Last night, while I was cutting Matt's hair, we got to talking about my hair. And how much I hate it right now. I'm a short hair girl. I love the way I feel with short hair. I feel confidant, beautiful, sexy. With long hair, I feel so drab and heavy. I literally feel weighed down by my long hair. I hate it so much, I almost cut it myself. Matt told me to go get my hair done. I told him no. I want to wait. I haven't lost all the baby weight yet, and I want to wait until then. And I figure, once I lose weight, I will get a haircut, and it will be whole new me. What does it matter if I hate my hair now?
The past three summers in a row, I have spent pregnant. So yeah. I have baby weight to lose. I do. But, something I need to remember: I'm still beautiful. I'm still beautiful in the meantime. In this strange period of time when I'm not pregnant anymore, and I'm not yet back to my pre-pregnancy weight, so I just feel...fat.
The bounce back is big these days. Open any magazine, and you will most likely see a picture of someone in their "post-baby" body, with a caption saying, "six months after baby," "THREE months after baby." Pregnancy takes a huge toll on a woman's body and mind. And giving birth is not some magical carpet ride of peace, love, and water births. They are both traumatic. And true to form, in America, we like to make it a competition to see who can bounce back the fastest. It's annoying.
So, lately, I have been feeling like such a failure because of my slow bounce back. And I have been feeling so ugly. But, I realized...it's a lie. I'm not ugly. I'm not a failure. I've been pregnant for three years in a row. It will take some time to "bounce" back from three years.
I realized after my conversation with Matt that I need to love myself in the meantime. Why shouldn't I? My husband loves me. My children love me. My family loves me. I have tremendous love in my life. Is there anything else more important than that?
I'm thankful I'm learning how to love myself in the meantime. In this limbo between baby weight and my normal weight. And you know what, I'm getting a haircut. And highlights. And because I'm still learning to love myself in the meantime, maybe I'll get a pedicure, too. I mean, how else am I going to learn? :)
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| Adelyn and I made a very sad snowman. In our defense, Tobin was inside screaming for me, and this snow was very powdery. Not good for snowman making. |
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| But, Addy was proud. :) |
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| Teething. |
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| More teething. |
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| MORE teething. |
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