matt was supposed to be working 24 hours today, but he came home an hour ago. He came in and kissed me and hugged me and told me I looked sexy in my entirely gray outfit. I was wearing black yoga pants, but they got food on them at dinner. Which is how my head to toe gray outfit happened. As he was kissing me, I asked him about his day. I was curious as to why he wanted to come home so badly. He had been texting me all day about coming home. His answer made my heart melt, and furthered his status of: Best. Husband. Ever. He said he just really wanted to come home and spend time with me. He wanted to hug and kiss and cuddle. And watch a movie. And some other stuff I really can't repeat.

     Thankful that the sweetest man alive is my husband.

I don't mind...

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 326

     Tobin says two words really well. Dada and uh-oh. He says mama sometimes, but it isn't as clear. Matt was walking up to the house from his run this evening, and when Tobin spotted him, he excitedly said, "dada," repeatedly and hurried as fast as he could to get to the door. I don't mind that Tobin says dada better than he says mama. I don't mind that after Matt gets home, I'm chopped liver for about an hour.

     Tonight, after I gave the kids a bath, Matt announced he was running out to the store real quick, and gave Addy a kiss goodnight. Matt always reads books to Addy if he's home, and upon hearing that I would be reading books instead, she stomped and screamed, "Noooooooooo, I don't want Mama, I want Dada! I will not, never, ever, never read books with Mama. Only Dada." Of course, Matt didn't go to the store. I don't mind that Addy wanted nothing to do with me tonight.

     I don't mind because it means Matt is an amazing father. Adelyn and Tobin adore him. And he loves them. Deeply. Thankful that my children kick me to the curb when he's around. Thankful that he has a few days off coming up. We all can't wait to spend time with him.

Sweet November.

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 306

     I love November. I love how the word November feels in my mouth. For most couples, February is the big month for all things love and hearts and cupids. And well, actually, it is for us too. We're big into all things love and hearts and cupids. And why not? When you're in love, anytime is a good time for all things love. But for us, November is a big month. November holds our day forever. That day, eight years ago, when I walked down the aisle with my dad. Holding on tight so I wouldn't fall in my white dress. That day when I said, "I do," for forever.

     When I was in high school, I loved this movie called, Sweet November. Loved it. Thought is was the most amazing love story of all time. I watched it again recently and discovered that it sucked. Honestly. Worst movie I've ever seen. Terrible. The thing that struck me about it is this. Had I known then what a real love story looks like, I would have watched about five minutes of Sweet November and realized it was garbage. Real love stories look a lot different. Real love stories take time and work. Real love stories have romantic chapters. And scary ones. Sad ones. Real love stories are never done being told. They are always unfolding.

     For me, November will always be sweet. Sweeter than any movie about love could ever attempt to be. It is the month that contains the day I married my love. I am without words big enough, and good enough, and amazing enough to describe how blessed I am to be Matt's wife. My life with him is wonderful and full of love and affection and smiles and laughter. Our love story is still being written. We write it everyday. It's in every embrace. Every kiss. Every tear. It's in every day we spend together.

     Tonight, and every night, and for all my nights for the rest of my life, and beyond, I am thankful for my love, Matt. I'm thankful for the way he kisses me. Like he's been away at sea for a year, and he's just coming home. I'm thankful for the way he holds me. I'm thankful for the way he takes care of me. I'm thankful for the way he fathers our children. With everything in him. I'm thankful that our love story is still alive and well. Our love is new every day, and yet, it contains a deep history. I'm thankful for sweet November. Not Sweet November. Sweet November. Our sweet November. I'm thankful that our love is tested, and tried, and true. It's the kind of love that sticks forever. November 5th is one of my favorite days with Matt. But, so are the other 364 days.

Texts from my husband.

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 297

     There was a time when his texts didn't mean as much to me. I didn't fully digest every word he wrote to me like I do now. There was a time when I wouldn't text back. Or he wouldn't text back. Those were hard times. Sad and lonely times. I am so thankful those times are over. I am so thankful for my sweet and amazing husband. The man who has stuck it out with me for thirteen years. This November, we will celebrate eight years of marriage. I used to get upset thinking about all those hard times we went through together. But, then I realized three things. One, every marriage goes through hard times. Two, if everything was all hearts and flowers all the time, it wouldn't be a very strong marriage. There has to be hard times. The hard times make you stronger. Three, every great love story faces adversity. I've never heard a great love story that goes like this: Girl meets guy. They fall in love. They live happily ever after forever and ever and ever. The end.

     No. It doesn't go like that. Great love stories are never done being told. Our great love story is still unfolding. And as the years go on, and our love for each other grows deeper and stronger than we ever thought it could, I remain in constant amazement, I remain in a constant state of thankfulness. I hang on every word he says to me. I hang on every word he writes to me. My heart feels full and warm and whole because Matt loves me. I'm his girl. And I love getting love notes in the form of text messages from him all throughout the day. Thankful for Matt. My guy always and forever. Thankful for his texts. They make me smile the kind of smile you smile when you're passing love notes in class behind the teacher's back.

The first time in 13 years!

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 256

     In the 13 years Matt and I have been together, he has never once baked or cooked for me. (He's opened up a can of soup for me every now and then, but can one really call that cooking? No.) So, today was perhaps the biggest surprise I've had in a long while. He went to the store by himself to pick up the ingredients that we didn't have here at home. And he came home, and made the most delicious dessert. From scratch. (Which, in my opinion, is the only way to cook or bake anything.) I loved watching him bake. It was sweet. And it was fun having him in the kitchen. And, bonus! It was gluten free for our girl.

