I find that many children's books and movies contain so much depth and truth. If you read between the lines, you will find truths that make you think. One of my favorite authors of all time is Dr. Suess. The man was amazing! Simply...amazing. I love his books. I got to thinking about this subject--truth in children's books and movies--because I found this little thing I want to get framed for River's memorial case. It is a square piece of paper from this notebook with the following quote on it: "A person's a person, no matter how small. In my eyes, you're nearly 800 feet tall." I love that quote. It brings me comfort. I want to get it copied and send it to the people who said River never was. She was small. But she was a person. And in my eyes...she was nearly 800 feet tall. :) She was something great, no...magnificent.
It was a couple of days ago...I started to feel a lot of anxiety again. Doubts and questions. Fear and worry. It is relentless...the fear always bugging my brain. And for some strange reason...the thought came to my head, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim." And I thought about Marlin. On the surface...it's a movie about fish for kids. But, there are some major life truths in that movie. This poor fish, Marlin, was on top of the world. He had it all. A beautiful home. A lovely wife. Hundreds of babies...almost ready to be born. And tragedy struck. His entire life was destroyed. Lost his love and babies...except for one. Nemo.
Of course...anyone who has suffered great loss understands that after that loss...life seems scary. It is unknown. It is uncertain. And Marlin's reaction to his loss was to hide. Hide from life. He wanted to stay safe, always, in his home, with his son. And he learned to fear. And to be afraid. Of everything.
Fast forward to the end of the movie where Dory and Marlin are trapped inside the mouth of a whale. There is a large rumbling, and Dory says that the whale is telling them to move to the back his throat. Of course, Marlin is like, hell no! I'm not going to get swallowed. And he even asks..."how do you know something bad isn't going to happen." Dory replies..."I don't." But she says something interesting. "It's time to let go." Of course...kids watching the movie think this means that Marlin and Dory should let go of the giant bump on the whale tongue. But, it means more. "It's time to let go."
I picture myself floating often. My body feels like I'm clinging onto something...I don't know what. I can't quite describe it. It's like I have this small something that I cling to. It helps me keep my head just above water. But it also keeps me in a scary place. A place of fear and anxiety and doubt and panic. It's time to let go. It's time to just float. To just trust. It is so hard. And very scary. And I don't know that something bad isn't going to happen. But, it's time to let go.
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