Day 372
That was what my mom said to me this afternoon on the phone. I was driving back from the store when I heard those terrible words. Patty, Casey, and Sophia came to ride out the cold day with us. And because the little ones were napping, and the big ones were watching a movie, I asked Patty if she wouldn't mind if I skipped out to the store to pick up some pacifiers for Tobin. He sleeps like Adelyn used to. With a soft bucket full of pacifiers in his bed. "Cici's," we all call them. Pacifiers are like socks. They all just eventually disappear into thin air. I have no idea where they all go. Anyways, the past two nights, he has had only one cici to sleep with. And it's not enough. Several times last night, he called me into his room with loud screams and cries. His finger pointing to the floor. Damn cici. Even the last one was trying to escape. Naturally, I had to make this right for tonight. He has about ten in there now. Does that seem excessive? Probably. I don't care. What I do care about...is sleeping through the night again.
But, imagine my shock and surprise at hearing those terrible, horrible words from my mother's mouth. "Do I even make a difference?" Out of respect to her, I won't mention any more of what she said to me, but I can tell you, it was more of the same. Does she even make a difference? Hmmm, let's see...
She is an incredible woman and mother. All of what I know about mothering children with love comes from her. When I think of my childhood, one of the things that stands out the most is my mother's hands. Probably because they were always there. Always working. Helping. Hugging. Driving. Cooking. Washing. Bathing. Feeding. Cleaning. Comforting. Soothing. The main thing is that she was always there. Always. No matter what. She drove me to and from school for 18 years. She made breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. She fed our family. And she fed countless other children and families through the years. She was always volunteering to make meals for people who had just had a baby, or lost a loved one. She reached out to kids in our neighborhood who didn't have parents at home to make dinner. On any given night, there could be anywhere from at least one to five extra kids at our house for dinner. And she didn't mind. In fact, she welcomed them in. And fed them. And cleaned up after them. She would give our friends rides home from school or practice. We never had to ask first. We would just walk up to the car with sometimes three extra people that needed rides. She never minded. Never. She has been a teacher for years and years now. She has touched so many lives. So many kids remember my mom as their favorite teacher. I'm not just saying this because she is my mom. She is an amazing teacher. She loves each and every child. Not for what they can be. But for what they are. For who they are. She is an amazing Oma. She loves each of her grandchildren with such passion. She plays with them. For hours. Without tiring. And she takes every opportunity she has to spend time with them. For some reason, and I don't know why, she's kind of the black sheep of our extended family. Or at least, she's said she feels that way. Not sure why. She is nothing but kind, and generous, and giving, and loving. And though she's been picked on, and even treated badly before, she doesn't change. She forgives, and she keeps on being the same person she is. She believes the best in people. Always.
Mom, "do I even make a difference," shouldn't even be in your vocabulary. It can never be said about you. You are amazing. And beautiful. Gorgeous. On the inside and out. You have the kindest, most gentle spirit. You are full of grace. You are full of love. You believe the best in people. Even when they mistreat you. Even when they throw you away. You continue to love them. You continue to hope the best for them. You have taught me more about love and motherhood than anyone else. You have taught me more about loving my neighbor more than anyone else. You have taught me more about grace than anyone else. You live it. Daily. You are my mother. My best friend. My person. The one who will always love me no matter what. No matter what I do. Or say. Or wear. Or look like. Never think that you aren't important. Never think that you don't matter. You matter the most. If it wasn't for you, our family would fall apart. You are the glue. You are the foundation. You are the grace. You are the love. You ARE the difference.
Thankful for my mom. I love her more than words can say.
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