     Thankful for my sweet love. He never ceases to amaze me. I know people use that phrase quite often, but they shouldn't. Because it loses its luster when someone uses it for real. And I am using it for real. He actually, literally, never ceases to amaze me. His love for me. His love for our children. How hard he works. He's an amazing uncle. And brother. And son. Just an amazing man. And he's mine. I may have had to wait 13 years to taste something he's made with his own two hands, but man...it was well worth the wait. He might be in trouble, actually. Because, I'm on to him now. He's got skills he's been hiding away all these years. Faking like he can't bake or cook. Uh-huh. He's on dessert duty for the next couple of family Sunday dinners.

When a man loves a woman.

Project 365  * 2 -- Day 232

     I so badly want to write about a conversation I had with Matt today. But, I can't. It's private. And besides, the only reason I really want to write about it, is to tell the world of Matt's awesomeness. The details really don't matter. The awesomeness? That's the good stuff. So, I'll skip to the good part...

     Matt is amazing. One of the hardest working men I know. He works hard for us. Not for himself. He is dedicated. Loyal. Loving. And our conversation this morning reminded me that he loves us deeply. It reminded me that I am one of those rare lucky women. Women with husbands who love them no matter what. And worship the ground they walk on. And can't keep their hands to themselves. And never utter one mean word to their woman. That's Matt.

     I will mention one detail of our conversation. This word was mentioned: failure. He is the furthest thing from that word. The complete opposite. And everything I have to be thankful for in this sweet life of mine, our home, our beautiful children, and our incredible marriage...I'm pretty sure it all originated in him.

     Thankful for my incredible man. He continuously shows me that love can grow deeper and deeper and deeper.

How Tobin sleeps! With a soft basket filled with cicis, and a teething giraffe, and a cuddly moose. He actually holds the moose while he falls asleep. How sweet is that?

Matt's Birthday, Part Deux

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 221

     I'm exhausted, so here's the straight dope:

1. We celebrated Matt's birthday with my parents, Shane, Patty, AJ, and the kids today.

2. The food was awesome. Prepared by none other than Chef Daddykins. Per Matt's request, we had fried chicken strips, biscuits, and mashed potatoes and gravy. We also had a salad, but let me make it clear, Matt did not request it. :)

3. The cake was a chocolate chip cake. Of course. Everything with Matt involves chocolate chips in some way, shape, or form.

4. As always, my favorite part of birthdays are the affirmations. It's just so fun and awesome to hear how much we mean to one another. And we take it seriously, our family. We don't skimp on the outpouring of love, kindness, and nice words we have for each other.

5. While we were all eating our cake and ice cream, it got kind of quiet all the sudden, and Addy looked up at Matt and said in the sweetest little voice with the sweetest little smile, "happy birthday, Dada!" That will be enough to warm my heart for the next three cold winters.

6. It was a wonderful birthday party. Matt is one very loved guy.

     Thankful for birthdays. They give us a chance to really lavish one deserving person with love and special things for a few days. Thankful for Sundays. I love family Sundays. They're the best. And they're made even better when there is a birthday involved.

For him...every day should be August 7th.

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 216

     It's 12:20 am. And I'm still not done. Tomorrow, (or, I guess I should say today) is Matt's birthday. As I've said before, birthdays are huge deals around here. Matt requested a chocolate chip cheesecake, and cookie bars for his birthday. Among other things that I can't mention here. And even though I started my baking around 10:00 pm, there is still something so relaxing and peaceful and good about mixing melted butter and oreos to make the perfect chocolate chip cheesecake crust. There is something so lovely about mixing cream cheese until it's light and fluffy, then drizzling in sweetened condensed milk. I had to make cookie bars, the chocolate chip cheesecake, and special gluten free/ dairy free cupcakes for Adelyn. But, I didn't mind. I had Emmylou Harris, and Dido, and Tori Amos, and Neil Young to keep me company. (Don't judge.) As well as Roxy. And my trusty cup of chamomile tea and honey.

     Honestly, I don't mind staying up all night if I have to. Matt deserves an amazing birthday because he's an amazing guy. He works incredibly hard. For us. All for us. All to make us happy. He told me so. His love for us continues to amaze and delight me. His love for our children makes my heart full and warm. For him, because of who he is, because of how much he gives, and how much he loves, every day should be August 7th. Every day should be his special day. I'm so in love with my husband. And he is so in love with me. I'm so in love with the fact that I can say that. Without doubt. Without question.

     Thankful for my sweet love.

Thank you.

Project 365 * 2 -- Day 198

     Tonight, Matt asked me to come sit by him because he needed to talk to me. I went and sat by him, and he said, "I just wanted to say thank you..." And he went on in detail about how much he appreciates all I do. Seriously, it made my day. I was talking with Patty about it later, and we came to the conclusion that although we stay at home, we're still working. We just work for tiny little bosses now. Only they don't pay us, and they don't say thank you. Adelyn and Casey do sometimes, but it's only usually if we hand them a cookie or something.

     Thankful for words of thanks from my husband. It made my night because he's the one out there working so hard for us, and he comes home, and thanks me. How in the world did I get so lucky to have him as my husband?