I've been feeling pretty sad today. I make it a point to never watch the news. I can't handle it. There is just too much sad in this world. Too much bad. Too much horror. Too many unthinkable things happen.
And then, there are days like today. Hearing about the Boston Marathon bombing made me sick. Something else made me sick. Reading about Kermit Gosnell. Seriously, I've been dragging. I couldn't do anything today but hold my children. While I was putting lotion on Tobin tonight, I ran my fingers along his spine, and I thought, "how?" As I kissed his face and blew raspberries into his neck, I thought, "how?" As I held Adelyn while she slept in my bed during nap time, I thought, "how?"
How could a person hold a full term baby, a crying, breathing, baby...and kill it? How could a person kill something so beautiful and innocent? What Gosnell did could never be defined as abortion. It could only be defined as murder. Killing babies that are born, and that are breathing, and that could be given to any number of loving couples who want children, is murder. Plain and simple.
How do people go on after losing their loved ones to senseless violence? A marathon is a fun thing. Something for people to check off their bucket list. I think about those poor families who lost a precious loved one today, and I wonder...how will they make it? How will they ever learn to trust anything or anyone ever again?
The other day, I came across a quote by Mitch Albom. It says this: "Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out.”
I find it interesting that I just so happened to read this a couple days ago. While talking with Patty tonight about the bombings and the Gosnell case, she told me a story. She has been watching Army Wives the past couple of weeks. She said watching it jogged her memory of a guy she knew in high school. She went to the military ball with him. His name was Ben. He was killed serving in Afghanistan. Patty said she remembered him doing a report in high school on partial-birth abortion. His stance on it was that it was wrong. My sister had a conversation with him after he gave his report, and he said that partial-birth abortion made him sad, but that he knew that God had those babies up in heaven, and that he was taking care of them.
Patty also reminded me tonight that it says in the Bible, several times, that God loves the little children. We also talked about that Mitch Albom quote. The concept of time, the hours, the minutes, time always chasing after us, that's this world. Whenever Patty and I see something sad, like an animal dead on the side of the road, or news reports of bombings, or crying babies being killed, we pray. We pray that God took those innocent lives before they felt any pain. Before they suffered at all. Before they could even have any memory of what happened to them here on earth.
We think that man's concept of time is not God's concept of time. God wouldn't be limited by things like hours or minutes. The world's concept of time says this happens: 1-bomb goes off. 2-person gets hurt by bomb going off. 3-person dies. But, maybe...it happens this way: 1-bomb goes off. 2-God intervenes and takes that person before they feel one ounce of pain. 3-the body dies, but the soul has long been gone.
Maybe that's how it happens. I have to think it is. Because if I don't, I'll go crazy. I'll go crazy thinking about innocent, sweet people, and sweet babies, and sweet animals that die at the hands of violence.
Patty told me that she thinks that her friend Ben is up in heaven with all those babies. Taking care of them. Holding them. Playing with them. I agree with her. I was once told by a Pastor that heaven will be filled with all the lovely, pleasurable things on this earth, plus even more lovely things that we can't even imagine. What is more lovely, and pleasurable than holding a newborn baby?
Tonight, even though I'm sad, and I've been dragging, I'm still thankful. I'm thankful for Adelyn and Tobin. For Casey and Sophia. I'm thankful for my family. For uncles, aunts, cousins, Grandparents. For second cousins like Ryleigh. I'm thankful that God isn't limited by man-made limits, like time. I'm thankful that I can talk with Patty, and cry with her, and talk things through with her. I'm thankful that when we've talked through everything we need to talk through, we can just sit on the phone together. Going about our business as usual. Chatting every now and then. I'm thankful that when horrible things happen, I remember how fragile life is, and I hold my children all day long. I hold them, and I kiss them, and hug them. I cling to them all day. I'm thankful that even though all is not right with this world, there is still good in it. There are good things. There are good people. Some days it's harder to see the light. Those are the days when one must look for their lighthouse. I found mine.
Adelyn. Tobin. Casey. Sophia. Patty. These people were my lighthouse today. And they are most every day.
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